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Too late.
(Preview)
As the coffin of a Parking Officer was being lowered into the grave, a voice from inside the coffin screams, Im not dead! Im not dead! Let me out. Let me out. The Vicar smiles, leans forward and, sucking air through his teeth, mutters, Too late, mate. Ive already done the paperwork.
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Possum3
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0
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706
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Sorry
(Preview)
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it...
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Young Simmo
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1
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921
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Ya Gotta love the Irish
(Preview)
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as...
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Young Simmo
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1
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831
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Racism..
(Preview)
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Guinness?" The shop assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something, If I had asked for Italian saus...
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aussie_paul
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1
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891
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A man brings his best buddy home for dinner
(Preview)
A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in."My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done,I'm still in my pyjamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight....
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aussie_paul
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0
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961
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incorrect statements
(Preview)
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kiwijims
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0
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965
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little girl with a dirty mind
(Preview)
Ten Times Normal Size The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class,"Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going t...
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kiwijims
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0
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849
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Preggers
(Preview)
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Yarra
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0
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774
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Jet Fuel
(Preview)
Shane and Phil were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft engineers in Melbourne, Australia. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Phil said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!' Shane says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you c...
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Hendo
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0
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813
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Why not ! ? !
(Preview)
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rockylizard
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0
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840
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Lifesavers.
(Preview)
A teacher gives the class some "life savers", the candy with the hole. The children identify the flavors by their colours Red is Cherry Yellow is Lemon Green is Lime Orange is Orange Finally the teacher gave them all honey lifesavers. None of the kids could identify the taste. The teacher...
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Baggie
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1
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847
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She will soon
(Preview)
I thought this was worth posting
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Possum3
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2
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1022
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Farm Life
(Preview)
A little boy comes down to breakfast.Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.Not yet," said the little boy.His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.Well, he's a little teed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.He goes to feed the...
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Yarra
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0
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1101
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Winners are Grinners.
(Preview)
Working people frequently ask us, as a retired couple, what we do to make our days interesting. Well, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about five minutes. When we came out, there was a policeman writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and sa...
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Young Simmo
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1
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1182
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|
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Some how not funny ..
(Preview)
Since I'm getting it it isn't .. But ahh !
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Aus-Kiwi
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1
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813
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Not new but, worth a repeat
(Preview)
Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seeme...
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Young Simmo
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0
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909
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Not the sharpest pencil in the box
(Preview)
So this retired guy sits around the house all day wife says, You could do something useful, like vacuum the house once a week. Guy gives it a moments thought and says, Sure why not show me to the vacuum. Half an hour later, the guy comes into the kitchen to get some coffee. Wife says, I did not hear the vacuum...
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Yarra
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1
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1190
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billy connolly's view on Muslims
(Preview)
https://vimeo.com/24341019 Warning, this may be too extreme for this forum, but I bet you laughed!!!!!! -- Edited by Lesley F on Sunday 22nd of November 2015 01:29:37 PM
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Lesley F
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2
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1189
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leg warm up exercise
(Preview)
Not really a joke....but it might be to some if you are probably warming up for exercise Link below https://youtu.be/jZ572yLH9sc
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Vince
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3
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919
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Dear Jaclyn & Heidi (G N M Times)
(Preview)
Dear Jaclyn I am shortly to become engaged to a wonderful man. My psychiatrist tells me that an open, honest relationship is the foundation of a happy marriage. But there are a few things about my family that are difficult to raise in conversation. For instance, my father is a drug dealer and touches u...
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dishlicker
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0
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762
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