Just Joking

nimrod · nimrod

Deserved it!

gerard gue · gerard gue

For those who do not listen to the 'Today' programme on BBC Radio 4, this is English humour at its best.Right at the end of a programme recently, there was a discussion about thecost of entry into Premiership football matches where ticket prices of £60or £100 per game is not uncommon.An elderly chap be...

Yarra · Yarra

While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that eithe...

Yarra · Yarra

Original List 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough m...

Yarra · Yarra

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.The ol...

Yarra · Yarra

For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just love the things little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often taken literally..... 'Circumcised' ? (this is priceless!) A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his c...

Redlander · Redlander

Removed as may offend some -- Edited by Redlander on Thursday 6th of August 2015 10:07:04 AM

Yarra · Yarra

A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns..With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed c...

Yarra · Yarra

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suita...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I was just reading that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.......... Really?..Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds??....... <My case rests your Honour> Hoo Roo

Yarra · Yarra

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house, a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."The...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Effective Suicide Counselling...... A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off. A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look since you'll be dead in a few moments and it won't matter to you, how about a quick shag before you go?" She screame...

nimrod · nimrod

Must have been VERY cold

Ontos45 · Ontos45

Tarzan not know sex'When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,and during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex?'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.Jane explained to him what sex was.Tarzan said 'Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'Horri...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldnt afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didnt want to have any more children The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem b...

Phillipn · Phillipn

In a town in western Qld a young fellow went to see his great grand Ma who was on her last, and her memory of recent events was no the best. The great grand son said to her that she must be bed ridden from laying in bed for a long time, The old girl replied, sonny I have been bed ridden hundreds of times and tw...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a Nurse's outfit, a French-maids outfit, and a Police women's uniform he finally decided if she can't hold down a job,..she's not for him...... I got sacked from my job as a Bingo Caller...ap...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

Some bloke just rattled a tin at me in the street so I told him to piss off.I didn't realise he was legally blind and was indicating which end was it to get the lid off of his Pringles!!.. -- Edited by Gunsondeck on Friday 31st of July 2015 02:04:44 AM

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

An Irishman goes to his Doctor with botty problems..... 'Dacter, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta tehyk a look, if you woot." So the Doctor gets him to drop is pants and takes a look. " Incredible" he says, by the look of it you've got a 20 pound note lodged up here". Tentatively he ease...

Joe50 · Joe50

Click the link to see how the Catholic Church's new automatic confession service works. Due to an increase in the number of sinners and a decline in the number of new priests, the Church is finding it difficult to cope with the increase in confessions made by the flock. [url]https://www.youtube.com...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	I walked into a bar (Preview) Deserved it!	nimrod	1	893	12:51 AM Aug 10, 2015 by Joe50
	Lovely English humour (Preview) For those who do not listen to the 'Today' programme on BBC Radio 4, this is English humour at its best.Right at the end of a programme recently, there was a discussion about thecost of entry into Premiership football matches where ticket prices of £60or £100 per game is not uncommon.An elderly chap be...	gerard gue	0	810	06:38 PM Aug 8, 2015 by gerard gue
	The First Pint (Preview) While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage. I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that eithe...	Yarra	1	790	03:53 PM Aug 7, 2015 by Spydermann
	What I want in a Man For the Ladies (Preview) Original List 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough m...	Yarra	0	931	07:51 PM Aug 6, 2015 by Yarra
	SEX AND GOOD GRAMMAR (Preview) On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.The ol...	Yarra	2	1012	05:36 PM Aug 23, 2015 by Plain Truth
	KIDS (Preview) For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just love the things little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often taken literally..... 'Circumcised' ? (this is priceless!) A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his c...	Yarra	0	687	04:58 PM Aug 6, 2015 by Yarra
	The Fisherman (Preview) Removed as may offend some -- Edited by Redlander on Thursday 6th of August 2015 10:07:04 AM	Redlander	2	840	12:19 AM Oct 10, 2015 by Young Simmo
	Sunburn (Preview) A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to hospital, and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns..With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed c...	Yarra	0	815	09:33 AM Aug 6, 2015 by Yarra
	Skin Graft (Preview) A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suita...	Yarra	0	746	09:30 AM Aug 6, 2015 by Yarra
	Sex and Calories... (Preview) I was just reading that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.......... Really?..Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds??....... <My case rests your Honour> Hoo Roo	Goldfinger	0	835	10:34 PM Aug 5, 2015 by Goldfinger
	The young doctor (Preview) A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house, a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."The...	Yarra	0	714	07:33 PM Aug 5, 2015 by Yarra
	He saved her life....... (Preview) Effective Suicide Counselling...... A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off. A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look since you'll be dead in a few moments and it won't matter to you, how about a quick shag before you go?" She screame...	Goldfinger	0	732	05:12 PM Aug 5, 2015 by Goldfinger
	A cold day in the desert (Preview) Must have been VERY cold	nimrod	0	793	06:21 PM Aug 3, 2015 by nimrod
	Tarzan not know sex (Preview) Tarzan not know sex'When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,and during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex?'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.Jane explained to him what sex was.Tarzan said 'Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'Horri...	Ontos45	1	904	09:35 PM Aug 3, 2015 by Dodge
	The Irish vasectomy... (Preview) After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that was enough, as they couldnt afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didnt want to have any more children The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem b...	aussie_paul	5	1033	01:31 PM Aug 11, 2015 by aussie_paul
	Bed Ridden (Preview) In a town in western Qld a young fellow went to see his great grand Ma who was on her last, and her memory of recent events was no the best. The great grand son said to her that she must be bed ridden from laying in bed for a long time, The old girl replied, sonny I have been bed ridden hundreds of times and tw...	Phillipn	1	775	01:18 PM Aug 2, 2015 by Ontos45
	....may offend some... (Preview) Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding a Nurse's outfit, a French-maids outfit, and a Police women's uniform he finally decided if she can't hold down a job,..she's not for him...... I got sacked from my job as a Bingo Caller...ap...	Goldfinger	0	868	12:39 PM Aug 1, 2015 by Goldfinger
	My mistake... (Preview) Some bloke just rattled a tin at me in the street so I told him to piss off.I didn't realise he was legally blind and was indicating which end was it to get the lid off of his Pringles!!.. -- Edited by Gunsondeck on Friday 31st of July 2015 02:04:44 AM	Gunsondeck	8	1507	12:18 PM Aug 1, 2015 by Goldfinger
	An Oirish Story...as only the Oirish can tell it... (Preview) An Irishman goes to his Doctor with botty problems..... 'Dacter, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta tehyk a look, if you woot." So the Doctor gets him to drop is pants and takes a look. " Incredible" he says, by the look of it you've got a 20 pound note lodged up here". Tentatively he ease...	Goldfinger	0	829	12:34 AM Jul 30, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Automatic confession service (Preview) Click the link to see how the Catholic Church's new automatic confession service works. Due to an increase in the number of sinners and a decline in the number of new priests, the Church is finding it difficult to cope with the increase in confessions made by the flock. [url]https://www.youtube.com...	Joe50	3	801	09:33 AM Aug 3, 2015 by 2weis
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