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Self Defence Advice
(Preview)
Its a woody special Moorey
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Moorey
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4
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1205
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The wrong record....
(Preview)
The worlds leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop. He asks the assistant, Do you have European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.Certainly, replies the assistant. Would you like to listen before you buy it?That would be wonderful, says the expert,...
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aussie_paul
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2
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957
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Exercise
(Preview)
Walking can add minutes to your life.This enables you at 85 years oldto spend an additional 5 months in a nursinghome at $8,000 per month.My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell he is.I like long walks, especially when they are take...
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Yarra
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1
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910
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Very Disturbing
(Preview)
This is what all of you 70+ year old's have to look forward to: This is something that happened in an Aged Care Centre. The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central Cafeteria. One morning, one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my friend went upstairs an...
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LLD
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1
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886
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Haven't drank coke for six months
(Preview)
Today marks 6 months without drinking a drop of coca cola, or any kinds of soda or alcohol! 6 months without eating bread, cake or anything sweet. The change in my body has been fantastic, I feel great, I lost weight and my way of thinking is very positive... I'm looking to keep this up and go for more. Beca...
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Woody n Sue
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2
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1129
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Phoned my wife......
(Preview)
I phoned my wife earlier. "I'm just setting off from work, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?" It was met with a stony silence. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
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rockylizard
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1
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1065
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Where are you
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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1
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960
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The sat nav
(Preview)
I picked this up today. So true. The Satnav A poem by Pam Ayres I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my carA Satnav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are. I have a little Satnav, i've had it all my lifeIt's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.It gives me full instructions, especi...
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oldbloke
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0
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920
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Another two golfers.
(Preview)
These two guys were playing a round of golf, and they were going fine when they were held up by two women on the green ahead. These two women were half playing & half standing there just talking. They were as slow as a wet week. One of the guys said to the other, "Why don't you go up there & ask them if w...
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Baggie
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0
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850
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New Math
(Preview)
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you tw...
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Yarra
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2
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930
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New Golfer
(Preview)
George was not having a good day on the golf course. After he missed a 12-inch putt, his partner asked him what his problem was.Its the wife, George said. As you know, shes taken up golf, and since shes been playing, shes cut our sex down to once a week. Well, you should think yourself lucky, his partner r...
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Yarra
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1
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929
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THE AISLE SEAT
(Preview)
Two Islamic fundamentalists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.Just before take-off, a Royal Marine sat down in the aisle seat.After take-off the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the wi...
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aussie_paul
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0
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1003
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Penguin
(Preview)
A Penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman if he has seen his brother, "Dunno", says the barman, "Whats he look like?" -- Edited by Magnarc on Wednesday 23rd of November 2016 04:05:55 PM
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Magnarc
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0
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991
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USA Election Aftermath
(Preview)
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Moorey
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1
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1190
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Alcoholic Nun
(Preview)
Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary Katherine and she said, "Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy." "Sister Mary Katherine, " exclaimed Jack, "I could never do that! I've never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!" "Oh Jack, " she...
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Yarra
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0
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910
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Farmhouse
(Preview)
A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees. He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land. The landowner assured him that the bees were...
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Yarra
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0
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857
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Redhead joke not blonde
(Preview)
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out...
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Woody2
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0
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901
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Men, some times don't get it
(Preview)
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked or $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. Her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and...
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Woody2
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0
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899
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Maturity
(Preview)
As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore. .. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. .. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat. .. A rabbit runs and hops and only l...
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Woody2
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0
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833
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Vegetarian
(Preview)
Vegetarian is an old Indian word for " poor hunter" .
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dazz49
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1
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897
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