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The top ten jokes at the Edinburgh fringe were:
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1. Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day Adam Rowe 2. I had a job drilling holes for water it was well boring Leo Kearse 3. I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I dont pay it back, Im going to get repossessed Olaf Falafel 4. In my la...
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Georgia Judge
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In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been...
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1229
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Heaven awaits
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A priest walked into a bar and made an announcement. Anyone who wants to go to heaven, stand up. Everybody in the bar stood up except for one drunk man sitting in the corner. The priest looked to the man. My son, dont you want to go to heaven when you die? He asked. When I die? The man asked. Sure. I just thoug...
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620
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Golf
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A man is on a golf course and stands over his tee shot for what seems like an eternity. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures out the wind direction and speed. Fed up, his cranky golf partner finally says, Oi! Whats taking so long? Hit the bloody ball! Pausing for a moment, the man look...
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Bubba.
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Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary. The three men had always done everything together!!!!! Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, Yup, h...
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835
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Too drunk.
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A woman is cheating on her husband with another man one evening when they hear a noise downstairs. Dear lord, is your husband home? the man asks. What am I going to do? Relax, the woman says. Just stay in bed with me. Hes probably drunk and he wont even notice you. The husband eventually drags himself upst...
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657
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More funnies
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Simple things can be serious. "Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house." "Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot died. "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competitio...
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Inspiration
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LLD
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761
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The Coworker
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A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up to him and says "I didn't know you were into earrings". "Don't make such a big deal, i...
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fwdoz
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Prostate examination
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A guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to a Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a lady doctor The doctor says,"I'm going to check your prostate today, but this a new procedure andis a little different from what you are used to. I want you to lie on...
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Female Fantasy
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Ask any man what a woman's ultimate fantasy is and they will tell you, to have two men at once. According to a recent social logical study this is true, however most men do not realise that in this fantasy, one man is cooking, and the other is cleaning.
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fwdoz
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Childhood illness
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A newlywed couple enjoying their honeymoon get ready to see each other naked for the first time in their relationship. The husband takes off his shoes exposing his mangled and twisted feet. He explains: I had tolio as a child. The wife asks if he means polio. No, it only affects the toes, he says. The man...
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Pretty dumb joke we reckon.
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We went to the Zoo the other day. The only animal it had in it was a Dog. It was a Sh*t Zoo. -- Edited by Desert Dweller on Tuesday 14th of August 2018 05:32:57 AM
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Desert Dweller
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Cow Dung
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A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing h...
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Paintar
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An oldie but still a goodie.
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s Aussie Paul. -- Edited by aussie_paul on Monday 13th of August 2018 05:20:39 PM
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aussie_paul
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Hot as Hell
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A man is on a business trip to the USA and had arranged for his wife and children to fly out to meet him down in Florida afterwards. After several days work in New York he reaches their hotel in Florida a day early and decides to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper with his wife's e-m...
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737
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IPhone Jokes
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Q: How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone X? A: Don't worry, they'll let you know. Q: What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around? A: Dead Siri-ous Q: Why is the Apple still reporting record profits? A: Because iPhone users are just as oblivious to the looming recession...
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Dave1952
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The wife won't take kindly to this
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The wife won't take kindly to thisIt all began with an iPhone March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldnt?I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.Our daughters birthday was in August so we g...
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Dave1952
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A few more gags
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Finding your lost luggage at the airport should be easy. However, that's not the case. My Grandad recently had to start using Viagra. Grandma took it pretty hard. My son asked: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?" Yes, we arson. Just found out my mate has been shot with a starting pistol. Police think it's race-...
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fwdoz
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Dumb Kid.
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A boy goes to the corner store. On seeing him enter, the cashier whispers to the customer hes serving: This is the dumbest kid in the world. Just watch this. The cashier pulls out a single dollar coin and places it in one hand then holds a five dollar note in his other hand. Which do you want? the cashier as...
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