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I was at the pub
(Preview)
"Hey Mate, your wife's on the phone, she said if you don't get out of the pub now the dog is getting your tea. " "I'd better go, " I said, "I really love that dog"
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Possum3
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0
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892
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|
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Alligator Shoes
(Preview)
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the sh...
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Yarra
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0
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896
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Aldi Doctor...
(Preview)
Aldi Doctor One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Aldi's. Just give it a urine sample and the com...
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aussie_paul
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0
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980
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Dad n Dave
(Preview)
Dad n Dave took two stuffed dogs to an antiques road show, Ooh said the presenter this is a rare set , produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated out of London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any ideas what they would fetch if they were in good condition ? Stick...
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Woody n Sue
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0
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833
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SHOCKING AIR DISASTER IN IRELAND....
(Preview)
Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night. !!!!! K.J.
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kiwijims
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0
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875
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Recent Knee Operation.....
(Preview)
You may not have heard but I have recently had to have my left knee replaced. It was all a bit sudden but I was getting quite a bit of pain. The Specialist said it was arthritis caused by old Rugby injuries and prospecting. I am still on crutches, it is a lot better and I no longer have any stiffness. The Ho...
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Goldfinger
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2
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1094
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WTSHTF (C&P)
(Preview)
You may have heard about the Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel. By Southern California standards, someone ow...
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Possum3
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2
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1030
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Sticking with the animal theme
(Preview)
How to give a cat a pill.... Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth an...
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Possum3
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1
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994
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baby rabbit
(Preview)
Mummy this carrot is pithy Not surprised son your father just pithed on it. -- Edited by dodgincamels on Monday 20th of February 2017 05:21:59 PM
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dodgincamels
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0
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787
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Penguins in a ute and a horse in a bar
(Preview)
A police officer sees a man driving around with a ute full of penguins. He pulls the guy over immediately and says: You cant drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately. The guy says OK, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the ute f...
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dodgincamels
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0
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813
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Financial Planning
(Preview)
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he ha...
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Spook
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0
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943
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|
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More Nuns
(Preview)
There were three Sisters of St Bernadette driving in outback Australia and they ran out of petrol - devastating. Sister Angelina said "There's a house over there on the hill, perhaps the farmer could lend us some petrol to get us into town". So the three hopeful Sisters walked across to the homestead a...
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Possum3
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5
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1016
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous...
(Preview)
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.After the mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.Next Sunday the new p...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1106
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|
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...should have gone to Spec Savers....no Bull!.....
(Preview)
Bull fighting could be far more dangerous than it looks....lol....Hoo Roo
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Goldfinger
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1
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1106
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|
|
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Only An Aussie Can Make You Feel Like A Woman
(Preview)
Default Only An Aussie Can Make You Feel Like A WomanA plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.One woman lost it completely.She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried...
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Yarra
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3
|
976
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Three nuns
(Preview)
Three nuns died in a terrible car accident.They go up to heaven and St. peter is waiting at the gates, he tells them that before they enter heaven they must answer the question they are faced with correctly or they will go to hell.the first nun gets asked "what was the first man called?"She replys "Adam"...
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oldbloke
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0
|
877
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|
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SUICIDE COUNSELING...
(Preview)
SUICIDE COUNSELING A DESPERATE LOOKING WOMAN STOOD POISED ON THE EDGE OF A HIGH BRIDGE, ABOUT TO JUMP OFF. AN OLD HOMELESS BLOKE WHO WAS WANDERING BY STOPPED AND SAID, "LOOK, SINCE YOU'LL BE DEAD IN A FEW MINUTES, AND IT WON'T MATTER TO YOU, HOW ABOUT A QUICKIE BEFORE YOU GO?" SHE SCREAMED, "NO! BUGGER O...
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aussie_paul
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0
|
935
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|
|
|
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Prison escapee
(Preview)
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair while tying the girl to the bed. He gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.While he's...
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rgren2
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0
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922
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|
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How to become a Greens MP.
(Preview)
A man walks into the Australian Electoral Commission and says to the receptionist,"I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be a Green M.P.The receptionist replied, "Certainly sir. Please fill in this form.''He was filling the form OK until he came to the question ''Are y...
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rgren2
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0
|
906
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|
|
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Typical Lawyer?
(Preview)
A very successful attorney parked his brand new Porsche 911 Turbo in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came barreling down the road, drifted right and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop was close enough to see the accident a...
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Possum3
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0
|
901
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