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Live long enough to be a real concern to your family ...
(Preview)
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Gunsondeck
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0
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1361
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This is your Captain speaking
(Preview)
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: 'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back,rela...
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Yendorane
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1
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666
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The duck
(Preview)
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," Says t...
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arthur
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1
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925
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Just Joking...
(Preview)
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster. My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault...
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Gunsondeck
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1
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935
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The Newfie Stud
(Preview)
Bob liked to frequent the Newfoundland beaches, but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend George the lifeguard for advice. It's dem big baggy swimming trunks, my son. Dey're years outta style. Yer best bet is to grab yeself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small, and dro...
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Yendorane
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1
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931
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Pension Age....
(Preview)
Forget the political comments, but I thought this was funny....
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Vic41
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0
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690
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As only the Irish Can Tell A Story !!!!
(Preview)
Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink. So wh...
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Gunsondeck
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0
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726
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Grandma Goes To Court.....
(Preview)
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Vic41
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6
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845
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Glasgow Dentist
(Preview)
A Glasgow man phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction "£85 pounds for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied. "£85 quid! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?" "That's the normal charge," said the dentist. "Whit aboot if ye didnae use an...
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Hurls
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0
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671
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The Cop
(Preview)
A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street, when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him. 'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?' 'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!' The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop sa...
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Yendorane
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0
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683
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Sure Bet
(Preview)
A man's wife hits him across the head. "What's that for?" She says "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Sexy Sarah written on it." Quick as a flash he replies "That's the name of a horse I bet on today, you silly woman." She apologises. A week later she hits him ove...
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Yendorane
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0
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736
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Old Farts at the Bar
(Preview)
I pointed to two old farts across the bar from us and told my friend Bob, "That'll be us in ten years." He turned to me and said.. "That's a mirror, you dumb s**t."
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Hurls
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1
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812
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Leaving Home...
(Preview)
For his birthday, little James asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $500,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.' The next day the father saw little James heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he ask...
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Vic41
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1
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759
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MEN
(Preview)
There are three kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen. The rest get married and wonder what happened!
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sarg
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1
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793
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Try it today ... please
(Preview)
http://www.engrish.com/wp-content/uploads//2014/05/try-%63%6F%63%6B-today.jpg-- Edited by dorian on Friday 2nd of May 2014 07:49:03 AM
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dorian
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1
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940
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BERT;
(Preview)
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret looked him over. "Nope." Frustrated, Bert...
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justcruisin01
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0
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794
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Snow
(Preview)
Lady goes on holiday to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What is your name?' 'I can't tell you,' the black man says. Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can't te...
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Yendorane
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3
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1248
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The wit of the Scots
(Preview)
The wit of the Scots.... A Greek and a Scotsman were sitting in a Starbucks cafe discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well we Greeks built the Parthenon" and arched his eyebrows. The Scotsman replies, "Well ... it was the Scots that discove...
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dazz49
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0
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775
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We don't like that in Heaven..
(Preview)
God visited a man and told him he must give up smoking, drinking and sex if he wants to get into heaven. The man said he would try his best. God visited the man a week later to see how he was getting on. "Not bad" said the man, "I've given up smoking and drinking but when the wife bent over the l...
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Hurls
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2
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807
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Two little kids
(Preview)
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room---the first surgeries of the day. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." Th...
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Yendorane
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0
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807
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