Just Joking

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

A bloke from the bush walked into a Sydney antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway. He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?' The owner replied: 'It's $...

Possum3 · Possum3

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered with flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor behind the beautiful heart forever. At that point on...

Paintar · Paintar

A retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?' The prostitute replies, 'Well, ol...

Dave1952 · Dave1952

Let's see who has a clean mind here.Starts with F and ends with K A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?' Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she...

MOLLUSCAN · MOLLUSCAN

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack."Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's ok...

Possum3 · Possum3

A grandmother is giving directions to her adult grandson who is coming to visit. You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elb...

fwdoz · fwdoz

The manager of a liquor store gets a midnight phone call at home: "Hello!" "At what time does the store open?" "At ten o'clock sir". At two in the morning, the phone rings again: "HELLO!" "Ya (burp), at what time does, euh, the store open?" "AT TEN IN THE MORNING, sir". Again, at four, the phone rings: "H!...

oldbloke · oldbloke

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use...

Dave1952 · Dave1952

The Dying Priest In Canberra an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near. "Yes, Father?" said the nurse. "I would really like to see Prime Minister and the Treasurer before I die", whispered the pr...

oldbloke · oldbloke

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes."Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"Thinking the man is craz...

Possum3 · Possum3

I just joined a Gym and signed up for a fitness class, They told me to wear loose fitting clothing. If I had loose fitting clothing I wouldn't have joined the Gym.

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Possum3 · Possum3

A young girl has a terrible case of the flu, she is achy, has a high fever and is terribly hoarse. After waiting for the doctor for over an hour she is finally admitted. After the usual routine of listening to her breathing and checking her ears, the doctor looks at the girl and says, so what would you say is...

fwdoz · fwdoz

It's the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbour "The seat is empty". "This is incredible" said the man "Who in their r...

fwdoz · fwdoz

While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming: "U.S. AIR 2771, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING? I told you to turn RIG...

Paintar · Paintar

TEXT TO NEIGHBOUR:Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. Ive got a confession to make. Ive been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least Im telling you in this text and I cant live with myself a minute longer without you knowing abo...

fwdoz · fwdoz

A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound slee...

fwdoz · fwdoz

One day a woman walked into the bar. She was the ugliest thing you have ever seen. Sweaty, covered in spots and smelling of piss. She also had the hairiest armpits you have ever seen. Suddenly she raised her arm, hairs sticking out of her pit, and said "What man out there will buy a woman a drink?"Everyone...

fwdoz · fwdoz

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says "No, I'm traveling light". I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone". "I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them". "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn'...

fwdoz · fwdoz

What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money.

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	A bloke from the bush walked into a Sydney antique shop. (Preview) A bloke from the bush walked into a Sydney antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway. He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?' The owner replied: 'It's $...	aussie_paul	1	804	04:20 PM Jun 21, 2018 by Blues Man
	Funerals (Preview) A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered with flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor behind the beautiful heart forever. At that point on...	Possum3	1	757	06:53 AM Jun 21, 2018 by Blues Man
	Retired Sailor (Preview) A retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake. He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing?' The prostitute replies, 'Well, ol...	Paintar	1	761	03:23 PM Jun 20, 2018 by Blues Man
	Starts with "F" and ends with "K" (Preview) Let's see who has a clean mind here.Starts with F and ends with K A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, *'Harry, what's your problem?'* Harry answered, *'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm* *smarter than she...*	Dave1952	3	887	02:37 PM Jun 20, 2018 by jade46
	I think you will all sing along with this one. I did! (Preview) A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack."Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's ok...	MOLLUSCAN	1	703	08:38 AM Jun 20, 2018 by 67HR
	Visiting Granny. (Preview) A grandmother is giving directions to her adult grandson who is coming to visit. You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elb...	Possum3	0	736	07:38 PM Jun 19, 2018 by Possum3
	What time does the store open? (Preview) The manager of a liquor store gets a midnight phone call at home: "Hello!" "At what time does the store open?" "At ten o'clock sir". At two in the morning, the phone rings again: "HELLO!" "Ya (burp), at what time does, euh, the store open?" "AT TEN IN THE MORNING, sir". Again, at four, the phone rings: "H!...	fwdoz	1	641	06:36 PM Jun 19, 2018 by 67HR
	Nursing Home h (Preview) During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use...	oldbloke	1	744	06:32 PM Jun 19, 2018 by 67HR
	The Dying Priest (Preview) The Dying Priest In Canberra an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near. "Yes, Father?" said the nurse. "I would really like to see Prime Minister and the Treasurer before I die", whispered the pr...	Dave1952	0	513	11:33 AM Jun 19, 2018 by Dave1952
	Golfer (Preview) A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes."Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?"Thinking the man is craz...	oldbloke	1	623	06:46 AM Jun 19, 2018 by Blues Man
	Gym membership. (Preview) I just joined a Gym and signed up for a fitness class, They told me to wear loose fitting clothing. If I had loose fitting clothing I wouldn't have joined the Gym.	Possum3	0	681	04:10 PM Jun 17, 2018 by Possum3
	Tact.... (Preview)	aussie_paul	1	695	08:34 PM Jun 16, 2018 by JA2340
	Sick child (Preview) A young girl has a terrible case of the flu, she is achy, has a high fever and is terribly hoarse. After waiting for the doctor for over an hour she is finally admitted. After the usual routine of listening to her breathing and checking her ears, the doctor looks at the girl and says, so what would you say is...	Possum3	0	713	05:41 PM Jun 16, 2018 by Possum3
	World Cup Final (Preview) It's the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbour "The seat is empty". "This is incredible" said the man "Who in their r...	fwdoz	1	612	07:26 AM Jun 16, 2018 by Blues Man
	Airport (Preview) While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew, screaming: "U.S. AIR 2771, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING? I told you to turn RIG...	fwdoz	1	640	07:22 AM Jun 16, 2018 by Blues Man
	TEXT TO NEIGHBOUR: (Preview) TEXT TO NEIGHBOUR:Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. Ive got a confession to make. Ive been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. At least Im telling you in this text and I cant live with myself a minute longer without you knowing abo...	Paintar	2	934	07:16 AM Jun 16, 2018 by Blues Man
	What percentage? (Preview) A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound slee...	fwdoz	0	767	04:03 PM Jun 15, 2018 by fwdoz
	Ballerina (Preview) One day a woman walked into the bar. She was the ugliest thing you have ever seen. Sweaty, covered in spots and smelling of piss. She also had the hairiest armpits you have ever seen. Suddenly she raised her arm, hairs sticking out of her pit, and said "What man out there will buy a woman a drink?"Everyone...	fwdoz	0	612	04:01 PM Jun 15, 2018 by fwdoz
	One Liners (Preview) A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says "No, I'm traveling light". I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone". "I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them". "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn'...	fwdoz	0	544	03:58 PM Jun 15, 2018 by fwdoz
	What is? (Preview) What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money.	fwdoz	0	564	03:44 PM Jun 15, 2018 by fwdoz
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