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Priorities.....
(Preview)
At dawn the telephone rings and wakes the vacationing English Lord Gillingham. The caller-ID identifies the source of the call as his loyal butler, Callen. "I'm frightfully sorry to bother you M'Lard but there is a problem. Your prize parrot is now deceased". "The one that won the...
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Goldfinger
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0
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758
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???...
(closed)
(Preview)
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Gunsondeck
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6
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1577
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A FABLE FOR SECRETARYS
(Preview)
When the body was first made, all parts wanted to be Boss. The Brain said. " Since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be Boss. The Feet said, "since I carry man where he wants to go, and get him in position to do what the brain wants, I should be Boss". The hand said, &quo...
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Hey Jim
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0
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751
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The New Sandals....
(Preview)
A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the market-place looking at the vast array of goods on offer, and they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a strong Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners, do come in please"? "Com...
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Goldfinger
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0
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656
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Wine
(Preview)
A glass of wine To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and to those who don't and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand: As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is freedom, In water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonst...
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Ontos45
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1
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961
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Ashes
(Preview)
Cremated Husband Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him.... You know that dishwasher you promised me, but ne...
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Ontos45
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0
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827
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WARNING
(Preview)
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Hey Jim
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0
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741
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THE BIRDS & THE BEES
(Preview)
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Hey Jim
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0
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909
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GETTING OLDER
(Preview)
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Hey Jim
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0
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705
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..and if you laugh at this you are not a nice person..I did...and I'm not......
(Preview)
I was in a pub in far Western Queensland last Saturday night, When this brutally ugly girl, built like a young heifer, came up to me, gave me a sly look, squeezed my arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy." I replied, "Have you got a pen?" She winked, smiled and giggled... &qu...
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Goldfinger
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3
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953
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Funny mishearing
(Preview)
Talking about our long service leave coming up, I said to my wife "Before we head west, I think I'II get new back tyres" My wife looked at me with a confused/shocked look on her face and said "You want to get me baptised??"
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Collo
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0
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788
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CHristian Revival Crusade Notice
(Preview)
Minister, The Rev. Hey Not M.A. B.D. Perhaps you have heard of me and my international campaign in the cause of temperanmer. Each year for the past fourteen years I have made a tour of Australia and New Zealand delivering a series of lectures on the evils of drinking. On those tours I have been accompa...
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Hey Jim
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0
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1187
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A Private letter from an Irish Mother
(Preview)
Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. You won't know the house when you get home - we have moved. About your father- he has a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing mach...
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Hey Jim
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0
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693
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Ahhh, the sweet days of our youth!!...a tad P/Incorrect.
(Preview)
I remember the time, when I was considerably younger.......... I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home, having scraped up just enough money to take her to a fancy Restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu: Prawn ****ktail, Lobster Patron, and champagne. I asked her, "D...
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Goldfinger
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1
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939
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the farmer
(Preview)
An old station hand named Billy was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in the outback when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni? suit, Gucci? shoes, RayBan? sunglasses and YSL? tie, leaned out the window and asked the old man, "...
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dING
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2
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1039
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Under nurrished Baby
(Preview)
Lady goes to the doctor with the new baby. The doctor looks at the baby and says to the woman, this baby is under nurrished. Is the baby been feed. Of cause she says. The doctor says that he will have to examine her, can you strip down to the waist please. So the woman complys with his request. To his amazemen...
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Hey Jim
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0
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752
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IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY
(Preview)
Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming Sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly stared to fly south. In a short time ice began to from on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on t...
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Hey Jim
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0
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948
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Private And Confidential Letter from our Stock Brokers
(Preview)
Dear Madam, Our records show that you holding shares in the following Companies:- Metropolitan Water Co. LTD Metropolitan Gas Co. LTD Union can Company LTD British Perforated Tissue paper NL Due to uncertain conditions of the market at present. We would like to advise you to sit on your Union Can,...
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Hey Jim
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0
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678
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Dangerous Dog
(Preview)
A tourist stopped at a country store and noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the door. Inside, he saw a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "...
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rockylizard
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0
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885
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Will you remarry when I die
(Preview)
"Dear," asked a wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband....
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Woody n Sue
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2
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912
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