Just Joking

Hoodathunkit · Hoodathunkit

THIS IS PRICELESS!!! I finally received my tax return for 2012 back from the ATO. It puzzles me!!! They are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents." I replied: 1 million illegal immigrants; 1 million crack he...

Nelly · Nelly

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies "I see millions of stars..." "W...

copper1 · copper1

House of ill reputeSee if you can work this out: There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom of the hill.. There were four men ..... one was walking briskly up the hill; one was inside the brothel; one was walking slowly down the hill and the fourth man was sitting in his car at...

Big Gorilla · Big Gorilla

The Talking Centipede A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box bac...

Zoomtopz · Zoomtopz

A radio announcer offered a prize for people to ring in for - The best nick-names for they're spouse . Well he got all th usuals - Lovey Dovey , Tail-lights , because he was not very bright . Touses , because h had no r's n em . The winner went to a Very brave bloke who nick-named his wife Harvey Norman . Th shoc...

sarg · sarg

THE THREE NUNS THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING AN AFL FINAL.. THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND.. BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.. IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SA...

sarg · sarg

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouti...

sarg · sarg

This guy gets on a plane, and finding himself seated next to a cute blonde, immediately turned to her and made his move. "You know," he began, "I've heard that flights will go way quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers. So, let's talk...?" The blond...

sarg · sarg

Kosiosco National Park has issued a travel warning due to snowfall and bad road conditions. They suggest that anyone travelling in the current icy conditions should ensure they have the following: Shovel Blankets or sleeping bag Extra clothing including hat and gloves 24 hours worth of food De...

rockylizard · rockylizard

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

Beware of The Older Woman THE OLDER WOMAN I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 61 year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever Had a...

GaryKelly · GaryKelly

Travel Plans for 2013-2014 I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone.. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I ha...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come. He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. 'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,! 'Ain't dat grand, !!' Murphy got excited by this, but...

Duh · Duh

This was not an ad that was used, but a bawdy jingle made up about the milk years ago (an email doing the rounds say it was done for a competition by an old lady, but that is crap according to snopes)

sarg · sarg

Two Kiwis, Trevor and Jeanette, are walking down a street in Bondi in Sydney . Trevor happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said 'Suits $10.00 each, Shirts $4.00 each, Trousers $5.00 per pair' Trevor says to his pal, ' Jeanette, look! We could buy a who...

Dunmowin · Dunmowin

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1940's, 50's, and 60's, and possibly of interest to those unfortunate to have been born later! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank Sherry while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos... They to...

badgerhel · badgerhel

Senior Sex The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.&...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconce...

HOOK · HOOK

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'.. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.. He Falls flat on his fa...

rockylizard · rockylizard

A bloke walked into the pet store and, after looking up and down the aisles, asked the sales clerk for help. 'I'd like a box of birdseed' 'For which kind of bird?' he asked helpfully. 'Oh, I dunno ... whichever will grow the fastest.'.

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Tax Return (Preview) THIS IS PRICELESS!!! I finally received my tax return for 2012 back from the ATO. It puzzles me!!! They are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents." I replied: 1 million illegal immigrants; 1 million crack he...	Hoodathunkit	0	561	03:17 PM Aug 16, 2013 by Hoodathunkit
	Always See the Big Picture (Preview) The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe look towards sky, what you see?" The Lone Ranger replies "I see millions of stars..." "W...	Nelly	3	717	02:40 PM Aug 16, 2013 by pauline
	House of ill repute (Preview) *House of ill reputeSee if you can work this out:* There was a brothel at the top of a hill, with a large red light at the bottom of the hill.. There were four men ..... one was walking briskly up the hill; one was inside the brothel; one was walking slowly down the hill and the fourth man was sitting in his car at...**	copper1	1	539	02:33 PM Aug 16, 2013 by pauline
	THE TALKING CENTIPEDE... (Preview) The Talking Centipede A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box bac...	Big Gorilla	1	609	02:32 PM Aug 16, 2013 by pauline
	Then it started (Preview) A radio announcer offered a prize for people to ring in for - The best nick-names for they're spouse . Well he got all th usuals - Lovey Dovey , Tail-lights , because he was not very bright . Touses , because h had no r's n em . The winner went to a Very brave bloke who nick-named his wife Harvey Norman . Th shoc...	Zoomtopz	0	505	10:25 PM Aug 15, 2013 by Zoomtopz
	THE THREE NUNS (Preview) THE THREE NUNS THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING AN AFL FINAL.. THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND.. BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO ANOTHER AREA.. IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SA...	sarg	1	588	05:03 PM Aug 15, 2013 by Nelly
	THE PARROT AND THE MAGICIAN. (Preview) A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouti...	sarg	0	555	04:48 AM Aug 15, 2013 by sarg
	A BLONDE JOKE WITH A DIFFERENCE (Preview) This guy gets on a plane, and finding himself seated next to a cute blonde, immediately turned to her and made his move. "You know," he began, "I've heard that flights will go way quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passengers. So, let's talk...?" The blond...	sarg	0	448	04:44 AM Aug 15, 2013 by sarg
	HEAVY SNOWFALLS (Preview) Kosiosco National Park has issued a travel warning due to snowfall and bad road conditions. They suggest that anyone travelling in the current icy conditions should ensure they have the following: Shovel Blankets or sleeping bag Extra clothing including hat and gloves 24 hours worth of food De...	sarg	0	465	04:39 AM Aug 15, 2013 by sarg
	The difference... (Preview) The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.	rockylizard	1	629	02:37 AM Aug 15, 2013 by Wombat 280
	BEWARE OF THE OLDER WOMAN; (Preview) Beware of The Older Woman THE OLDER WOMAN I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 61 year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever Had a...	justcruisin01	1	676	02:31 AM Aug 15, 2013 by Wombat 280
	Travel Plans (Preview) Travel Plans for 2013-2014 I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone.. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I ha...	GaryKelly	1	534	10:57 PM Aug 14, 2013 by JRH
	THE GOOD OIL; (Preview) Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come. He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. 'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,! 'Ain't dat grand, !!' Murphy got excited by this, but...	justcruisin01	0	634	03:09 AM Aug 14, 2013 by justcruisin01
	Bawdy Carnation Milk Ad (Preview) This was not an ad that was used, but a bawdy jingle made up about the milk years ago (an email doing the rounds say it was done for a competition by an old lady, but that is crap according to snopes)	Duh	2	680	05:20 AM Aug 14, 2013 by Duh
	What we Aussies have to cope with !!??!! (Preview) Two Kiwis, Trevor and Jeanette, are walking down a street in Bondi in Sydney . Trevor happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said 'Suits $10.00 each, Shirts $4.00 each, Trousers $5.00 per pair' Trevor says to his pal, ' Jeanette, look! We could buy a who...	sarg	2	517	11:49 PM Aug 13, 2013 by GaryKelly
	Were you born in the 1940's, 50s or 60s - read on... (Preview) CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1940's, 50's, and 60's, and possibly of interest to those unfortunate to have been born later! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank Sherry while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos... They to...	Dunmowin	7	1503	06:05 PM Aug 12, 2013 by Ontos45
	Senior Sex (Preview) Senior Sex The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.&...	badgerhel	0	804	08:08 AM Aug 12, 2013 by badgerhel
	ROMANTIC DINNER; (Preview) A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconce...	justcruisin01	0	602	04:37 AM Aug 10, 2013 by justcruisin01
	Gotta love the Irish (Preview) Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'.. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.. He Falls flat on his fa...	HOOK	1	681	04:56 AM Aug 10, 2013 by Keith19837
	Pet shop (Preview) A bloke walked into the pet store and, after looking up and down the aisles, asked the sales clerk for help. 'I'd like a box of birdseed' 'For which kind of bird?' he asked helpfully. 'Oh, I dunno ... whichever will grow the fastest.'.	rockylizard	0	598	02:43 PM Aug 9, 2013 by rockylizard
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