Just Joking

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Valentines DayJust booked a table for Valentines Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; shes lousy at snooker... Low BatteryA man saved his girlfriends phone number on his mobile as Low Battery. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it into the char...

Weevil · Weevil

50 Shades of Golf Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO LINE RYHME WITH THE 'MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE' AND THE 'LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE... 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife; Marrying you has screwed up my life. 2. I see your face when I am dreaming; That's why I always wake up sc...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

What is his occupation?A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor.""That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?&...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, t...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A Circus owner runs an advert for a 'Lion Tamer Wanted'...and two people turn up. One is a sexagenarian in his late 60's and the other is a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a killer body in her mid twenties... The Circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it, this is one ferocious lion, h...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

LIFE. This is perhaps the most profound observation I have heard in recent times: "Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free........ it's women who make it hard". Amen......

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

Snatchem · Snatchem

As we slowly move through (or into) retirement, we need to keep ourselves occupied with small projects.Like this guy! I know, I saw it right away too.... No safety glasses or hearing protection. And I caught something else that is really important: He has no gloves on...

Possum3 · Possum3

· Pasta was not eaten in Australia. · Curry was a surname. · A takeaway was a mathematical problem. · A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. · All potato chips were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not. · ...

Possum3 · Possum3

After landing my new job as a Bunnings "Greeter" - a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day . . . . . About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting Bogan babe walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...

Lesley F · Lesley F

-- Edited by Lesley F on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 10:27:55 PM -- Edited by Lesley F on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 10:31:34 PM

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I was sent to prison, and I said to my cell mate, "I won't be in here long." He replied........ "Well the Judge did give you 6 years". "Yeah I know, but I'm certain my wife will break me out, she's never ever let me finish a bloody sentence before"........ Hoo Roo

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

SMS Received...... Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I'm sorry neighbour, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face but I am at least now telling in text as I can't live with myself a moment lon...

Papou · Papou

Three dogs waiting to see Vet in the reception lounge , A little Fox Terrier, a Bull terrier and a Big Rottwheiler. All three sitting there imaptiantly waiting and occasionally looking over at each other without saying a word till it gets too much for them!! , then suddenly the Rottwheiler looksat the...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

<Since we are all in a Religious/Marriage mood I'll relate this tale> On their way to Church to get married, a young Christian couple were tragically involved in a fatal car accident. Being good Christians the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Pet...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery: Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get married, begin the quest to change their behaviour and life-style once their vows are exchanged? Finally, the riddle is solved. A social-scientist has arrived at t...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class, to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?' 'NO!' the children answered. 'If I cleaned...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A man returns from his doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this awful prognosis the man asks his wife for a bit of rumpy pumpy.... Naturally she agrees and they make gentle love..... About six hours later the husband goes to his wife and says, "Hon...

Brownie2 · Brownie2

Little Johnny went for a stay on Grandma & Grandpa's farm. First morning Johnny went off with his Pop on the tractor for the day with sandwiches and a thermos of tea for lunch. They were out all day and when they got back Grandpa told Johnny to go into the house while he put the tractor away and did som...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Jokes.. (Preview) Valentines DayJust booked a table for Valentines Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; shes lousy at snooker... Low BatteryA man saved his girlfriends phone number on his mobile as Low Battery. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it into the char...	aussie_paul	1	980	04:13 PM Mar 14, 2015 by grahos
	50 SHADES OF GOLF... (Preview) 50 Shades of Golf Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews...	Weevil	0	984	07:12 PM Mar 6, 2015 by Weevil
	Who said Poetry is boring?..... (Preview) THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO LINE RYHME WITH THE 'MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE' AND THE 'LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE... 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife; Marrying you has screwed up my life. 2. I see your face when I am dreaming; That's why I always wake up sc...	Goldfinger	3	1254	04:52 PM Mar 9, 2015 by grahos
	Fathers occupation.... (Preview) What is his occupation?A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor.""That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?&...	aussie_paul	0	1109	07:50 PM Mar 4, 2015 by aussie_paul
	No nookies now.... (Preview) I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, t...	aussie_paul	1	1066	07:27 PM Mar 7, 2015 by Bruce and Bev
	Logical thinking Sexagenarian........ (Preview) A Circus owner runs an advert for a 'Lion Tamer Wanted'...and two people turn up. One is a sexagenarian in his late 60's and the other is a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a killer body in her mid twenties... The Circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it, this is one ferocious lion, h...	Goldfinger	0	755	12:27 PM Mar 4, 2015 by Goldfinger
	A very brief yet profound observation......on Life (Preview) LIFE. This is perhaps the most profound observation I have heard in recent times: "Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free........ it's women who make it hard". Amen......	Goldfinger	0	898	10:05 PM Mar 3, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Open carefully with an open mind (Preview)	Woody n Sue	3	1205	07:31 PM Mar 7, 2015 by Bruce and Bev
	First contribution (Preview) As we slowly move through (or into) retirement, we need to keep ourselves occupied with small projects.Like this guy! I know, I saw it right away too.... No safety glasses or hearing protection. And I caught something else that is really important: He has no gloves on...	Snatchem	0	992	12:36 PM Mar 3, 2015 by Snatchem
	Eating in the 50's (Preview) · Pasta was not eaten in Australia. · Curry was a surname. · A takeaway was a mathematical problem. · A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. · All potato chips were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not. · ...	Possum3	0	748	09:57 AM Mar 3, 2015 by Possum3
	Didn't last at new job (Preview) After landing my new job as a Bunnings "Greeter" - a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day . . . . . About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting Bogan babe walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the...	Possum3	0	904	12:05 AM Feb 27, 2015 by Possum3
	Bill and Hiliary Clinton kitchen set (Preview) -- Edited by Lesley F on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 10:27:55 PM -- Edited by Lesley F on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 10:31:34 PM	Lesley F	3	1221	09:16 AM Mar 2, 2015 by Long Weekend
	Shouldn't be a long sentence..... (Preview) I was sent to prison, and I said to my cell mate, "I won't be in here long." He replied........ "Well the Judge did give you 6 years". "Yeah I know, but I'm certain my wife will break me out, she's never ever let me finish a bloody sentence before"........ Hoo Roo	Goldfinger	0	778	04:03 PM Feb 25, 2015 by Goldfinger
	SMS Spell Check...... (Preview) SMS Received...... Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I'm sorry neighbour, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face but I am at least now telling in text as I can't live with myself a moment lon...	Goldfinger	0	964	11:28 AM Feb 23, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Three Dogs At The Vets Reception (Preview) Three dogs waiting to see Vet in the reception lounge , A little Fox Terrier, a Bull terrier and a Big Rottwheiler. All three sitting there imaptiantly waiting and occasionally looking over at each other without saying a word till it gets too much for them!! , then suddenly the Rottwheiler looksat the...	Papou	0	787	12:43 PM Feb 22, 2015 by Papou
	A marriage in Heaven! (Preview) <Since we are all in a Religious/Marriage mood I'll relate this tale> On their way to Church to get married, a young Christian couple were tragically involved in a fatal car accident. Being good Christians the young couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Pet...	Goldfinger	1	1041	09:08 PM Feb 22, 2015 by Collo
	The Aisle, the Altar, the Hymn.... (Preview) Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery: Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get married, begin the quest to change their behaviour and life-style once their vows are exchanged? Finally, the riddle is solved. A social-scientist has arrived at t...	aussie_paul	0	934	10:01 PM Feb 19, 2015 by aussie_paul
	Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher (Preview) I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class, to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?' 'NO!' the children answered. 'If I cleaned...	aussie_paul	0	811	06:43 PM Feb 17, 2015 by aussie_paul
	...only 24 hours to live..... (Preview) A man returns from his doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this awful prognosis the man asks his wife for a bit of rumpy pumpy.... Naturally she agrees and they make gentle love..... About six hours later the husband goes to his wife and says, "Hon...	Goldfinger	0	774	02:22 PM Feb 17, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Little Johnny (Preview) Little Johnny went for a stay on Grandma & Grandpa's farm. First morning Johnny went off with his Pop on the tractor for the day with sandwiches and a thermos of tea for lunch. They were out all day and when they got back Grandpa told Johnny to go into the house while he put the tractor away and did som...	Brownie2	0	812	02:12 PM Feb 17, 2015 by Brownie2
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