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MOBILES ON THE TRAIN;
(Preview)
After a busy day I settled down in the train from Waterloo for a nap as far as my destination at Winchester, when the chap sitting near mehauled out his mobile and started up: "Hi darling, it's Peter, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the 6.30 not the 4.30 but I had a long meeting - no, not with that fl...
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justcruisin01
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1
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959
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FINANCIAL PLANNING;
(Preview)
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful w...
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justcruisin01
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0
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985
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pub talk;
(Preview)
I was in a pub the other night and saw two rather large girls by the bar.They both had strange accents so I said, Hello, are you two girls from Scotland?One of them screamed, It's WALES you f**king idiot!So I immediately apologized and said, Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland? I expect to be releas...
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justcruisin01
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0
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907
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Loving Husband
(Preview)
A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant. "Did you smell that food?" she asked. "Incredible!" Being a kind-hearted Scot and an loving husband, he thought: "What the heck, I'll treat her!" So they walked past the restaurant again.
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rockylizard
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1
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909
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Those of you who have pets.
(Preview)
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY For those of you who do not have pets, this is also a true story.The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door: Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and c...
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Palebushman
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0
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1142
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JEWS SANK THE TITANIC!
(Preview)
JEWS SANK THE TITANIC! The plane leaves Kingsford Smith Airport under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captai...
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Palebushman
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0
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981
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SUNDAY PAPER;
(Preview)
"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was. "Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY". There w...
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justcruisin01
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0
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817
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Keeping fit for us 'mature' types
(Preview)
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 1-kg potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that y...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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727
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Pervert phone call
(Preview)
The phone rings, and the wife answers. A pervert with heavy breathing, says, "I bet you have a tightarse with no hair?" Womanreplies, "Yes, he's watching TV - whom shall I say is calling?"
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hammer
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1
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1010
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Nurse
(Preview)
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sucastja
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1
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947
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Phone Call
(Preview)
Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, 'Hello?' 'Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?' 'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.' After a brief pause, Daddy says, 'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.' 'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now..' Br...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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881
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50 years
(Preview)
While having drinks in a bar in their old neighborhood, an elderly husband leaned over and asked his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together, over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern, where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." "Yes,&q...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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845
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Results
(Preview)
A woman in her fifties is at home happily jumping unclothed, on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?" The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I don't care wh...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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664
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Dear Diary
(Preview)
Dear Diary, Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy-efficient kinds. Then, this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them. Now just becau...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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734
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THE GUNFIGHTER...
(Preview)
THE GUNFIGHTER... A young cowboy, sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the ol'-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his ambition to be a great shot... "Cou...
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Hoodathunkit
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0
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867
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Exercise
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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1
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821
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LARRY;
(Preview)
The math teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44? Larry quickly replied, NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network! Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked...
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justcruisin01
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1
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893
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LONDON CABBIE;
(Preview)
London Cabbie A devout Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, and certainly not Western music which is the music of the infidel....
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justcruisin01
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5
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1178
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Still Celebrating!!!
(Preview)
I took the wife to a disco at the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor giving it everything he had; breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. My wife turned to me and said, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." I said, "Looks like he's still cel...
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barina
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0
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758
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A good Catholic Joke……………
(Preview)
... The Pope and Australia's prime minister Julia Gillard are on the same stage at the MCG in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Ms Gillard and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary displa...
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sucastja
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2
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1038
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