Recently Active Topics

The Englishman's wife steps up to the first tee. As she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford them" she r...

Got a phone call this morning from a cousin. She wanted to see if I was ok. My name had appeared in the death announcements in her local paper. I assured I felt ok and she wouldn't have to worry about attending a funeral next week. It seems that the spelling of the first, second and surname were all the same a...

A man was walking along a beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp. Reluctantly, the genie said: "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also giv...

1.Who remembers the cap gun when we were kids...?......and they smelled great when fired....double them over for louder bang....Hoo Roo

My father was given 120mg syringes of Clexane in hospital. The same dose is available at the pharmacy, but is not on the PBS. However, doses of 20mg and 100mg are covered by PBS. So, instead of a single injection, he injects himself twice, and presumably the taxpayer pays more for this inconvenience. D...

An englishman an irishman and a scotsman were in the sweltering desert walking around looking desperatly for something to eat and drink, when, as if out of nowhere, a camel appeared. The englishman caught the camel and spluttered I support "Liverpool, so I suppose I better eat the liver." The scotsm...

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister, this looks pretty grim." "...

Q: What do you call a camel without a hump? A: Humphrey (Hump-free). Q: Did you hear about the camel who was accused of stock fraud? A: He took part in a hump and dump scheme. Q: Why did the Taliban school alternate Sex Education classes with Drivers Ed.? A: They only had one camel. Q. What do you call a Talib...

Classic....Hoo Roo

A man visited the local mental hospital and asked the head doctor how to determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised. Its simple actually, said the doctor. We fill up a bathtub, then we offer the patient a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket. Then we simply ask him or her to empty the batht...

Brenda was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young 'pullets' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters...

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone when it comes to pure strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workers on his team. After several minutes of ranting, the older worker had had enough and challenged the ****sure young worker. Why do...

A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently.Then the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus.""Well, uh, I was thinkin.' Perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss.The girl blushed...

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note saying, "I've had enough and left you, don't bother coming after me." She then hid under the bed to watch his reaction. After a short while the husband came home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he came...

There was a power failure in a Dublin Department Store last week and three hundred people were stranded on the escalators for more than two hours. OLeary, your glass is empty, will you be having another one? And what would I be doing with two empty glasses? OLeary replied. Young T...

An elderly Italian man lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeli...

With family at The Entrance NSW . Walked the lake out to ocean . Walked back picking up two nappies, 15 plastic bags including chip bags . 6 batteries and heap of bottles . All with in 10m of rubbish bin . Top place . Why do people leave crap like this ? Should have fines similar to Singapore ! ATTITUDE !!