I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous, and having been married for 7 years and having 7children, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are useless.
When first married, we were told to use the rhythm method. Despite tryingto dance the quickstep whilst making love, my wife still fell pregnant,and I ruptured myself doing the cha-cha. Where the hell would you hire a band at 5 a.m. anyway?
Someone suggested to my wife that if she jumped up and down after intercourse, this would prevent pregnancy. Well, my wife is rather large in the breast department, and after jumping up and downfor 20 minutes she ended up with two black eyes, and eventually knocked herself unconscious.
I then asked a chemist about using a condom. The chemist demonstrated tome how easy it was to use, so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnantagain, which doesnt totally surprise me, as I fail to see how a Durexstretched over a banana as the chemist demonstrated can possiblyprevent pregnancies.
My wife was then supplied with the coil. After several unsuccessfulattempts to fit it, we discovered it had a left hand thread and mywife is right handed.
We tried the pill. Being so tiny, we found it kept falling out afterinsertion. A mate of mine down the pub said if I put it in my shoe, itwould make me limp. Again, this was unsuccessful.
The Dutch Cap came next. We were very hopeful of this as it didntinterfere with our sex life. But alas, it did give my wife severeheadaches. We were given the largest size available, but it was much too tight across her forehead.
You must appreciate our problem. If the sterilisation operation is in anywayunsuccessful, I presume we will have to resort to Oral sex. Though, for the lifeof me I cant understand how talking about it can ever be a substitute for the realthing.
Yours Sincerely,
Paddy OCasey
-- Edited by aussie_paul on Friday 22nd of December 2017 11:00:26 AM
-- Edited by aussie_paul on Friday 22nd of December 2017 11:01:02 AM