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It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wif...

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Hello, I would like to be castrated." "That's a lifechanging operation," says the doctor. "Are you sure you want to do it?" "yes," says the man. "and if you refuse I'll go to another doctor." "OK,"...

Hello everyone I have just bought a second hand motorhome,it has been out in the elements for a couple of yrs.What is the best to use to get it back to shiney again? Thanks

Three men - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden and an Aussie are all walking together one day.. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. 'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', Says the Genie. The Canadian says, 'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I wan...

The children began to identify the flavours by their colour: Red......................Cherry Yellow..................Lemon Green..................Lime Orange ...............Orange Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the...

A couple of Grey nomals were motoring along the Birdsville track. He was driving and she was catching flies in her open mouth while catching up on 40 winks. The old man glanced down to the instrument panel and noticed the oil light starting to flicker. A few minutes later the oil light stayed on so he star...

Confucius say, " Treat your woman like your vacuum cleaner,if she stops sucking, replace the bag."

The Best Drunk Story Ever A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up staggers to the table, leans over, Looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: 'I went by your grandma's house t...

Naked Cowboy A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?' T...

I have just received a call from the caravan shop, they have just got back from weighing my caravan. Build brief was 2100-2150Kg.................it has come in at 2550Kg. My car has a tow capacity of 2500KG so I'm overweight before anything goes in. I'm absolutely devastated. I think I might have to g...

Hello all, a newby on this forum and I am interested in purchasing an 2000, 18' tandem wheel Caprice Eclipse. Asking price is $22,000. I have had no luck in getting any info about the Caprice on the internet, if anybody could offer some words of wisdom about this type of van it would be deeply appreci...

Idiots have no geographical limits, this lot are Australia's finest!! They walk and live amongst us. But worst of all they are allowed to breed............................... Number One Idiot of 2008. I am a medical student in Sydney, currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison contro...

Hi Guy`s, If my 100 amp deep cycle battery lasts for 3 weeks lights only is it reasonable to expect a 150/200 amp battery to last a possible 4/6 weeks again lights only. Regards Roamin.

Gidday all. Finally back from the shakedown cruise Perth, Carnarvon, Exmouth then back to Perth. First time ever towing a caravan of any size let alone a 23 footer. The van towed and tracked perfectly and the Land Cruiser (2005 Series 100 6 cyl non turbo manual) towed perfectly at 2300 rpm (80kph) in...

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she lo...

Dear Child, I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house n...

Here is a question for the sparkies..............amateur or pro. If I put my car fridge in the back of the car and connected it to one of those portable power supply................come jumpstart ...........things with the jumper cables attached to them (whatever they are called) You know what I m...

Any nomads living or travelling in any of the widespread rain areas at present? Here in Cairns we are getting pelted today. I spoke to a mate in Mt Isa and they have had most of the years rainfall already. Cloncurry had theirs almost overnight. Townsville has gone from dusty brown to lush green....

You have to Love the IrishPaddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whis...

The priest in a small Irish village loved the **** and hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the **** went missing! The priest knew that **** fights happened in the village so he started to question his parishioners in church the next morning. During Mass, he asked the c...