The worlds leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop. He asks the assistant, Do you have European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.
Certainly, replies the assistant. Would you like to listen before you buy it?
That would be wonderful, says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.
He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, Im terribly sorry, but I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I dont recognise any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?
The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologises and lifts the needle onto the next track.
Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, No, this just cant be right! Ive been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still dont recognise any of these sounds.
The assistant apologises again and lifts the needle to the next track.
The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.
This is outrageous false advertising! I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!
The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.
What seems to be the problem, sir?
This is an outrage! I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!
The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.
Im terribly sorry, sir. It appears weve been playing you the bee side.
Aussie Paul.
-- Edited by aussie_paul on Tuesday 29th of November 2016 11:19:53 AM
-- Edited by aussie_paul on Tuesday 29th of November 2016 11:20:29 AM
Hey, I gotta tell you, as you know, I used to teach & licence earth moving equipment. This day was Bobcats, well before the class came, I got there about an hour early to prepare a working site for their Kindy Play Time. It was in a paddock that had been where a contractor had been using it for dumping broken slabs of cement driveways, bitumen etc. Well it was hot & dry this morning with a slight breeze. I was in the Bobcat pushing bits of this rubble into a heap instead of being little heaps everywhere. I put the corner of the bucket under a two metre square piece of broken concrete, tilted the bucket back & lifted. It lifted about a metre then it broke & fell back on the ground with a great cloud of dust. Unbeknown to me, under the concrete was a nest of European wasps who did not appreciate my activities one little bit and came out like a spiralling whirl wind straight up in the air, looking for the cause of their wrecked home. I spun that bobcat in a 180 & followed the cloud of dust so that I was in the middle and just kept pace with the cloud of dust. Thankfully they didn't see me. We reported the wasps to the council who sent a guy around to exterminate them. Well my class had arrived by this time & we were all standing just outside our building getting to know each other when the wasp man arrived. He was in shorts & T shirt, he got his puffer thingy with the powder in it & I told him where the slab of concrete was, so he sauntered over there to have a look see. I told the class to watch for some fun. Well, he poked his wand from his puffer into any holes that he could see until he hit the jackpot, and out came all these wasps, now you have never seen a 50 year old run on the spot. He ran flat out for his van with a trail of wasps in hot pursuit. He dived into his van & reappeared like the man from Mars. He said the at the worst moment when he found the wasps, his puffer blocked up, so all he could do was run for it. What's that saying? "Poor Planning Produces Piss Poor Performance.
