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LOST IT ALL..
(Preview)
I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way. He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was wor...
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aussie_paul
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1
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913
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Restaurant Accident
(Preview)
There's been a bad accident at my local Indian restaurant. Hope to god the chef pulls through. The last I heard he'd slipped into a korma.
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fwdoz
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1
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1196
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HAPPY HOLIDAYS ON THE REST OF AUSTRALIA
(Preview)
AAT members are to get an ALL inclusive 3 day junket on the Gold Coast, HALF A MILLION DOLLARS cost, paid for by the rest of us. Just joking about the junket bit.
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Craig1
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0
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1000
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The dentist..
(Preview)
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aussie_paul
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0
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835
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Ain't it true...
(Preview)
Barb was lying in bed one night. Larry was falling asleep butBarb was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to getback to sleep.A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kis...
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aussie_paul
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2
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1137
|
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What I have learned
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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1
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1128
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Tender Tony
(Preview)
Ethel checked into a Motel on her 65th Birthday, she was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age so decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages." She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad f...
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Paintar
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1
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1034
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The Honeymoon is over.
(Preview)
Tom and Jess got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, Jess immediately phoned her mother. How was the honeymoon, dear? her mother asked. Oh, mum, Jess replied, the honeymoon was wonderful so romantic. Then Jess burst into tears. But, as soon as we returned home Tom started using t...
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Possum3
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1
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980
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Missing Wife
(Preview)
Husband: My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home! Police: Height? Husband: Im not sure. A little over five-feet tall. Police: Weight? Husband: Dont know. Not slim, not really fat. Police: Colour of eyes? Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed. P...
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Possum3
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1
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1150
|
|
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Supersex......
(Preview)
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down thehalls in a nursing home. As she ran, she would flip up the hem of hernightgown and say "Supersex." She ran up to an elderly man in awheelchair, flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and final...
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aussie_paul
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1
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1031
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Two elderly women...
(Preview)
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barelysee over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came tomajor crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went onthrough.The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losingit. I could have sworn we jus...
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aussie_paul
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0
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852
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SENIOR DRIVING
(Preview)
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Vernon, Ijust heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way onI-25. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"...
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aussie_paul
|
0
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901
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OLD FRIENDS
(Preview)
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, theiractivities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to playcards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other andsaid, "Now don't get mad...
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aussie_paul
|
0
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1048
|
|
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Good job
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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0
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1263
|
|
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An accountant
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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0
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686
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The Irish
(Preview)
A very pretty young speech therapist was getting absolutely nowhere with her Stammerer's Action Group. She had tried every technique in the book, but still they stammered and stuttered. Finally, totally exasperated, she said; "If any of you can tell me where you were born, without stuttering, I w...
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67HR
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5
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1581
|
|
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Ventriloquist
(Preview)
A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he's doing a show ina small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going throughhis customary dumb-blonde jokes.Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and startsshouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid b...
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reglynn
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1
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717
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Johno strikes again
(Preview)
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Woody n Sue
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1
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1098
|
|
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APHORISM:"A SHORT, POINTED SENTENCE THAT EXPRESSES A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH"
(Preview)
NOT REALLY "JUST JOKING' Most of them are too close to home 1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow. 2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail. 3. If you don't have a sense of humour you probably don't have any sense at all. 4. Seat belts are n...
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67HR
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2
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5042
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The Devil
(Preview)
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork. "Who are you?" he asked...
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fwdoz
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1
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1007
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