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Political...BUT funny if you vote LNP... Sorry Cindy..
(Preview)
This message is forwarded as a community service! No political bias intended. Einstein developed this remarkable theory: Energy = Mass x Speed of Light squared....... A brilliant genius as we all know. A lesser known application of Einstein's formula determine...
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aussie_paul
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5
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1218
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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.
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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer you're assigned to hell."So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and b...
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aussie_paul
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1
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779
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Three elderly golfers are walking down the fairway.....plus 2nd Joke tad off colour....
(Preview)
Three elderly golfers are walking down the fairway. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60 year old...you always feel like you have to pee...and most of the time nothing happens.. "Ahh, that's nothing boys", said the 70 year old. When you're 70,you don't have a decent bowel movement anymore. You t...
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goldfinger
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0
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1076
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New Trump Billboard in Times Square??...tad off colour..
(Preview)
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goldfinger
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0
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704
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3. Surgeons
(Preview)
Three surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in the USA. In my favourite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident; I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Que...
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Woody2
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0
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898
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Oldies but Goodies.
(Preview)
These are oldies but goodies. They are real extracts from actual complaint letters sent to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK. 1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it backfired and burnt my knob off. 2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he...
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Baggie
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0
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676
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A Senior Driver who no longer required a Driving Licence??....
(Preview)
My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a car that came crashing through his front fence, taking his shrubbery with it, weeding his front garden and landing on his front lawn... He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down gently on a lawn chair.. He said wit...
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goldfinger
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0
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730
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A Preacher is at his dying church members bed
(Preview)
The preacher is talking to the man, saying how he will say a prayer for his quick healing when all of a sudden the man begins to attempt to tell him somethingThe man motions with his hand so the pastor steps closer "What is it? What do you need?" The pastor askedThe man looks around the room and grabs the pen...
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Yarra
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0
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718
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An oldie perhaps..however very Australian...
(Preview)
Another blonde one.......with a twist..this blonde is intelligent/quick witted... A blonde was sent on her way to Heaven where, upon arrival, a concerned St. Peter met her at the 'Pearly Gates'. "I'm sorry". St Peter said. 'But Heaven is suffering from a complete overload of 'goodly souls' and w...
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goldfinger
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0
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853
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Family Court Ruling from Perth Western Australia
(Preview)
Family Court Ruling from Perth Western Australia A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keepin...
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Woody n Sue
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1
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1372
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Dog food diet
(Preview)
ANIMAL JOKESARMY JOKESBLONDE JOKESCRIME JOKESDEATH This Guy Was Buying Dog Food For His Pet. What One Woman Asks Him Will Blow You Away.January 22, 20161Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the wonder dog, at Wal-Mart and was ab...
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Woody n Sue
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0
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816
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Ok so I'm ducking for cover on this one
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Woody n Sue
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1
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872
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Blonde again
(Preview)
A boss says to a blonde waitress, Could you please fill up the salt dispenser?An hour later shes still at it, so he asks, What happened, why is it taking so long?She whips back, Do you know how hard it is to get the salt through those little holes -- Edited by Woody n Sue on Tuesday 24th of May 2016 08:10:41 P...
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Woody n Sue
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0
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764
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Country doctor
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A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The old...
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Woody2
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1
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812
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Broken hearted lawyer
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A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university. "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education. You do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a gesture of appreciation, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."And so it hap...
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Woody2
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2
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916
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Irish Remorse..........
(Preview)
IRISH REMORSE....... APOLOGY FROM AN IRISH HOSPITAL...... Dear Mr Murphy Esq. We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness on the shaft of your penis showed it was not cancerous. It was found to be lipstick. We deeply regret the amputation we carr...
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goldfinger
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0
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797
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Lions Sex
(Preview)
LIONS SEX Two old men are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a day?" "Aww, darn!" says his friend, "and I just joined Rotary!
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Yarra
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1
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1146
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A Nun Grading Papers
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PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.THE...
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Yarra
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3
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871
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Digging a hole
(Preview)
Fred & Jim had joined the army coz they were no good as anything else so they thought the army was a secure way of a job. Well it didn't matter what job they were given by the Sarge, they still managed to stuff it up some how. The sarge was fed up with them so he was looking for a job that was within their minu...
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Baggie
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0
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852
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Gotb it Right in One
(Preview)
An old priest lay dying in Woden's, Canberra Hospital. He had served the people near the nation's capital, at Manuka for many years. He motioned for the nurse to come near. "I would really like to see Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten before I die" whispered the priest. The nurse sent the request to par...
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Wombat 280
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0
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775
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