Walking can add minutes to your life.

This enables you at 85 years old

to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing

home at $8,000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.

Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell he is.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The only reason I would take up walking

is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I have to walk early in the morning,

before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound.

Apparently you have to go there.

Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',

I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

The advantage of exercising every day

is so when you die, they'll say,

'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

If you are going to try cross-country skiing and start with a small country.

I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill.

We all get heavier as we get older,

because there's a lot more information in our heads.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.