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Nelson at Trafalgar...in 2016......Politically Correct.....brilliant......
(Preview)
Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy." Hardy: Aye, Aye Sir." Nelson: "Hold on, this is not what I dictated to Flags. "..........What's the meaning of this?" Hardy: "Sorry Sir." Nelson, -'reading the Signals aloud'- : "England expects every person to do his or her duty regardless of race, gender,sexu...
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goldfinger
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1
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1245
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2 more for the engineers
(Preview)
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." Th...
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Woody2
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0
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895
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Blind golfers
(Preview)
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here com...
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Woody2
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0
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775
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Six little stories
(Preview)
1 Once all the villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all the people gathered, But only one boy came with an umbrella. That's FAITH ======================================= 2 When you throw a baby in the air, She laughs because she knows you will catch her. That's TRU...
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aussie_paul
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0
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1050
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CentreLink
(Preview)
A young bloke with his pants hanging half off his a*se, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the Centrelink office to sign some paperwork. He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just H A T E being on the DOLE. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't...
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Possum3
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1
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883
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Here's another go at the Irish....
(Preview)
Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our cateri...
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kiwijims
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0
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710
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Brilliant! Guaranteed to give you a chuckle.
(Preview)
His Superior Refused To Call Him By His First Name, Until He Said This ...The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name sailor?""John," the new seaman replied."Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors i...
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aussie_paul
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8
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1472
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Ronnie Corbett's best jokes
(Preview)
Here are some of his best jokes: A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Fi...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1461
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Another go at the Irish...
(Preview)
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven hesaid, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me IrishWhiskey!'Miraculously, a parking p...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1031
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Mother taught her well
(Preview)
A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says". The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a j...
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Yarra
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1
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923
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Aussie outback sense of humour!
(Preview)
One should not be cynical, and heaven knows I try not to be, however... You cant beat the Aussie outback sense of humour! K.J. -- Edited by kiwijims on Sunday 3rd of April 2016 10:44:56 AM
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kiwijims
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0
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707
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Can I take the dog for a walk
(Preview)
A little girl asks her mother if she can take the dog for a walk. Not right now darling, she's on heat. Please mum i'll keep her close.Go and see your father, he's down in the shed. Dad, can I take the dog for a walk. Not right now darling, she's on heat. Please dad i'll look after her. Dad thinks a while. Ok wa...
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Hey Jim
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0
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807
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ANOTHER TALL TALE FROM AUSTRALIA
(Preview)
I went fishing one morning down by the lake, but after a short time I ran out of prawn bait. Bugger! Then I saw a red-belly black snake with a frog in its mouth. I said to it, Good on yer, Cobber. (Frogs are really good barramundi bait.) Knowing that the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his m...
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Yarra
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0
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970
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Adoption Doubts
(Preview)
A couple who work at the travelling circus go to an adoption agency.Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability to adopt.The couple produces photos of their expensive, 50 foot Prevost motor-home, which is already equipped with a beautiful nursery.The social workers then are doubt...
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Yarra
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0
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861
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Drinking in Galway, Ireland.
(Preview)
"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's.... The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red...
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aussie_paul
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0
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856
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XYZ Bank:
(Preview)
XYZ Bank - This is Brilliant Cancel Credit cards prior to death! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die! This is so priceless and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today! A lady died this past January, and XYZ Bank billed her for February and March for the...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1481
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DONT ARGUE
(Preview)
Husband and wife had been arguing for hours on the road. As they pass a herd of jackasses the wife quips "Relatives of yours" Husband ever so calmy replies............ "Yep...............in laws." -- Edited by Bushpie on Friday 1st of April 2016 09:41:19 AM
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Bushpie
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0
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1020
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On a desolate island
(Preview)
On a beautiful desolate island in the middle of nowhere, the following group of people are shipwrecked :-2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman2 French men and 1 French woman2 German men and 1 German woman2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman2 C...
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rgren2
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0
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869
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Little Johnny
(Preview)
Little Johnny !HonestyYup, some people cant handle the truth!My Favorite AnimalOur teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fr...
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rgren2
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0
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879
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An Australian story
(Preview)
A young lad from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he has squandered all of his money. He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing... they actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Blue how to...
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Pamela G
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1
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845
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