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Paddy
(Preview)
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police and says "Bejasus I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb." The operator asks, "is it tickin?... Paddy says "No, oi tink it's beef.."
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copper1
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0
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462
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Exams .
(Preview)
Just before the end of a school day the teacher says to the class " Don't forget tomorrow we have a very important examand it is absolutely compulsory for everyone to be here ." The only excuse for non-attendance is a death in the family or a severe illness ." Johnny stands and says "...
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sandsmere
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0
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564
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DIESEL FITTER;
(Preview)
Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs..' The clerk looked up Knicke...
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justcruisin01
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3
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704
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You just have to enjoy life......no matter what..lol
(closed)
(Preview)
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bridget
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7
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1178
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Fortune Teller
(Preview)
During a recent publicity outing, Jennifer sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will d...
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Hendo
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1
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569
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HHMMMMMMMMM!
(Preview)
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justcruisin01
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1
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643
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Dr's Visit
(Preview)
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit do...
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copper1
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0
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542
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MISPLACED MY GLASSES
(Preview)
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time. Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing. Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was "only thinking of me&q...
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Big Gorilla
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2
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617
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I love chocolate..only a male would think like this ..lol
(Preview)
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bridget
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7
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680
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Romantic Dinner
(Preview)
A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman stared str...
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rosco532
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0
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554
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For Music Lovers
(Preview)
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827". Then he realizes t...
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rosco532
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0
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435
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Miracle of God
(Preview)
An old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?' George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in...
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HOOK
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1
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569
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AN EXPLANATION OF LIFE;
(Preview)
On the first day, God created the dog and said, sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years. The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And G...
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justcruisin01
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1
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680
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Places I've been # 2
(Preview)
I was in Somnia last month but didn't get much sleep. ( Your turn )
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Hendo
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9
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826
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A SIGHN OF THE TIMES;
(Preview)
A sign of the times > A woman walks into the City Centrelink office, trailed by 15 kids . . .> 'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they ALL yours?'> 'Yeah, they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.> She says, 'Sit down Terry.'...
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justcruisin01
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1
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629
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flowers anyone ...lol
(Preview)
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bridget
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0
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510
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Burial
(Preview)
I was asked by the local minister to play the bagpipes at a funeral for an old homeless man - he had no family, no friends and was to be buried in a paupers grave. I agreed to do this for the old man. On the day of the funeral I got lost, and being a man, I didn't ask for directions therefore I was an hour late to th...
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Nelly
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0
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571
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TASMANIAN ACCCIDENT.
(Preview)
Very sad news at the Cadbury factory in Tasmania today. A member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath. He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me", everyone just cheered. ...
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sarg
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1
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618
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TOMATOE'S....!!
(Preview)
A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbour.... He had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. the woman asked the gentleman, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so r...
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copper1
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0
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558
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When you are over sixty who gives a sh#t.
(Preview)
When you are over sixty who gives a sh#t. This ******* looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Crown Larger or VB?" I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out." When you are over sixty who gives a sh#t? *********** I was talking to a girl i...
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copper1
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1
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581
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