|
Me behave? Seriously?
(Preview)
|
aussie_paul
|
0
|
723
|
|
|
|
|
Oldie but goodie.....Aboriginal Tracker Somewhere between Karratha and Onslow
(Preview)
An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian Aborigine to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea. The Americans were incredulous. Later in the day, the tour rounded a bend o...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
768
|
|
|
|
|
The Duck
(Preview)
|
LLD
|
0
|
764
|
|
|
|
|
How?
(Preview)
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldnt do it while he waited, so he said he didnt live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of ch...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
915
|
|
|
|
|
Talking Dog
(Preview)
A man sees a sign outside a house: 'TALKING DOG FOR SALE' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there. "Do you really talk?" he asks the dog. "Yes!" The Labrador replies. After recov...
|
fwdoz
|
2
|
945
|
|
|
|
|
The Rabbi and the ATO
(Preview)
The ATO send an auditor to a synagogue.The auditor is doing all the checks and then turns to the Rabbi, and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.""Yes," answered the Rabbi."Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked."A good question," noted the Rabbi."We actually save t...
|
rgren2
|
3
|
909
|
|
|
|
|
Quick thinking
(Preview)
To surprise her husband, an executives wife stopped by his office.When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.Without hesitating, he dictatedAnd in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cutsI cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.O...
|
Woody n Sue
|
2
|
1002
|
|
|
|
|
Where is God?
(Preview)
A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit's end as to w...
|
fwdoz
|
1
|
817
|
|
|
|
|
At the wedding
(Preview)
At a wedding party recently someone yelled "All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living". The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
697
|
|
|
|
|
Easy $800
(Preview)
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, Ill give you $800 to drop that towel. A...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
857
|
|
|
|
|
Met the wife.
(Preview)
A traveller pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait, and then disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his a...
|
Possum3
|
2
|
1031
|
|
|
|
|
Lost in the mountains
(Preview)
A journalist goes to a poor remote village for a documentary.He saw an old man and asked him to narrate a typical happy story of his village.The old man smiled and began: "One day, a long time ago, my goat got lost in the mountains. As is our tradition, all the men of the village gathered to drink vodka firs...
|
rgren2
|
2
|
909
|
|
|
|
|
That's why.
(Preview)
A herd of Buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest Buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This is natural selection and good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular...
|
Possum3
|
3
|
858
|
|
|
|
|
Can't win.
(Preview)
It had been snowing all night. So:8:00 am I made a snowman.8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.8:15 So, I made a snow woman.8:17 My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuouschest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.8:20 The gay couple l...
|
rgren2
|
7
|
1094
|
|
|
|
|
Blonde.
(Preview)
A blonde was sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening she went home and memorised all the state capitals to prove she was smart. Back in the office the next day, a male co-worker started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement. Ive had it up to here with these...
|
Possum3
|
3
|
929
|
|
|
|
|
Obsessive?
(Preview)
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. You all have obsessions, he observed. To the first mother, he said, You are obsessed with eating.Youve even named your daughter Candy. He turned to the second mom. Your obsession is money. Youv...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1124
|
|
|
|
|
Golf
(Preview)
Two men are playing golf and a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. One of the golfers was about to take a swing, when he noticed the procession. He took off his hat and placed his hand over his heart and bowed his head until the funeral had passed. His opponent was taken aback and said...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
905
|
|
|
|
|
Sick - Dad jokes
(Preview)
Copy & paste from MSN.1. Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies. 2. How does a squid go into battle? Well-armed. 3. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? I dont know, but their flag is a huge plus. 4. Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it. 5. Why arent koal...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
1024
|
|
|
|
|
How many did you get right
(Preview)
|
Woody n Sue
|
4
|
983
|
|
|
|
|
Tight one
(Preview)
An old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she d...
|
Paintar
|
2
|
998
|
|
|
