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Pet Names
(Preview)
An elderly gent was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his cobber preceded every request to his Wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly,they were Stil...
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Gary and Kerry
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0
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942
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happy girl (wrong but funny)
(Preview)
Col, the Country Lawyer, ran across an old client outside of the Alice Springs Court, an aboriginal lady who was beaming from ear to ear. She was carrying a sheet of corrugated iron under one arm & a slab of Fosters under the other G'day Mary, says Col, what are you looking so happy about today ? Ju...
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dave06
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3
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838
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An Irish Story
(Preview)
An Irish daughter had not been home for over a year. Upon her return, her Father cussed her. 'Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?' The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff.....Dad....I beca...
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Firefly
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1
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991
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IT'S TOUGH GETTING OLD
(Preview)
A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample." The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wi...
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Ma
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0
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877
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You Go Girl!!
(Preview)
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work co cktail with her girlfriends when a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked dir...
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Firefly
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1
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917
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Irish Priest
(Preview)
THE IRISH PRIEST An Irish priest was transferred to Texas ... Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in th...
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The Gnome
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1
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663
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IF THE PRICE IS RIGHT?
(Preview)
Prince Charles decided to take up jogging. Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner. He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow. 'One hundred and fifty pounds!' she'd shout from the curb. 'No! Five pounds!' He would fire back, just...
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Ma
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0
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663
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Nurses aren't suppose to laugh.
(Preview)
Nurses aren't supposed to laugh... 'Of course I won't laugh, said the nurse. I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.' 'Okay then, said Fred, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn...
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Firefly
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1
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814
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Never Ask a GN a Question If you Don't Know the Answer
(Preview)
Ear Infection This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's reception why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other...
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Wombat 280
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0
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963
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ANAGRAMS - Quite Clever
(Preview)
DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: ! When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE...
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sgntbilko
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4
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966
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Julie Andrews on ageing.
(Preview)
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting, Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings, Bundles of magazines tied up in string, These are a few of my favorite things.. Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses, Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses, Pacemakers, golf ca...
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Monica
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7
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1219
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They Walk Among Us!
(Preview)
NEW YORK?- resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.' Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question and proceeded to make what fa...
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The Gnome
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3
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950
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Bert and Margaret
(Preview)
A retired couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Tamworth . Bert always wanted a pair of R.M. WILLIAMS boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?' Margaret looked him over. 'N...
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Firefly
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0
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865
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Evolution of man and woman
(Preview)
http://walter.no.sapo.pt/humor/2001-06-28/humor-044.gif
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Gary and Kerry
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0
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687
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Maths Will Get You There
(Preview)
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What ma...
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Wombat 280
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0
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601
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Beep Beep
(Preview)
A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime. They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager. After waiting patiently for a few minutes, the little boy said loudly, "Wow, She's fat! The mother bent down and whispered in the little boy's...
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Firefly
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0
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662
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Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
(Preview)
The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to f...
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Gary and Kerry
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2
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801
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The Talking Duck
(Preview)
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the duck. "And you can talk!" exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too," says t...
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Firefly
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1
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1030
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A.A.A.D.D.
(Preview)
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: > >I decide to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the ta...
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suenami
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2
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820
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THE IRISH PETROL STATION
(Preview)
A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales. So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.' Soon Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Paddy guessed...
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Ma
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0
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804
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