Just Joking

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Yesterday I told my wife to relax and embrace her mistakes. She cried and then hugged me. . Man throws his Mother-in-Law into a crocodile infested pit and gets charged with animal cruelty by the RSPCA. . THE SILENT TREATMENT A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were...

Hendo · Hendo

One day, 3 men died and went to heaven. "Religion?" God's secretary asked the first man. "Jewish," the man replied. "Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8," the secretary said. "Religion?" he asked the second man. "Muslim." "Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."...

Hendo · Hendo

One day, 3 men died and went to heaven. "Religion?" God's secretary asked the first man. "Jewish," the man replied. "Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8," the secretary said. "Religion?" he asked the second man. "Muslim." "Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."...

goldfinger · goldfinger

A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to purchase a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't really know which one to get, so she just picks a combo set, and goes over to the counter. The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything a...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 87 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a Nursing Home at about $4,000 per month. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old, and we have no idea where he is. I like long walks, especially when the...

goldfinger · goldfinger

"You'll be fine", the Doctor said after finishing the young lady's surgery. "But", she asked earnestly, "how long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor?".... The Surgeon seemed to pause.... ....and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the very corner of...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

A 5-year-old boy visited his grandmother one day.Playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, Grandma, how come you dont have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?Grandma replied, Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day l...

goldfinger · goldfinger

Kev feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to, and thought she may need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how he should approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss her problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea...

goldfinger · goldfinger

A blonde was selling her pet Python on Ebay. A bloke just rang up and asked if it was big. She said:.."Its simply massssive". He said: "How many feet?" She said: None -it's a fricken snake!"........... Hoo Roo

goldfinger · goldfinger

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy." Hardy: Aye, Aye Sir." Nelson: "Hold on, this is not what I dictated to Flags. "..........What's the meaning of this?" Hardy: "Sorry Sir." Nelson, -'reading the Signals aloud'- : "England expects every person to do his or her duty regardless of race, gender,sexu...

Woody2 · Woody2

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." Th...

Woody2 · Woody2

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here com...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

1 Once all the villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all the people gathered, But only one boy came with an umbrella. That's FAITH ======================================= 2 When you throw a baby in the air, She laughs because she knows you will catch her. That's TRU...

Possum3 · Possum3

A young bloke with his pants hanging half off his a*se, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the Centrelink office to sign some paperwork. He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just H A T E being on the DOLE. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't...

kiwijims · kiwijims

Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our cateri...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

His Superior Refused To Call Him By His First Name, Until He Said This ...The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name sailor?""John," the new seaman replied."Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors i...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Here are some of his best jokes: A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Fi...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven hesaid, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me IrishWhiskey!'Miraculously, a parking p...

Yarra · Yarra

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says". The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a j...

kiwijims · kiwijims

One should not be cynical, and heaven knows I try not to be, however... You cant beat the Aussie outback sense of humour! K.J. -- Edited by kiwijims on Sunday 3rd of April 2016 10:44:56 AM

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	JOKES - ENJOY! (Preview) Yesterday I told my wife to relax and embrace her mistakes. She cried and then hugged me. . Man throws his Mother-in-Law into a crocodile infested pit and gets charged with animal cruelty by the RSPCA. . THE SILENT TREATMENT A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were...	aussie_paul	0	951	05:06 PM Apr 7, 2016 by aussie_paul
	Room 8 (Preview) One day, 3 men died and went to heaven. "Religion?" God's secretary asked the first man. "Jewish," the man replied. "Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8," the secretary said. "Religion?" he asked the second man. "Muslim." "Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."...	Hendo	0	796	03:35 PM Apr 7, 2016 by Hendo
	Room 8 (Preview) One day, 3 men died and went to heaven. "Religion?" God's secretary asked the first man. "Jewish," the man replied. "Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8," the secretary said. "Religion?" he asked the second man. "Muslim." "Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you go past room 8."...	Hendo	0	755	03:34 PM Apr 7, 2016 by Hendo
	The Fishing Rod..... (Preview) A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to purchase a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't really know which one to get, so she just picks a combo set, and goes over to the counter. The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything a...	goldfinger	0	823	11:33 AM Apr 7, 2016 by goldfinger
	JOKES - ENJOY! (Preview) Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 87 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a Nursing Home at about $4,000 per month. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old, and we have no idea where he is. I like long walks, especially when the...	aussie_paul	0	730	08:29 PM Apr 6, 2016 by aussie_paul
	A Tearful Post Surgery Question... (Preview) "You'll be fine", the Doctor said after finishing the young lady's surgery. "But", she asked earnestly, "how long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again Doctor?".... The Surgeon seemed to pause.... ....and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the very corner of...	goldfinger	1	962	11:52 PM Apr 6, 2016 by Joe50
	Oops, careful what you say to the Grandkids… (Preview) A 5-year-old boy visited his grandmother one day.Playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, Grandma, how come you dont have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?Grandma replied, Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day l...	aussie_paul	0	693	10:36 AM Apr 6, 2016 by aussie_paul
	He's fairly certain she's hard of hearing....... (Preview) Kev feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to, and thought she may need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how he should approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss her problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea...	goldfinger	0	760	08:39 AM Apr 6, 2016 by goldfinger
	Boom Boom! (Preview) A blonde was selling her pet Python on Ebay. A bloke just rang up and asked if it was big. She said:.."Its simply massssive". He said: "How many feet?" She said: None -it's a fricken snake!"........... Hoo Roo	goldfinger	0	765	08:24 AM Apr 6, 2016 by goldfinger
	Nelson at Trafalgar...in 2016......Politically Correct.....brilliant...... (Preview) Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy." Hardy: Aye, Aye Sir." Nelson: "Hold on, this is not what I dictated to Flags. "..........What's the meaning of this?" Hardy: "Sorry Sir." Nelson, -'reading the Signals aloud'- : "England expects every person to do his or her duty regardless of race, gender,sexu...	goldfinger	1	1245	09:21 PM Apr 5, 2016 by Baggie
	2 more for the engineers (Preview) Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." Th...	Woody2	0	895	05:02 PM Apr 5, 2016 by Woody2
	Blind golfers (Preview) A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here com...	Woody2	0	775	04:58 PM Apr 5, 2016 by Woody2
	Six little stories (Preview) 1 Once all the villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all the people gathered, But only one boy came with an umbrella. That's FAITH ======================================= 2 When you throw a baby in the air, She laughs because she knows you will catch her. That's TRU...	aussie_paul	0	1050	09:35 AM Apr 5, 2016 by aussie_paul
	CentreLink (Preview) A young bloke with his pants hanging half off his a*se, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the Centrelink office to sign some paperwork. He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just H A T E being on the DOLE. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't...	Possum3	1	883	05:12 PM Apr 6, 2016 by grahos
	Here's another go at the Irish.... (Preview) Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our cateri...	kiwijims	0	710	11:36 AM Apr 4, 2016 by kiwijims
	Brilliant! Guaranteed to give you a chuckle. (Preview) His Superior Refused To Call Him By His First Name, Until He Said This ...The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name sailor?""John," the new seaman replied."Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors i...	aussie_paul	8	1472	06:48 PM Apr 4, 2016 by goldfinger
	Ronnie Corbett's best jokes (Preview) Here are some of his best jokes: A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Fi...	aussie_paul	2	1460	07:29 PM Apr 3, 2016 by Woody n Sue
	Another go at the Irish... (Preview) Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven hesaid, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me IrishWhiskey!'Miraculously, a parking p...	aussie_paul	1	1031	06:03 PM Apr 3, 2016 by Felicia
	Mother taught her well (Preview) A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says". The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a j...	Yarra	1	923	08:57 PM Apr 3, 2016 by Felicia
	Aussie outback sense of humour! (Preview) One should not be cynical, and heaven knows I try not to be, however... You cant beat the Aussie outback sense of humour! K.J. -- Edited by kiwijims on Sunday 3rd of April 2016 10:44:56 AM	kiwijims	0	707	10:44 AM Apr 3, 2016 by kiwijims
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