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A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not an...

A man in Sydney calls his son in Perth the day before Christmas and says,I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough. Pop, what are you talking about? the son screams. We cant stand the sight of each other any longer, the father sa...

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing...

Doug was writing his last will and testament in his nursing home. He was surrounded by his wife, his three daughters and his nurses.Slowly he went through each family member and told them what they stand to inherit, after he has passed away.My daughters, each of you will take my offices in the city, my a...

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and...

Im looking for a mobile service person to come out and check and service bearings and brakes on the van on Brisbane Northside. ive called a few but they all want to do a full van service which i dont want as i can do that stuff myself. Anyone have any recommendations. Thanks Ross

I have converted from deep cycle lead batteries to Lithium (some time ago) and a few queries have arisen in my mind as I contemplate the changes and management of same: Charging from an auxiliary array (no regulator) - connect direct to battery or to existing array charger/regulator? Is the roof arr...

How hard would it be for rangers to download a list of paid number plates in a given campsite and do a quick walk-around in the site to locate non arrivals or unpaid arrivals late arvo? Then all he might do is tap on the miscreants and they might be blackballed on the Nat Pks site for back pay and a sizeable $...

A Pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, Hey, I havent seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.What do you mean? said the Pirate, I feel fine.What about the wooden leg? You didnt have that before.Arr, well, said the Pirate, We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but Im...

Most seniors never get enough exercise.In His wisdom, God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking.And God looked down and saw that it was good.Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom, He made senior...

Hi guys, after a bit of help from Jayco owners. I purchased a used 2003 Jayco Heritage 21'6" van recently, the batteries were stuffed so changing them over. There is a Breaksafe series 4000 brakeaway system fitted, battery good in this. What I am after is where does the black wire go from the front of the...

He Slept With a Widow Using His Friends Name. Sixteen Months Later? Oops!Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jacks station-wagon and headed north.After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farmhouse and asked the attract...