There was a power failure in a Dublin Department Store last week and three hundred people were stranded on the escalators for more than two hours.

OLeary, your glass is empty, will you be having another one?
And what would I be doing with two empty glasses? OLeary replied.



Young Teresa came home with some dreadful news. Im pregnant she cries.
And how do you know its yours? shouts her father



PADDY: Hey Shaun, whats Micks surname?
SHAUN: Mick who?



*PADDY: If you can guess how many Pheasants Ive got in me bag you can have both of them.*
*SHAUN: Three.*



Mrs Murphy said: I dont tink me husband has been faithful to me.
Whys that? said Mrs OToole.
Me last child dont look anything like him.



Mrs OToole said: I can only tell you this bit of scandal once, because I promised Mrs OLeary I would never repeat it



Shaun and Molly sat up all night, on their honeymoon, waiting for their conjugal relations to arrive.



Murphy had a rope hanging from a tree in his garden. Shamus asked him what it was for.
Its me weather guide said Murphy, If its swinging back and forth, its windy and if its wet, its been raining.



Murphy was told by the Doctor he had two weeks to live, so he chose the last week in July and the first week in August.



Colleen dropped a Euro coin, intending it to fall into the blind mans hat on the pavement, but missed, as quick as a flash he scooped it up and put it in the hat. Youre not blind she said. No Im not said Paddy, Its Murphy whose blind, Im just filling in for him while hes gone to the pictures.



Were looking for a Treasurer for the Xmas fund, said Paddy.
Didnt you take on a new one last month? said Murphy.
Thats the one were looking for, Paddy replied.



Father OFlaherty asked Mrs OReilly how many children she had. Four was the reply. Thats a good Catholic woman you are, and when will you be having the next? He asked. Im not Father, she replied. I read that every fifth child born in the world is Chinese.



The Dublin pensioners club go on a mystery tour every Wednesday and to make it interesting they have a sweep to guess where they are going. Shamus, the coach driver, has won five weeks on the trot.