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A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
(Preview)
A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a ...
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aussie_paul
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0
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971
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Let's milk this one
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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2
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1175
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Dear Dr Phil
(Preview)
Dear Dr. Phil . . . When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favourite pastime fishing. I bought my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day down at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner, who...
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Woody2
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4
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1141
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Telephone survey
(Preview)
Telephone survey - Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:- "Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world.The survey was a comp...
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Woody2
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1
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1138
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Side Effects to Viagra....
(Preview)
A woman asks her husband at breakfast time.. "Would you like some crispy bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee"?.. He declines..."Thanks for asking love, but I'm not real hungry right now...its this Viagra..it's really taken the edge off my appetite."... At l...
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goldfinger
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0
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1210
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Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
(Preview)
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.My ...wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'.The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1185
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Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless)
(Preview)
Read it all the way through! It's a good laugh! AND really quite true!!A good laugh for people in the over 70 group !!!When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music,takes videos, pictures and communicates with Fac...
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aussie_paul
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0
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1226
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Poor Irish....another one
(Preview)
An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds. When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs...
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Woody2
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1
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917
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Medicare Advice
(Preview)
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello." "Mrs. Sanders, please." "Speaking." "Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well... We are now uncertain...
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Moorey
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1
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868
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SpecSavers
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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3
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1173
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Airline Announcements
(Preview)
Airline Announcements: United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people, we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!' ************ ********* ********* ******* On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to lea...
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Woody2
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1
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1464
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Some things you just can't explain
(Preview)
The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what happened that is so horrible?" the man asked. The farmer then decides to try an answer, "Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.""That's no...
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Yarra
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5
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1208
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NBN In The Bush
(Preview)
Aussie Computer Terminology - Getting ready for Broadband in the bush!! A little bit of Aussie culcha. LOGON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.HARD DRIVE: Making th...
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Wombat 280
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0
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961
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Have a laugh.
(Preview)
The judge says to a double murder defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out "You bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother in law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom ye...
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dishlicker
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0
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1094
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A Lawyer and a Senior
(Preview)
A Lawyer and a Senior A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a na...
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aussie_paul
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0
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881
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Oops....
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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0
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973
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A Glasgow Girl
(Preview)
Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....The first man married a Filipino. He told her that she was to do the dishesand house cleaning.It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a cleanhouse and dishes washed and put away.The second man married a Thai. He...
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Yarra
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0
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868
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British humour
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The train was quite crowded, so a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'A...
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aussie_paul
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3
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1022
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Different meanings
(Preview)
* 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.* Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra. *2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.* Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male..... Playing football without a cup. *3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-...
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Yarra
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0
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936
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Juggler stopped by the police
(Preview)
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police."What are those knives doing in your car?" Asked the officer."I use them in my juggling act," says the juggler."Oh yeah? Let`s see you do it." Says the policeman.So the man gets out of the car and starts tossing and juggling the knive...
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Yarra
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1
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917
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