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Post Info TOPIC: Probably takes the best email prize for 2016


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Probably takes the best email prize for 2016


 
 

 

 

Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands

Hull Pair in Hospital

A furious row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session, left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment.

Vintage film fan and part time plus size model Tracey Munter (23), had visited the Black Ink Tattoo Emporium in Carr Lane last week to have the finishing touches applied to a double buttock representation of the chariot race scene from the iconic 1959 film, Ben Hur. Tattooist Jason Burns takes up the story.

It was a  big job in more ways than one. he told us Id just lit a roll up and was finishing off a centurions helmet. Its delicate, close up work. Next thing is, I sense a slight ripple in her buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Hestons whip, and a hissing sound more of a whoosh than a rasp and before I know whats happening, theres a flame shooting from her arse up to my roll-up and my beards gone up like an Aussie bush fire.

Jason says he rushed to the studio sink to quell the flames, only to turn round and see Tracey frantically fanning her buttock area with a damp towel. The flames had travelled down the gas cloud and set fire to her thong which was smoking like a cheap firework.

To be honest, said Jason, I didnt even realise she was wearing one. Youd need a sodding mining licence  and a torch to find out for sure. She could have had a complete wardrobe  in there and Id have been none the wiser.

Jason and Tracey were taken to Hull Royal Infirmary A&E where they were treated for minor burns and shock. Both are adamant that the other is to blame.

Im furious said Jason, Ive got a face like a mange-ridden dog and my left eyebrow's not there any more. I dont know about Ben Hur Gone With The Winds more like it. You dont just let rip in someones face like that. Its dangerous.

But Tracey remains both angry and unrepentant;

Im still in agony, she said, And Charlton Heston looks more like Sidney bloody Poitier now. Jason shouldnt have  had a fag on the go, and theres  no way Id  guff on purpose. Hed had me up on his bench on all fours for nearly an hour. I can only put up with that for so long before nature takes its course. My Kev knows that. I give him my five second warning and Id have done the same for Jason, but I didnt get chance it just crept out.

Ted Walters from the Humberside Fire and Rescue service wasnt surprised when we told him what had happened People just dont appreciate the dangers.... he told us, We get called out to more flatulence ignition incidents than kitchen fires these days, now people have moved over to oven chips. We have a slogan Flame n fart keep em apart. Anyone engaging in an arse inking scenario would do well to bear that in mind in future.

 Aussie Paul.smile

 

 

 

 



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