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The Duck
(Preview)
A duck walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender. The bartender says, What can I get you? Duck: Umm. Do you have any grapes? Bartender (looking surprised and finding the question odd): No, I'm afraid we don't. And the duck waddles slowly out of the bar. The next day at the same time, the duck wadd...
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Possum3
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1
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1006
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How do you feel?
(Preview)
Two elderly men from a retirement centre were sitting on a park bench, when one turns to the other and says : Ben, Im 83-years-old now and Im just full of aches and pain. I know youre about my age, how do you feel? I feel just like a newborn baby, Ben says. Really! Like a newborn baby? Yes, Ben says. No hair,...
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Possum3
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1
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836
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Walker for crippled fisherman .,
(Preview)
When you thought you have seen everything !!
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Aus-Kiwi
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1
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962
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Dinner
(Preview)
Last night I was relaxing on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen: "Oh sweetheart, what would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?" I said, "Thank you, darling. I think I'll have chicken." She replied, "You're havin' a peanut butter sandwich. I was talkin' t...
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Possum3
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1
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926
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My name is ......
(Preview)
There once was Gary who was raising three daughters on his own. Gary was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first ti...
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Possum3
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2
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1074
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Shipwreck
(Preview)
A Scotsman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening t...
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Possum3
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1
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930
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FINALLY, A GOOD TRUMP JOKE THAT ALL WILL ENJOY
(Preview)
Donald is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him asi...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1047
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Bear and the Rabbit.
(Preview)
A bear was going to the toilet in the woods one day when all of a sudden a rabbit hopped up beside him and said "Hi bear, what's happening?" The bear said "not much really............tell me rabbit, do you have any problem with sh!t sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replied "nope" So the bear picked him u...
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drtooheys
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2
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979
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Kidnapping
(Preview)
Three masked men burst into parliament and kidnapped 20 politicians. Later, police received a ransom note. The kidnappers were demanding $1million and a plane to allow them to flee the country. The note added if the demands were not met, the kidnappers would release one politician each hour.
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rockylizard
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0
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865
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Plain logic
(Preview)
John joins a competition and wins. A book is given as a gift to him. The title of the book is Plain Logic. John asks about the gift; What does this book say? -You will learn when you read it I dont want to read right now, just tell me. All right. Now look; Is there an aquarium in your house? -Yes there is -And the...
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Possum3
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0
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793
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Doctors Appointment
(Preview)
A woman who has a doctors appointment with Dr. Wong, arrives at the surgery and is called in by the awaiting Doctor. He says to the woman "What seems to be the problem?" She replies, "Well doctor, I have a major problem staying in a relationship and I can't understand why." The doctor says remove all your...
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drtooheys
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1
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848
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The medical exam
(Preview)
During the medical examination of a female patient the doctor says "your heart, lungs,pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that gets ladies into all kinds of trouble."The lady starts to take off her nickers but is stopped by the doctor,"No, no.....I meant for you to stick out y...
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oldbloke
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2
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1311
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The Inn
(Preview)
A homeless guy is traveling down a country lane, tired and hungry he comes across a Pub called the "George and the Dragon." Although it's late and the Pub is closed he knocks on the door. The innkeeper's wife sticks her head out of a window. "Could I have some food?" he asks. The woman glances at his shabb...
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RustyD
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1
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933
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Ineptocracy
(Preview)
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RustyD
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1
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886
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On Line Dating
(Preview)
A man was feeling lonely, so after much contemplation, he posted an ad on a popular website. The ad said, simply: Wife wanted. He was surprised the next morning to find he had over a hundred replies in his inbox. Unfortunately, they all said the same thing: You can have mine.
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Possum3
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3
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1220
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Tragedy
(Preview)
Donald visits an elementary school one day. In one of the classes, students are in the middle of a discussion about words and their meanings. The teacher asks Donald if hed like to lead the discussion of the word tragedy. He agrees to do so and asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy Ron s...
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Possum3
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3
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925
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Nursing Home
(Preview)
A son was placing his father into a nursing home. Please don't put me in there son! cried the old man. The son said, Pop, I can't take care of you and work too. I've checked the place out and it is the best one there is. I think you'll love it The next day the father called his son and said, Son, you were right!...
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Possum3
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0
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888
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On the farm
(Preview)
Farmer Christopher was in pub drinking beer and looking all depressed. His friend Ferdinand asked him why he was looking depressed. Christopher answered; Some things you just cant explain. This morning I was in barn and milking the cow. As soon as the pail was full the cow kicked it down with his right...
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Possum3
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1
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922
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Think about it......
(Preview)
Gday... Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One says to the other, "Can you smell fish?"
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rockylizard
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4
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943
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One more beer
(Preview)
A Praying Mantis was drinking at a bar with his mates. It was already two hours after he told his wife he would be home. He said "I might just have one more beer çoz when I get home she's just gunna bite my head off anyway".
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Possum3
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0
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769
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