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About my Avatar
(Preview)
Hi .. This old clip is where I clipped my Avatar from. It always gives me a laugh
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Cupie
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The Blonde
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So the blonde thought she was now smart enough to feed herself, so she got dressed, walked down the street & into the local library. She walked up to the counter & announced in a loud voice, " I'll have a Big Mac, Coke & Fries thanks. " The librarian glared at her & whispered forcefully, "...
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jimfox
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A man told his doctor
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A man told his doctor he wasnt able to do all the things around the house like he used to.When the examination was complete, he said:Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.Well in plain English, the doctor replied, youre just lazy.Okay, said the man.Now give me the medical term so I can te...
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Yarra
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A toothpaste factory had a problem.
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They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering compa...
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Yarra
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3
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St. Peter's Dilemma
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On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.While waiting, they began to wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven.When St. Peter ar...
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Yarra
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948
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Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
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I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.My ...wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'.The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she...
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aussie_paul
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Got to get one of these for the front gate
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Yarra
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Ha ha, lol
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aussie_paul
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1981 and 2005 Interesting Years
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1981 & 2005 - Two Interesting Years Interesting Year 1981 1. Prince Charles got married. 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe . 3. Australia lost the Ashes. 4. The Pope died. Interesting Year 2005 1. Prince Charles got married. 2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champion...
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Wombat 280
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FAMILY TREE OF VINCENT VAN GOGH
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FAMILY TREE OF VINCENT VAN GOGH (always pronounced as Van GO) Who thinks up these things!!!!!!!!!!!! His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh The brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh The brother who...
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Yarra
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1102
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The Pearly Gates
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A Muslim dies, and by some error in his handling, ends up in heaven.He's stopped at the Pearly Gates by St Peter who says:"Sorry, but we don't allow Muslims into Heaven"."What?!!!!" replies the Muslim, "and why not?""Well, we just don't!! and that's it, also, we're short on Virgins".The Muslim comp...
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aussie_paul
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956
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A MAN SEES THINGS DIFFERENTLY THAN A WOMAN DOES
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A wife was curious when she found an old negative in a drawer and had it made into a print. She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of her at a much younger, slimmer time, taken many years ago on one of her first dates with her husband. When she showed him the photo, his face lit up. "Wo...
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aussie_paul
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939
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The Drover.
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A drover, who just moved to Queensland from Victoria,walks into a bar and orders three glasses of XXXX beer.He sits in the back of the room,drinking a sip out of each one in turn.When he finishes them,he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the drover,"You k...
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rgren2
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1012
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Telephone survey
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Telephone survey - Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:- "Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world.The survey was a comp...
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Woody2
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More Irish.. lol
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aussie_paul
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You were born a prodistent but now you are a catholic
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Woody n Sue
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Here’s what happened:
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Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room.Hes just lying there looking sick, he told me. Im serious, Dad . Can you help?I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of...
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aussie_paul
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Let's milk this one
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Woody n Sue
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Dear Dr Phil
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Dear Dr. Phil . . . When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favourite pastime fishing. I bought my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day down at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner, who...
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Woody2
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A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
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A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a ...
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aussie_paul
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