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Here's another go at the Irish....
(Preview)
Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our cateri...
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kiwijims
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0
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742
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Mother taught her well
(Preview)
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says". The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a j...
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Yarra
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1
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947
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Ronnie Corbett's best jokes
(Preview)
Here are some of his best jokes: A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Fi...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1814
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Another go at the Irish...
(Preview)
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven hesaid, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me IrishWhiskey!'Miraculously, a parking p...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1058
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Aussie outback sense of humour!
(Preview)
One should not be cynical, and heaven knows I try not to be, however... You cant beat the Aussie outback sense of humour! K.J. -- Edited by kiwijims on Sunday 3rd of April 2016 10:44:56 AM
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kiwijims
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734
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Can I take the dog for a walk
(Preview)
A little girl asks her mother if she can take the dog for a walk. Not right now darling, she's on heat. Please mum i'll keep her close.Go and see your father, he's down in the shed. Dad, can I take the dog for a walk. Not right now darling, she's on heat. Please dad i'll look after her. Dad thinks a while. Ok wa...
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Hey Jim
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0
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833
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ANOTHER TALL TALE FROM AUSTRALIA
(Preview)
I went fishing one morning down by the lake, but after a short time I ran out of prawn bait. Bugger! Then I saw a red-belly black snake with a frog in its mouth. I said to it, Good on yer, Cobber. (Frogs are really good barramundi bait.) Knowing that the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his m...
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Yarra
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0
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998
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Adoption Doubts
(Preview)
A couple who work at the travelling circus go to an adoption agency.Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability to adopt.The couple produces photos of their expensive, 50 foot Prevost motor-home, which is already equipped with a beautiful nursery.The social workers then are doubt...
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Yarra
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0
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906
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An Australian story
(Preview)
A young lad from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he has squandered all of his money. He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing... they actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Blue how to...
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Pamela G
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869
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Drinking in Galway, Ireland.
(Preview)
"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's.... The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red...
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aussie_paul
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890
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DONT ARGUE
(Preview)
Husband and wife had been arguing for hours on the road. As they pass a herd of jackasses the wife quips "Relatives of yours" Husband ever so calmy replies............ "Yep...............in laws." -- Edited by Bushpie on Friday 1st of April 2016 09:41:19 AM
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Bushpie
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1047
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On a desolate island
(Preview)
On a beautiful desolate island in the middle of nowhere, the following group of people are shipwrecked :-2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman2 French men and 1 French woman2 German men and 1 German woman2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman2 C...
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rgren2
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894
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Little Johnny
(Preview)
Little Johnny !HonestyYup, some people cant handle the truth!My Favorite AnimalOur teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fr...
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rgren2
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903
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listen to your Doctor’s instructions.
(Preview)
I went to my nearby Whites Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists high counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me.I said, "Yes! Could you please taste th...
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Woody2
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0
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838
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Three jokes on a theme...
(Preview)
The Picnic A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter. "This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why s...
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aussie_paul
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0
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868
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Another Queensland Regional Story....
(Preview)
One typically Western Queensland story, I've told before, that bears re-telling...as I laugh at it while I'm typing......... A DROVER WALKS INTO A WESTERN QLD BAR WITH HIS PET CROCODILE.......... A drover walks into a bar in Western Queensland with his pet crocodile by his side.. He puts the cr...
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goldfinger
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796
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Random Breath Test
(Preview)
Random Breath Test Bit of a slow day at the office, but you just never know where they will turn up! Box Yards Road between Ivanhoe and Booligal (about 100km north west of Hay in New South Wales).
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Woody2
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3
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1361
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New seniors’ complex rules..
(Preview)
On the first day at the new seniors complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors, pointing out some of the rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1002
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And now one for the New Zealanders...
(Preview)
An English tourist was driving through New Zealand when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a sheep. A few kilometersfurther on he came upon a small town, so he parked his car and went into the pub for a drink. He grabbed a cold beer, sat at a table, andthen took a look around the bar. He i...
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aussie_paul
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4
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1027
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No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile.
(Preview)
An elderly couple were celebrating their 60th anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk theyd share...
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aussie_paul
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973
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