Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her knickers drawer and finding

a Nurse's outfit, a French-maids outfit, and a Police women's uniform

he finally decided if she can't hold down a job,..she's not for him......

I got sacked from my job as a Bingo Caller...apparently 'A meal for two with a terrible view'...isn't the best way to announce number 69.

A Muslim has been found shot in the head with a starting pistol; Police say it's definitely race related......

The Bride was escorted down the aisle, and when she reached the altar, the Groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs by his side.

She said:  "What are your golf clubs doing here?"

He looked her right in the eye and said, " This isn't going to take all day is it?"......

The Secretary presses her Boss's phone intercom :" Your anger management therapist is here early......Shall I tell him to fXck off?"......

After 100 years lying in the sea, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic's swimming pool was still full.......

Due to the current water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing Lanes 7 and 8.......

Now on sale at IKEA....LESBIAN BEDS......no nuts or screwing involved,...it's all tongue and groove.......

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron over a lifeless man.

The Detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes," says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, ..yes I did."

The woman begins to sob, drops the club and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"

"I don't know----put me down for a five.".....

Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy <of course>. He nears the top of the ladder, and starts shaking and going dizzy.

He calls down to Murphy and says " I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick like"...

Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?"......

Paddy replies "no, I only live round the corner".........

Hoo Roo.

-- Edited by Goldfinger on Saturday 1st of August 2015 01:06:01 PM