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How To Save Qantas....
(Preview)
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good looking strippers! What the hell, they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' goi...
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Vic41
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2
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906
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Smart Answers
(Preview)
SMART ANSWER 1 It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. "What are my choices?" the man asked. "Yes or no," she replied. SMART ANSWER 2 A lady was picking through t...
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rockylizard
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0
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817
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father and son
(Preview)
Son "Hey dad guess what got my first root last night" Father "That's great son ,sit down and tell me all about it" Son "I cant me bums to sore"
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rowdy
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0
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640
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Splinters....
(Preview)
Splinters A woman who was a tree hugging greenie purchased a piece of forest in WA's South/West. There was a large tree in one of the highest parts of her forest. She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotte...
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Vic41
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0
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703
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Irish Daughter...
(Preview)
An Irish daughter had not been home for five years. Upon her return, her father screamed at her, "Where have you been all this time!? Why didn't you write!? Not even a line! Can you understand what you've put your mother through!? Why didn't you at least call?" The girl, in tears, repli...
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Vic41
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2
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922
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Father and Son Memories
(Preview)
I was reading an article about fathers and sons and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first schooner. Got him a Tooheys.........he didn't like it - I drank it. Then I got him a VB, he didn't like that either - so I drank it. It was the same with XXXX and Crownies. By the time we go...
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Hendo
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0
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677
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Jewish Bra....
(Preview)
A man walked into the women's department of Macy's in New York City.He found a saleslady, and told her, 'I would like a Jewish bra for my wife, size 34B.' With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, 'What kind of bra?' He repeated 'A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish bra, and that you w...
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Vic41
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0
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873
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I know its an oldie but a favourite when I was a kid
(Preview)
Antonio da fisherman is out in his boat drowning innocent worms. He goes below to make a coffee and finds himself standing ankle deep in water. He races back up the steps , grabs the radio and yells "mayday, mayday, mayday dis is Antonio da fisherman, I'ma sinking, somebody help me". Nothin...
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rowdy
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5
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950
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GOLF AND WHISKY.
(Preview)
An 80-year-old Scotsman went to the doctor for a check-up.The doctor was amazed at what good shape the old fellow was in and asked: "How do you stay in such great physical condition?' "I am Scottish and I am a golfer," said the old fellow: "and that is why I am in such good shape.I'm...
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sarg
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0
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878
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THE STATE WE ARE IN ??
(Preview)
New South Wales A senior citizen drove his brand new Holden Senator out of the dealership Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 120 kph, enjoying the power of the car .. Amazing, he thought as he flew down the F3, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a highway patrol c...
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sarg
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0
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713
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Working Longer For The Pension....
(Preview)
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Vic41
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0
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861
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Marry again?
(Preview)
Would You marry Again? A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question.... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married Again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like be...
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Gunsondeck
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0
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696
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It was a good deal
(Preview)
q uo poq nq s s s -- Edited by Kev-Maz on Tuesday 22nd of April 2014 07:28:52 PM
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Kev-Maz
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6
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1169
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The bill
(Preview)
A GN suffered a serious heart attack while shopping at woolworths (probably caused by the prices) The clerk called 000 and the paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in a Catholic Hospital, in the care...
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Hendo
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1
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833
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OOPS ! ! !
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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0
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760
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Golfer.....
(Preview)
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!" "Oh God no!" cri...
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Vic41
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1
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781
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Time to groan perhaps ...
(Preview)
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.What do you get when you drop a piano on an Army base? A flat MajorQ: Why did the lamp go on a diet?A: Because it wanted to get light.Q: What do a violin and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
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rockylizard
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1
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999
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Ken and Edna
(Preview)
Ken and Edna Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, And every year Ken would say, 'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter' Edna always replied, 'I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks' One year Ken and Edna went to the fair, And Ken said, 'Edna...
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Yendorane
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2
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1099
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Train Controller.....(an oldie but a goodie).
(Preview)
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You bas****s who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you bast****s who are getting on, get on now, 'cos...
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Vic41
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0
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834
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A good Lawyer
(Preview)
A lawyer defending a man in New York accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles Your Honour.His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by h...
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kiwijims
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1
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890
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