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The Next Best Thing
(Preview)
Three old men were sitting around and talking. The 80-year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. ... I stand there for 20 minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again." The 85-year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me i...
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Paintar
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0
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983
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Who.
(Preview)
One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. He ign...
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Possum3
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0
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930
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The Preacher
(Preview)
There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldnt swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, Do you need help, sir? The preacher calmly said No, God will save me. A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, Hey, do you need help? The preacher replied again, No God will save me. Eve...
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Possum3
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0
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792
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What for dinner
(Preview)
Bob called home one afternoon to see what his wife was making for dinner. "Hello?" said the maid. "Hi, it's me," said Bob. "Is madam near the phone?"... "No, Sir. She's upstairs in the bedroom with your friend Frank." After a brief pause, Bob said, "But I don't have a friend named Frank!" "Yes you do. He'...
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Paintar
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0
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893
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50 from Faceboook
(Preview)
Whats orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. 2 What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey I bought the worlds worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, its terrible. Rndomguytf 4 This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder. WikiWantsYourPics 5 My friend asked me...
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Possum3
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2
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994
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"Are you a real pilot?"
(Preview)
An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked,Are you a real pilot? He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Ste...
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aussie_paul
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1
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966
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Tough ex Marine schoolteacher
(Preview)
A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher. Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he fo...
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Possum3
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7
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1241
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Escapee
(Preview)
A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her n...
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Possum3
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1
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1045
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Always calm
(Preview)
Honey, Im so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often, the wife said. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods? Well, said the husband, looking up from his newspaper, I always go and clean the toilet when that happens. And that helps? she asked, surprised. Yes, he said. Because Im using you...
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Possum3
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1
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955
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Tattoo
(Preview)
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Phillipn
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4
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1234
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Honeymoon
(Preview)
On the first night of their honeymoon, a husband isnt sure how to tell his new wife about his smelly feet and stinky socks. Meanwhile, the wife is wondering how to break the news about her awful breath, which shes so far managed to hide. After some soul-searching and confidence building, the husband fi...
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Possum3
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1
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1100
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Sex with Ghosts
(Preview)
A professor at Wayne State University in Detriot was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many peole here belive in ghosts?" About 90 stidents raise their hands. "Well, that`s a good start. Out of those who beleve in ghosts, do any of you think you have see...
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Phillipn
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1
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962
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Where?
(Preview)
A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch. "Head on bo...
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Possum3
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1
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940
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High School reunion.
(Preview)
Husband takes the wife to her high school reunion.After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance.There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon w...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1080
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WHEN ITS HOT AND HUMID IN NQ.....
(Preview)
When its hot and humid in NQ, where I live I get religious... I worship the 4 As...I didn.t know you were religious, Bill, they say....When asked what the 4 As are I say Alcohol, Armchairs, Austar, and Airconditioning.......I also go down to sth NSW for the summer. -- Edited by bill12 on Friday 5th of Jan...
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bill12
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0
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849
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Safe Sex
(Preview)
Condoms don`t guarantee safe sex anymore. A bloke was wearing one when he was shot by the woman`s husbane.
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Phillipn
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0
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1067
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The view ? Lol
(Preview)
-- Edited by Aus-Kiwi on Tuesday 2nd of January 2018 09:55:37 PM
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Aus-Kiwi
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2
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1173
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I Dare You
(Preview)
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Phillipn
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1
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927
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HOW MUCH PAINT.
(Preview)
Sven and Ollie live in the same apartment building in identical flats. Sven visits Ollie and sees that he just painted his flat and it looks great. He says, Ollie, this looks amazing. How many cans of paint did you buy? Ollie says he bought seven. .. The next day Sven drives to the store, buys seven cans of...
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Possum3
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0
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906
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The ATM balance
(Preview)
I was at the ATM this morning waiting to get some Bitcoin out (yes there are Bitcoin ATM's in Australia and you can withdraw cash), anyway this little old lady was in front of me, she was taking absolutely ages so I asked her if she needed any help...... oh yes please she said, could you please check my bal...
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Des and Jane
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2
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1008
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