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A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rearview mirr...

An old guy was workin' out at the gym when he spotted a hot young girl walkin' in. He asked the trainer standin' next to him,''What machine should I use to impress that girl over there?''. The trainer looked him up and down and said,''I would recommend the ATM in the lobby''.

Husband and Wife Christmas Shopping A couple were in a busy shopping centre just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile phone. The wife said, "Where are you, you know we have lots to do!" He said, "You remember th...

Best water filters?

It is a very old one, but it is still good...

Understanding Engineers #1Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the gr...

Camping in Northern WA around 90Km of Tar and 10Km of dirt track from the nearest town, the loose door handle on our Camec caravan door broke. I ordered 2via ebay/Post express and they duly arrived at the Post Office a week later.Luckly we were not in the van at the time. Then the problem how to use the doo...

Paddy is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks him, "Are you ready to fi...

What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'Who seems not...

What are a sharks two most favorite words? -Man overboard!