|
THE CLOCK!
(Preview)
A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks for?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move."... "...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1108
|
|
|
|
|
g gays
(Preview)
|
Craig1
|
0
|
970
|
|
|
|
|
Weel, this made me laugh...a tad off colour....
(Preview)
Traffic Cop, entrapment.......her case would surely 'hold up' in Court....Hoo Roo
|
Goldfinger
|
0
|
885
|
|
|
|
|
Confused drunk.
(Preview)
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1010
|
|
|
|
|
The Chinese doctor.
(Preview)
This fellow has sharp pains in his backside, after visiting numerous Doctors the situation is not getting better. He talks to his mate about it who suggests that the Chinese doctor in the High St has been known to cure many things that others have failed to do. He takes himself off to the Chinese doc and e...
|
Magnarc
|
7
|
1173
|
|
|
|
|
Checking a horse prior to purchase.
(Preview)
A Dwarf with a lisp goes to buy a horse. "I want a female horth." He said to a dealer, who shows him a mare. "Nithe horth, Can I thee her eythe?". The dealer picks him up and shows him its eyes. ... "Nithe eyeth, Can I thee her teeth?" He lifts the dwarf up and shows him her teeth. "Nithe teeth, Can I thee her twot...
|
Possum3
|
2
|
1111
|
|
|
|
|
Ferrari pit crew
(Preview)
The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday." This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1186
|
|
|
|
|
The Will
(Preview)
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."My da...
|
Yarra
|
1
|
1027
|
|
|
|
|
Car keys
(Preview)
Car Keys They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realised he wa...
|
Woody2
|
1
|
1139
|
|
|
|
|
Lost Pen
(Preview)
.......................................................
|
Possum3
|
2
|
1015
|
|
|
|
|
British Council Flats
(Preview)
Only in Britain -Complaints to Councils Extracts from letters written by council tenants: 1. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow. 2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his f...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
1029
|
|
|
|
|
The fastest thing
(Preview)
An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an Individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would ge...
|
Yarra
|
0
|
912
|
|
|
|
|
There are some things you just don't argue with.......
(Preview)
A while back, I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home. I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu, Oysters, Lobster, Champagne...the whole nine yards. I asked her,........"Does your mother feed you like that when you eat a...
|
Goldfinger
|
0
|
933
|
|
|
|
|
Waiting at the Doctors...
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
2
|
1282
|
|
|
|
|
Fifi.
(Preview)
The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?" The French woman sniffed and sa...
|
Possum3
|
3
|
964
|
|
|
|
|
Sent by a Yankeeee mate of mine...
(Preview)
After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a colonscopy in Alabama. I decided to have my next one carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful Nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating.. As I lay naked on my side on the examination table, this...
|
Goldfinger
|
4
|
1446
|
|
|
|
|
The expensive hat!
(Preview)
A 60 year old lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship. .... She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away..... A gentleman approached the lady and said ..... "Ma'am, .... I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up"..... The lady replied, ....
|
Yarra
|
0
|
1017
|
|
|
|
|
Japanese doctor on exercise
(Preview)
Love this Japanese Doctor! Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of...
|
Woody n Sue
|
1
|
1093
|
|
|
|
|
A guy goes into the confessional box after years
(Preview)
Default A guy goes into the confessional box after yearsHe pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. Theres a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various wom...
|
Yarra
|
1
|
898
|
|
|
|
|
A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.
(Preview)
Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.Son: Okay I was watching Kung Fu Panda! The robot slaps his son again.Son: Okay I was watching violent movies!Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad. Mom: Haha, after...
|
Yarra
|
1
|
921
|
|
|
