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A pretty young woman walked up to the fabric counter at a store and said, I would like to buy this material for my new dress. How much does it cost? Only one kiss per metre, replied the male clerk with a smirk on his face. Thats fine, said the woman. Ill take five metres. With expectation and anticipation wr...

IN GENERAL: 1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview... 2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them. 3. It's tacky to take your Esky to Church. 4. If you have to vacuum your bed, it's time you changed your sheets.... 5. Even if your certain you're included in the Will, its con...

A German Shepherd, Doberman and a cat have died. All three are faced with God, who wants to know what they believe in. The German shepherd says, I believe in discipline training and loyalty to my master. Good, says God. Then sit down on my right side. Doberman, what do you believe in? The Doberman answer...

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship" the wife explained. "He studied communications, and I studied theatre arts. He communicates really well, and I just a...

I have a brand new Davies Craig Transmission Oil Cooler 679 & Kaon mounting brackets to suit a Prado 150 series for sale $150. Item is in SE Melbourne area. PM me if interested. -- Edited by fwdoz on Thursday 10th of January 2019 07:19:15 PM

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. When he reached the checkout line he realised the old lady was in front of him in line. Pardon me, she turned around and said to the...

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social worker isnt sure theyll be fit for the job. To convince her, the couple shows the social worker photos of their two storey house, which is clean, well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nurse...

I got a new I Phone with great features. I asked Alexa, "What do women want" The damn thing hasn't stopped talking for two days.

Garage Door The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'The boss told h...

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-09/rescue-pilot-lands-helicopter-on-the-side-of-mountain/10703580

An attorney was representing a wealthy art collector. One day the attorney called his client and said, I have some good news and I have some bad news. The art collector replied, Ive had an awful day so lets hear the good news first. The attorney said, Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me th...

Phil's ScrotumThe pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was e...

We became the target of German U Boat operations off the Australian Coast, however becaue of U Boat losses in the Pacific it never fully came about and all U Boats in our area were recalled. One was sunk by a Dutch submarine operating out of Fremantle, WA. Another was recalled to Penang Jap sub pens. S...

Darwin awards for 2018 Nominee No. 1 (San Jose Mercury News): An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriends windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. Nominee No. 2 (Kalamazoo Gazette): James Burns, 34, a mec...

Whilst touring Ireland, a man stopped at a rural service station. After filling up his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink the coke and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other would...

1. Go to Salvo's and buy used pair of 16 - 18 boots. 2. Place on front patio, with a copy of "Guns And Ammo"magazine. 3. Get four large dog dishes and place on front patio. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads; Bubba, Me and Marcel and Billy Ray went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour, don't mess with t...

Just yesterday I heard that a friend from our BlazeAid stint has passed during the Christmas break. I was told that Sarg had gone fishing and failed to return, he I understand was found deceased on the bank of the Gwydir river at Bingara doing what he loved. Bev and I would like to send our deepest condole...

This is my first post. I am in the process of building up two portfolios that require extensive incursion into regional Victoria. Photography is my main purpose for camping and as my wife no longer settles for camping I'm on my own. I have nothing more that a tent a stove a sleeping bag and a Subaru Outbac...

Hi, my name is Graeeme, Im 71 yo and In about a month. and after a minor op Ill have the funds to buy a pop top and start 4/6 week journeys from my home in central Victoria, return home for medical checks then off again on the next trip. I have a Holden commodore v6 and think probably a 12 ft or expanda type pop to...

Interesting to note that there was media comment today saying that there is an interest by politicians to conduct an enquiry into fuel pricing. ever since Woolworths and Coles came into the market and took the major share of servos the price has become a joke and just as an example in the lower mountain...