|
Antiques Roadshow
(Preview)
Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow. Presenter: "Wow!! This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?" "Sticks!" says Paddy...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
1117
|
|
|
|
|
Anniversary
(Preview)
For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles; there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the ref...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
1022
|
|
|
|
|
Dog Tail
(Preview)
A guy was cutting the tail off his dog. His neighbour asked "What the heck are you doing?" "My mother-in-law is coming to visit and I don't want any sign of welcome" He replied.
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
1025
|
|
|
|
|
The Bear
(Preview)
Bob, a hunter, went on camping trip with his wife, kids, and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the forest, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. Bob picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look f...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
926
|
|
|
|
|
Star Wars Chinese
(Preview)
Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skilfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master. Poor old Luke is...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
964
|
|
|
|
|
Bumper Sticker
(Preview)
The other day I went up to a Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker". I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper. I was stopped a...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
1862
|
|
|
|
|
Speak
(Preview)
A lady to doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?" Doctor: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake!"
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
932
|
|
|
|
|
12 Children
(Preview)
A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home. When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home. He could no...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
885
|
|
|
|
|
Alcohol Taster
(Preview)
In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said "It's...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
886
|
|
|
|
|
Not another Irish joke
(Preview)
Paddy was walking along the street in Belfast, when he sees a bomb. He takes a closer look and sees it is in fact a sandwich bomb. He decides to ring the army to report it. He says I have found a sandwich bomb just laying on the street"The chap on the other end asks "Is it ticking" to which Paddy replies "no, im...
|
drtooheys
|
0
|
953
|
|
|
|
|
Perfect
(Preview)
Joe rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Joe smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips o...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
984
|
|
|
|
|
The Duck
(Preview)
A duck walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender. The bartender says, What can I get you? Duck: Umm. Do you have any grapes? Bartender (looking surprised and finding the question odd): No, I'm afraid we don't. And the duck waddles slowly out of the bar. The next day at the same time, the duck wadd...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1180
|
|
|
|
|
How do you feel?
(Preview)
Two elderly men from a retirement centre were sitting on a park bench, when one turns to the other and says : Ben, Im 83-years-old now and Im just full of aches and pain. I know youre about my age, how do you feel? I feel just like a newborn baby, Ben says. Really! Like a newborn baby? Yes, Ben says. No hair,...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
991
|
|
|
|
|
Walker for crippled fisherman .,
(Preview)
When you thought you have seen everything !!
|
Aus-Kiwi
|
1
|
1082
|
|
|
|
|
Dinner
(Preview)
Last night I was relaxing on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen: "Oh sweetheart, what would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?" I said, "Thank you, darling. I think I'll have chicken." She replied, "You're havin' a peanut butter sandwich. I was talkin' t...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1100
|
|
|
|
|
My name is ......
(Preview)
There once was Gary who was raising three daughters on his own. Gary was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first ti...
|
Possum3
|
2
|
1217
|
|
|
|
|
Shipwreck
(Preview)
A Scotsman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening t...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1068
|
|
|
|
|
FINALLY, A GOOD TRUMP JOKE THAT ALL WILL ENJOY
(Preview)
Donald is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him asi...
|
aussie_paul
|
2
|
1178
|
|
|
|
|
Bear and the Rabbit.
(Preview)
A bear was going to the toilet in the woods one day when all of a sudden a rabbit hopped up beside him and said "Hi bear, what's happening?" The bear said "not much really............tell me rabbit, do you have any problem with sh!t sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replied "nope" So the bear picked him u...
|
drtooheys
|
2
|
1106
|
|
|
|
|
Kidnapping
(Preview)
Three masked men burst into parliament and kidnapped 20 politicians. Later, police received a ransom note. The kidnappers were demanding $1million and a plane to allow them to flee the country. The note added if the demands were not met, the kidnappers would release one politician each hour.
|
rockylizard
|
0
|
1006
|
|
|
