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Where are you
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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1
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845
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Phoned my wife......
(Preview)
I phoned my wife earlier. "I'm just setting off from work, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?" It was met with a stony silence. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
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rockylizard
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1
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930
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The sat nav
(Preview)
I picked this up today. So true. The Satnav A poem by Pam Ayres I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my carA Satnav is a driver's friend it tells you where you are. I have a little Satnav, i've had it all my lifeIt's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.It gives me full instructions, especi...
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oldbloke
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0
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788
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Another two golfers.
(Preview)
These two guys were playing a round of golf, and they were going fine when they were held up by two women on the green ahead. These two women were half playing & half standing there just talking. They were as slow as a wet week. One of the guys said to the other, "Why don't you go up there & ask them if w...
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Baggie
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0
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707
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New Golfer
(Preview)
George was not having a good day on the golf course. After he missed a 12-inch putt, his partner asked him what his problem was.Its the wife, George said. As you know, shes taken up golf, and since shes been playing, shes cut our sex down to once a week. Well, you should think yourself lucky, his partner r...
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Yarra
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1
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816
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New Math
(Preview)
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"Johnny: "Seven."Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you tw...
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Yarra
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2
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829
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THE AISLE SEAT
(Preview)
Two Islamic fundamentalists boarded a flight out of London . One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.Just before take-off, a Royal Marine sat down in the aisle seat.After take-off the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the wi...
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aussie_paul
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0
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909
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Penguin
(Preview)
A Penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman if he has seen his brother, "Dunno", says the barman, "Whats he look like?" -- Edited by Magnarc on Wednesday 23rd of November 2016 04:05:55 PM
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Magnarc
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0
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893
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USA Election Aftermath
(Preview)
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Moorey
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1
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1100
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Alcoholic Nun
(Preview)
Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary Katherine and she said, "Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy." "Sister Mary Katherine, " exclaimed Jack, "I could never do that! I've never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!" "Oh Jack, " she...
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Yarra
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0
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826
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Farmhouse
(Preview)
A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees. He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land. The landowner assured him that the bees were...
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Yarra
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0
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774
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Redhead joke not blonde
(Preview)
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out...
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Woody2
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0
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818
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Men, some times don't get it
(Preview)
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked or $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. Her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and...
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Woody2
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0
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811
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Maturity
(Preview)
As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's ass anymore. .. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. .. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat. .. A rabbit runs and hops and only l...
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Woody2
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0
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746
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Vegetarian
(Preview)
Vegetarian is an old Indian word for " poor hunter" .
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dazz49
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1
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783
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Italian Bread
(Preview)
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.The 87 year old said; "Well, I eat Italian b...
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Yarra
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1
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862
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ARE YOU A VET ?
(Preview)
BE SURE TO READ TO THE VERY END.A German tourist jumped in the freezing water and saved My precious little dog. Upon getting back on the pier, he checked out my puppy and told me, "Ze dog is ok. He vill be fine." Due to his selfless heroic act, I asked, "Are you a vet?" He replied, "Vet ? I'm fuken soa...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1046
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Old
(Preview)
1. "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both 2. !" OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.... 3. "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the g...
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Possum3
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0
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771
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Great Sex
(Preview)
The Italian man said, "Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for a five full minutes at the end." The Frenchman boasted, "Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionat...
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Yarra
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2
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1015
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First Pint
(Preview)
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took my son out for his first pint in Dublin. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from our house. I got him a Guinness. He didnt like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Kilkenny he didnt like that eith...
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Yarra
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5
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937
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