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Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow. Presenter: "Wow!! This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?" "Sticks!" says Paddy...

For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles; there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the ref...

A guy was cutting the tail off his dog. His neighbour asked "What the heck are you doing?" "My mother-in-law is coming to visit and I don't want any sign of welcome" He replied.

Bob, a hunter, went on camping trip with his wife, kids, and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the forest, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. Bob picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look f...

Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skilfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master. Poor old Luke is...

The other day I went up to a Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker". I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper. I was stopped a...

A lady to doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?" Doctor: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake!"

A lawyer had a wife and 12 children and needed to move as his rental agreement was coming to an end for the home where he lived but was having difficulty in finding a new home. When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they knew that the children would destroy the home. He could no...

In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said "It's...

Hi all. i am heading to Tasmania on the 4th March for 5 weeks, and am wondering if any members could recommend free/low cost camping sites Around the state. I have not decided if I am going left or right off the boat. I've had a look and searched on recommendations - camping and most posts are quite old, so w...

Just bought these from Good Price Pharmacy, Paracetamol Osteo Tab( distributed by AFT), in lie of Panadol Brand, save a dollar. Then today I read the fine print " Made in China". I have had three and havn't cacked it, but put the fourth one back into the bottle, note not a packet. Cant believe this stuff,...

Hi All I'm planning our first long trip from Melbourne to Brisbane. We plan on going up the Newel Hyw taking 4 or 5 days to do this. Travelling around 400 to 500 ks per day. More or less. Any hints on good places to stop over night. cheers Kiwimagic.

No, not what you were thinking of! Soap! We were clearing out our shed the other day & found an old trunk. In it was a bar of LUX soap that would be around 35 years old. Comparing it to current LUX soap, it seems to have shrunk considerably in size (length, height, thickness) & weight. Old soap 120g...

Hi All, I have brought a caravan and would like some advice on upgrading the suspension, as in what sort to get, brand suggestions and pricing if known. I have a Pajero NX 2016. The van is 18.5 foot, approx. 2.5T when loaded and ball weight is around the 165kg. All help and ideas would be much appreciated...

Tonight's delicious dinner is shown. Now I'm no fool. There is no way one spoon of what ever it might be Is going in my gob. I do suspect that in the hospital kitchen they have employed a new plumber as cook if you know what I mean. Ralph chicken strangler.

Sunday was our get away late and weigh the rig, then to Ararat. I had the fridge on 240v for 24 hours and as we left the freezer was at -20. Turned fridge to 12v and headed off. Weghing did not take to long and we eventually arrived at Green Hill Lake reserve in time for a late tea. We got the air purged from the g...

Hi all, Can anyone point me in the direction of a short (3m) 15amp power lead to run from my genie to my van to avoid coiling it up under the van when in use? Are they even available ? Searching only yields the usual 10-20m lengths . I know I can make one easily enough but would prefer an off the shelf where 240...

Paddy was walking along the street in Belfast, when he sees a bomb. He takes a closer look and sees it is in fact a sandwich bomb. He decides to ring the army to report it. He says I have found a sandwich bomb just laying on the street"The chap on the other end asks "Is it ticking" to which Paddy replies "no, im...

Joe rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Joe smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips o...

Hi all, just pulled into a site yesterday and needed levelling the van across the width. we put the levelling ramp on one of the wheels but didnt make much difference. Then I put a couple of pieces of wood on top of the ramp, which lifted it a bit more and it was good enough to sleep ok without rolling over ont...