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Is immediately soon enough?
(Preview)
Going to bed the other night I noticed there were a couple of young guys stealing stuff from my shed. I immediately rang "000" and was told there were no Police available right now, but they would come when some came back from jobs they were currently attending to. I hung up, about a minute later I rang the...
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Possum3
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1
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846
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|
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Irish Flight
(Preview)
Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our cater...
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fwdoz
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1
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818
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|
|
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Honda
(Preview)
A guy says "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fart, it sounds like 'Honda'". The doctor says "You say, 'Honda?'" "No" the guy says. "My farts do". So, the doctor says "Okay, open your mouth" and looks inside. After about two minutes, the doctor says "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a denti...
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fwdoz
|
0
|
999
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|
|
|
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Concert ?
(Preview)
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Aus-Kiwi
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1
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867
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|
|
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Where?
(Preview)
A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, Where is the rake? She can't hear him and shouts back, What? The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and...
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Possum3
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1
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1001
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|
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Right answer
(Preview)
A husband crawls back home drunk on night. Next day he wakes up with a hangover and sees that the whole house is clean and his shirts are laundered and there is a breakfast already prepared. So he asks his son: Hey Billy, what is up, why is your mother so nice to me considering my condition last night? Bi...
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Possum3
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0
|
818
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|
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Just a few giggles
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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4
|
1184
|
|
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Facts of Life
(Preview)
Facts of Life Sorry attachment won`t work -- Edited by Phillipn on Wednesday 4th of April 2018 07:04:17 AM -- Edited by Phillipn on Wednesday 4th of April 2018 07:05:35 AM -- Edited by Phillipn on Wednesday 4th of April 2018 06:57:39 PM
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Phillipn
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4
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1115
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|
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115 pounds..
(Preview)
A wife was having coffee with a friend of hers when she confided to her, Our marriage has never been that great, but this year has been the absolute worst between my husband and I. Harry often yells at me, criticizes me, puts me down, plus he never helps out with anything around the house, and I keep getti...
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aussie_paul
|
0
|
831
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|
|
|
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Which One?
(Preview)
A man comes home from work and sees his wife on the bed with another man. He takes his gun and says to the other man: If you want my wife come take her from me like a man. I challenge you to a duel The other man accepts his challenge, they go to the other room and close the door. The husband tells the other man; Act...
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Possum3
|
1
|
965
|
|
|
|
|
How do you want to go
(Preview)
|
Woody n Sue
|
0
|
946
|
|
|
|
|
Martin had just received his brand new driver license....
(Preview)
Martin had just received his brand new driver license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.Ill bet youre back there to get a change of sce...
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aussie_paul
|
1
|
885
|
|
|
|
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Crashed the Harley
(Preview)
While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?" As I looked up, I notice...
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sandman55
|
1
|
959
|
|
|
|
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Six old retired guys sat playing poker .........
(Preview)
Six old retired guys sat playing poker at Gerry's house one night when Rocco loses $600 in a single hand. At the shock of this he clutches his chest and drops dead from a heart attack. Tony says "Who's going to tell his wife." None of them want this horrible job so they cut the pack and the lowest card loses...
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Gaylehere
|
0
|
1028
|
|
|
|
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'How long before I can get a haircut ?'
(Preview)
A Guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut ? The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut ?' The barber looked arou...
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Paintar
|
0
|
881
|
|
|
|
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A university English creative writing class...
(Preview)
A university English creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following elements:1. Religion2. Royalty3. Physical Disability4. Racism5. HomosexualityThe prize-winner wrote:'My God,' cried the Queen, 'That one-legg...
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
1025
|
|
|
|
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A husband desperate to end an argument...
(Preview)
A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy his wife a new car. She curtly declines his offer by saying, Thats not quite what I had in mind. Frantically he offers her a new house. Again, she rejects his offer, Thats not quite what I had in mind.Curious, he asks: What did you have in mind?She retor...
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aussie_paul
|
3
|
1054
|
|
|
|
|
lol...
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
888
|
|
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Short Jokes
(Preview)
-A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200. -What's the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus. -There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that's...
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fwdoz
|
1
|
1407
|
|
|
|
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Chicken
(Preview)
A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there's nothing special... we just flat out tell' em they're gonna die...
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fwdoz
|
0
|
817
|
|
|
