|
How?
(Preview)
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldnt do it while he waited, so he said he didnt live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of ch...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
851
|
|
|
|
|
Quick thinking
(Preview)
To surprise her husband, an executives wife stopped by his office.When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.Without hesitating, he dictatedAnd in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cutsI cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.O...
|
Woody n Sue
|
2
|
948
|
|
|
|
|
Talking Dog
(Preview)
A man sees a sign outside a house: 'TALKING DOG FOR SALE' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there. "Do you really talk?" he asks the dog. "Yes!" The Labrador replies. After recov...
|
fwdoz
|
2
|
895
|
|
|
|
|
Where is God?
(Preview)
A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit's end as to w...
|
fwdoz
|
1
|
747
|
|
|
|
|
At the wedding
(Preview)
At a wedding party recently someone yelled "All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living". The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
632
|
|
|
|
|
Easy $800
(Preview)
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, Ill give you $800 to drop that towel. A...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
802
|
|
|
|
|
The Rabbi and the ATO
(Preview)
The ATO send an auditor to a synagogue.The auditor is doing all the checks and then turns to the Rabbi, and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.""Yes," answered the Rabbi."Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked."A good question," noted the Rabbi."We actually save t...
|
rgren2
|
3
|
851
|
|
|
|
|
Met the wife.
(Preview)
A traveller pulls into a hotel around midnight and asks the clerk for a single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby. He tells the clerk to wait, and then disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his a...
|
Possum3
|
2
|
989
|
|
|
|
|
Obsessive?
(Preview)
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. You all have obsessions, he observed. To the first mother, he said, You are obsessed with eating.Youve even named your daughter Candy. He turned to the second mom. Your obsession is money. Youv...
|
Possum3
|
1
|
1061
|
|
|
|
|
Blonde.
(Preview)
A blonde was sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening she went home and memorised all the state capitals to prove she was smart. Back in the office the next day, a male co-worker started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement. Ive had it up to here with these...
|
Possum3
|
3
|
868
|
|
|
|
|
Golf
(Preview)
Two men are playing golf and a funeral procession appears on the road next to the course. One of the golfers was about to take a swing, when he noticed the procession. He took off his hat and placed his hand over his heart and bowed his head until the funeral had passed. His opponent was taken aback and said...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
837
|
|
|
|
|
That's why.
(Preview)
A herd of Buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest Buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This is natural selection and good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular...
|
Possum3
|
3
|
809
|
|
|
|
|
Sick - Dad jokes
(Preview)
Copy & paste from MSN.1. Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies. 2. How does a squid go into battle? Well-armed. 3. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? I dont know, but their flag is a huge plus. 4. Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it. 5. Why arent koal...
|
Possum3
|
0
|
954
|
|
|
|
|
Can't win.
(Preview)
It had been snowing all night. So:8:00 am I made a snowman.8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.8:15 So, I made a snow woman.8:17 My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuouschest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.8:20 The gay couple l...
|
rgren2
|
7
|
1040
|
|
|
|
|
Where is the Post Office?
(Preview)
A delightful angelic little boy was waiting for his mother outside the ladies room of the gas station.As he stood there, he was approached by a man who asked "Sonny, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"The little boy replied "Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
775
|
|
|
|
|
Golf Deal
(Preview)
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt" the golfer mumbles to himself.Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers "Would you be willing to give up a quarter of your sex life to sink the putt?"Thinking the ma...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
744
|
|
|
|
|
Area 51
(Preview)
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their 'secret' base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pi...
|
fwdoz
|
1
|
832
|
|
|
|
|
Painting Thief
(Preview)
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such a...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
709
|
|
|
|
|
Scotch
(Preview)
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle, bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision, bec...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
624
|
|
|
|
|
Fries
(Preview)
There was once a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts and was about to throw them into the trash. "No!" yelled the farmer "Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they...
|
fwdoz
|
0
|
772
|
|
|
