|
Beautiful Music
(Preview)
Three woman die and there souls are whisked away to meet St Peter at the Pearly Gates. The first woman is greeted by St Peter and he asks her what she did during her life on earth. She answers, well I was a doctor, I tendered to the sick and in-firmed. That's wonderful said St Peter, Go over to that cloud over...
|
madaboutled
|
1
|
982
|
|
|
|
|
Jack & Jill
(Preview)
Business was bad for Bill. He had to dismiss one of his employees, but he couldnt decide who should be let go: Jack or Jill. Finally, he decided to call one of them into his office. Jill, he said, I have to either lay you or Jack off. Youre going to have to jack off, then, Jill said. Ive got a really bad head...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
973
|
|
|
|
|
I remember .....
(Preview)
I remember the corned beef of my Childhood, And the bread that we cut with a knife, When the Children helped with the housework, And the men went to work not the wife. The cheese never needed a fridge, And the bread was so crusty and hot, The Children were seldom unhappy, And the Wife was content with her lo...
|
Cupie
|
6
|
1240
|
|
|
|
|
Too busy
(Preview)
As I was going to bed last night, I heard some people in my garage stealing things. I immediately rang "000" and asked for Police. The Police told me that they had a lot on just now and couldn't come right now. I waited a minute and rang "000" again, and told the operator that I had rang a minute ago but there w...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
986
|
|
|
|
|
Tale of 2crocs
(Preview)
Taken from another site. Thougth it worth a laugh A Tale of Two Crocs Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of Lake Burley-Griffin in Canberra. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, 'I can't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids....
|
Woody2
|
2
|
1083
|
|
|
|
|
No more toilet paper
(Preview)
|
jade46
|
2
|
946
|
|
|
|
|
Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
(Preview)
1st woman: Hi Wanda 2nd woman: Hi Sylvia. How did you die? 1st woman: I froze to death 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about your? 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart att...
|
June
|
0
|
880
|
|
|
|
|
3 Sisters
(Preview)
Three elderly sisters shared a house together. One evening, the eldest sister went upstairs to take a bath. As she put her foot into the tub, she paused. Was I getting in the tub or out? she yelled to her sisters. You old fool, said the middle sister. Ill come up and see. When she got halfway up the sta...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
917
|
|
|
|
|
Irish cook.
(Preview)
We hired a Irish shearer's cook, He was a brilliant chef always baking biscuits and cakes. He would make up the batter in large lots - freeze it and just bake a few at a time for each Smoko. We had to let him go as he came up with the similar idea to boil a vat of water for tea and coffee, and freeze cup-full's - t...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
971
|
|
|
|
|
I GOT MY CONCEALED CARRY PERMIT YESTERDAY MORNING
(Preview)
I GOT MY CONCEALED CARRY PERMIT YESTERDAY MORNINGIn the afternoon, I went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a 9mm handgun for home/personal protection.When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."Making a mental note to complain to my MP about how unne...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
926
|
|
|
|
|
Donate
(Preview)
Wife; "I have a huge bag of clothing that I would like to donate to Salvo's". Husband: "Why not just throw it into the trash? It's much easier." Wife; "But there are poor starving people that could use these clothes". Husband: "Honey, anyone that fits into your clothing is not starving". ************...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
879
|
|
|
|
|
Simple Remedies
(Preview)
Amazingly simple home remedies: 1. Avoid cutting yourself whilst slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 2. Avoid arguments with females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed f...
|
Cadpete
|
4
|
1061
|
|
|
|
|
Irish Baby.
(Preview)
An Irishman was drinking in a pub in London when he gets a call on his cell phone. He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, "That's a...
|
hako
|
1
|
987
|
|
|
|
|
Medical Problem
(Preview)
My Upcoming Surgery When I first noticed that my penis was growing and staying erect longer, I was delighted. So was my wife.But, after several weeks, my penis had grown to 13 inches.I became quite concerned. Soon I was having problems dressing and even walking. So my wife and I went to see a prominent...
|
hako
|
1
|
942
|
|
|
|
|
Love?
(Preview)
Who loves you more, Your wife or your dog? If you really want to know - Lock them both in the boot of your car. Then let them out after an hour or so, Then See who's happy to see you.
|
Possum3
|
1
|
875
|
|
|
|
|
Lance Corporals...
(Preview)
Two good old boys, Mick & Paddy, have been promoted from privates toLance Corporals. Not long afterward, they're out for a walk and Micksays, "Hey, Paddy, there's the NCO Club; let's you and me step in.""But we're only privates," protests Paddy."We're Lance Corporals now," says Mick, pointin...
|
aussie_paul
|
1
|
898
|
|
|
|
|
Pulled over
(Preview)
A Cop stopped me and asked "Do you know why I've been following you?", So I Said, "Because my TWEETS are funny". We laughed and slapped hands in a "High Five" Can someone please put up the $150 Bail for me.
|
Possum3
|
1
|
931
|
|
|
|
|
Pecker Checker... :)
(Preview)
TImpending Bathroom legislation.. here are important questions to be answered about recent LGBTI bathroom legislation and whether transgender people will be permitted to use a restroom of the gender that they "identify" with or be required to use the restroom of their biological gender.If the...
|
aussie_paul
|
6
|
1380
|
|
|
|
|
Because.
(Preview)
"Mommy, why were you bouncing on Daddy's belly last night?" "Oh Honey, I Have to do that otherwise Daddy's belly will get Fat" "It won't work". "Why Honey?" "Coz the Babysitter keeps blowing him up again".
|
Possum3
|
2
|
827
|
|
|
|
|
Elevator.
(Preview)
This morning I was beaten up by a Busty Woman in an elevator. I was staring at her Boobs. She said, "'Would you please press One". So I did. I don't remember much after that.
|
Possum3
|
2
|
1205
|
|
|
