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Checking a horse prior to purchase.
(Preview)
A Dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse. "I want a female horth." He said to a dealer, who shows him a mare. "Nithe horth, Can I thee her eythe?". The dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes. ... "Nithe eyeth, Can I thee her teeth?" He lifts the dwarf up and shows him her teeth. "Nithe teeth, Can I thee her twot...
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Possum3
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2
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1125
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Ferrari pit crew
(Preview)
The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday." This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how...
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Possum3
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1
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1189
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The Will
(Preview)
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."My da...
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Yarra
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1
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1031
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Car keys
(Preview)
Car Keys They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realised he wa...
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Woody2
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1
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1144
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Lost Pen
(Preview)
.......................................................
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Possum3
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2
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1021
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British Council Flats
(Preview)
Only in Britain -Complaints to Councils Extracts from letters written by council tenants: 1. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow. 2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his f...
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Possum3
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0
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1035
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The fastest thing
(Preview)
An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an Individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would ge...
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Yarra
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0
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917
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There are some things you just don't argue with.......
(Preview)
A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home. I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu, Oysters, Lobster, Champagne...the whole nine yards. I asked her,........"Does your mother feed you like that when you eat a...
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Goldfinger
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0
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937
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Waiting at the Doctors...
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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2
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1287
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Fifi.
(Preview)
The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and sa...
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Possum3
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3
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968
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Sent by a Yankeeee mate of mine...
(Preview)
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a colonscopy in Alabama. I decided to have my next one carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful Nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating.. As I lay naked on my side on the examination table, this...
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Goldfinger
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4
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1457
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The expensive hat!
(Preview)
A 60 year old lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship. .... She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away..... A gentleman approached the lady and said ..... "Ma'am, .... I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up"..... The lady replied, ....
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Yarra
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0
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1021
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Japanese doctor on exercise
(Preview)
Love this Japanese Doctor! Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of...
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Woody n Sue
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1
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1098
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A guy goes into the confessional box after years
(Preview)
Default A guy goes into the confessional box after yearsHe pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. Theres a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various wom...
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Yarra
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1
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903
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A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.
(Preview)
Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.Son: Okay I was watching Kung Fu Panda! The robot slaps his son again.Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad. Mom: Haha, after...
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Yarra
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1
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925
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Viagra
(Preview)
A SMALL GLIMMER OF HOPE IN THE GLOOM ! 'Viagra' is now available in tea bags. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.
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Woody2
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1
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1013
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Old folks home.
(Preview)
The new manager at the old folks home was outlining the new rules........ "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." She continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rul...
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Magnarc
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0
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944
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Old fella still got it ! Lol
(Preview)
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Aus-Kiwi
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1
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1036
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What difference can one word make?
(Preview)
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Goldfinger
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0
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999
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"Fallen Angels!"
(Preview)
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove ... the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES." One of th...
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Possum3
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0
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945
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