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A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The officer cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lung...

Three women and three men are traveling by train to the football game. At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket. 'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?' asks one of the men. 'Watch and learn,' answers one of the women. They all boar...

just pulled up at a new site for tonite at Wrravknabeal in victoria,just pulled up at what we thought was a good spot, then changed our minds to another spot and this twit (thats me very politly ), which i couldnt understand at all started going off his nutter about some bit off dirt we churned up, quick ra...

a pharmacist returns to his shop to find a guy leaning against the counter sweating and shaking. he asks the girl behind the counter "whats up with him" , she replies " he came in for some cough medicine and as i couldn't find any i gave hime a whole bottle of laxative". "you id...

Have desided to bite the bullet and take the grandkids camping.......for couple days....any suggestions on what to take.....and how to keep them occupied...they are 2 girls aged 8 years and 6.5 years....any help appreciated.. Dave

Is anyone interested in looking after a small, 500 acre, farm in vic for the first 6 months of next year. Prime responsibility would be the well being of 150 cows some of which will be calving in that time. Very comfortable home near Hamilton, PM me if you are interested.

In a word cease and desist, 2 words.... Reason is this after my basic chemistry lesson that showed that hydrogen peroxide broke down into water after doing its job I promulgated this around the traps and got an email from Thetford themselves. I've posted the relevant bit of it here as I would not want an...

MOTHERS The Images of Mother 4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mummy can do anything! 8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mum knows a lot! A whole lot! 12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't know everything! 14 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother? She wouldn't have a clue. . 16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's so five minutes ago. 18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? S...

I would appreciate a bit of info regarding a licence matter.My son has a Queensland drivers accreditation to drive a courtesy bus.It looks as though he will be moving to Southern NSW.I tried to make an enquiry with the RTA about how to transfer his accreditation or would he have to obtain a NSW one.Well...

For those of us who love everything to do with Kiwis... Two Kiwis, Ian and Craig, are walking down a street in Bondi. Ian happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said 'Suits $10.00 each, Shirts $4.00 each, Trousers $5.00 a pair.' Ian says to his pa...

I have spent a pleasant couple of weeks in Perth, fixing up some house-keeping issues, re-registering the van, getting it and the Kia serviced, getting my (final?) tax done, getting some new specs and re-stocking the pantry and freezer. I called in to see some of my old work colleagues and copped a pro...

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,when behind him he hears: BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Terrified, the man begins t...

I THINK YOU ARE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS ! A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' No...

THE AFTERLIFE A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact. Mary. Mary. Is that you, Fred? Yes, Ive come b...

A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anaesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses...

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What make...

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-...

The Horses Tail by Don Lloyd The chase is finally over, and theyre inside drinking grog, and Im tied up to the rail , and left there like a dog. Old Harrison is slapping backs, and handing drinks all round, While the blowflies give me hell and my blood drips on the ground. Yes I wheeled the mob to bring back t...

I spent a leisurely half hour at the "Rock"just North of Karuah nsw watching the traffic both North and Southbound on the Paciffic Hwy.To see the volume of Caravans and other Recreational vehicles on the road was a bit of an eye opener.One of the things that I did notice was the amount of cara...

The article "Gone in 60 seconds" has prompted me to ask if there are security devices available to stop somebody just hitching up your van and stealing it?