(A community service announcement to help women better understand men)

Because I'm a man - when I lock my keys in the car, I will continue to fiddle with a coat hanger until long after hypothermia has set in.  Calling the RACV is not an option.  I will win.

Because I'm a man - I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the supermarket, like milk or bread.  I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu'. For all I know, these are the same thing.

Because I'm a man - when the car isn't running very well, I will open the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know exactly what I'm looking at.  If another man shows up, one of us will eventually say to the other 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start'.

Because I'm a man - when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.

Because I'm a man - I can and will fart loudly and often.  It's our way of marking our territory.  If we didn't do it, burglars would come.