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THE AISLE SEAT
(Preview)
Two Islamic fundamentalists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.Just before take-off, a Royal Marine sat down in the aisle seat.After take-off the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the wi...
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aussie_paul
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0
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926
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Penguin
(Preview)
A Penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman if he has seen his brother, "Dunno", says the barman, "Whats he look like?" -- Edited by Magnarc on Wednesday 23rd of November 2016 04:05:55 PM
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Magnarc
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917
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USA Election Aftermath
(Preview)
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Moorey
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1
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1121
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Alcoholic Nun
(Preview)
Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary Katherine and she said, "Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy." "Sister Mary Katherine, " exclaimed Jack, "I could never do that! I've never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!" "Oh Jack, " she...
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Yarra
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0
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843
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Farmhouse
(Preview)
A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees. He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land. The landowner assured him that the bees were...
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Yarra
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0
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787
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Redhead joke not blonde
(Preview)
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out...
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Woody2
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0
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835
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Men, some times don't get it
(Preview)
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked or $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. Her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and...
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Woody2
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0
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829
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Maturity
(Preview)
As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore. .. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. .. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat. .. A rabbit runs and hops and only l...
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Woody2
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0
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763
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Vegetarian
(Preview)
Vegetarian is an old Indian word for " poor hunter" .
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dazz49
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1
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806
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First Pint
(Preview)
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took my son out for his first pint in Dublin. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from our house. I got him a Guinness. He didnt like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Kilkenny he didnt like that eith...
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Yarra
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5
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964
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Italian Bread
(Preview)
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.The 87 year old said; "Well, I eat Italian b...
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Yarra
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1
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888
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ARE YOU A VET ?
(Preview)
BE SURE TO READ TO THE VERY END.A German tourist jumped in the freezing water and saved My precious little dog. Upon getting back on the pier, he checked out my puppy and told me, "Ze dog is ok. He vill be fine." Due to his selfless heroic act, I asked, "Are you a vet?" He replied, "Vet ? I'm fuken soa...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1232
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Great Sex
(Preview)
The Italian man said, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for a five full minutes at the end." The Frenchman boasted, "Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionat...
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Yarra
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2
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1033
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Old
(Preview)
1. "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both 2. !" OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.... 3. "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the g...
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Possum3
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0
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786
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Do you know Jack?
(Preview)
Who is Jack Schitt?For some time many of us have wondered just who is JackSchitt?We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.Awe Schitt was married t...
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rgren2
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1
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873
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HOW TO STOP A GOSSIP
(Preview)
Ruthie from Wexford the small town gossip and self-appointed monitor of church morals, was always one to stick her nose into other people's business. Most members of the congregation did not approve of her intrusions, but she was feared, so all maintained their silence.She took that fatal step too...
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aussie_paul
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0
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770
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Do you fart in bed
(Preview)
Do you fart in bed ?If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and Ill pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husbands habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake hi...
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Woody2
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2
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1066
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A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery.
(Preview)
A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery. The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket. He says to the Jew, "See how slick I am? The owner didn't see anything." The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typically dishonest of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result." He goes to t...
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aussie_paul
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3
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1031
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Curry or soup to day?
(Preview)
Wife : Would you like Curry or Soup today?Husband : Make it first. We'll name it later. A frustrated husband in front of his laptop:Dear Google, please do not behave like my wife... Please allow me to complete a sentence before you start guessing and suggesting. A married man's prayer :Dear...
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Woody2
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0
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822
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True Aussie Poem
(Preview)
Subject: A True Aussie Poem...dunny manWe had no dunny man. Dad had to do the job. He buried the 'manure'behind the chook shed by the first row of vines. No wonder they fruited well!!!!They were funny looking buildings, that were once a way of life.If you couldn't sprint the distance, then you really w...
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Woody2
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853
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