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40th wedding anniversary
(Preview)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, When you die, Im getting you a headstone that reads, Here Lies My Wife Cold As Ever! Yeah? she replies. When you die, Im getting you a headstone that reads, Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last!
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Libby
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0
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646
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gone fishing
(Preview)
Saturday morning I got up early, put on my warm fishing gear, dressing quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was hail mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 kmh. I pull...
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twobob
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0
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625
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How To Smuggle A Hair Dryer
(Preview)
Getting a hairdryer through customs.... A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?' 'Of course child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and wel...
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Firefly
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0
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782
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Gala Christmas Party
(Preview)
Gala Christmas Party I'M HAPPY ' TO, INFORM YOU that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing alo...
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Libby
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1
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835
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When a Woman Lies.
(Preview)
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in makin...
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Firefly
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2
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826
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Clever
(Preview)
1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. 5. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. 6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry...
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Libby
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2
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859
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A Six Year Old's Prayer!
(Preview)
"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer, Amen."
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Disco Duck
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1
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767
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Re: Aids leaflet
(Preview)
An Irishman's letter to Centrelink in request of receiving an AIDS leaflet Dear Sir I have just received an AIDS leaflet in the mail and would like to apply straight away for AIDS. I have been on the dole for the past ten years and have been receiving the child allowance, and every other benefit I could ge...
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Hylda&Jon
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1
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1424
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Pocket Tazer Stun Gun
(Preview)
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little someth...
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Disco Duck
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0
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876
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Drink Driving
(Preview)
From the state where drink driving is considered a sport, comes
a true story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland.
A night patrol police van parked in a dark corner of the car park
at the local hotel. A little latter the officer noticed a man leaving
the front door so intoxicated he could barely wal...
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Cruising Granny
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1
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911
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How is your sense of humour
(Preview)
Or this one -- Edited by Libby on Friday 27th of November 2009 09:35:01 AM
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Libby
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3
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715
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Ladies Night Club
(Preview)
Last night, my Red Hat friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 note. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 note and stuck it to his b u m cheek! Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 note. She called the...
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Firefly
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0
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750
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John in trouble
(Preview)
John In Trouble John was in a lot of trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really p i s s e d, and started to give him the business. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next mor...
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Libby
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0
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751
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Oldie but a goodie IMO
(Preview)
Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits By Pam Ayres Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers, Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers, Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits. 'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning. It's Nature's revenge for al...
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The Gnome
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1
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672
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Santa’s Tired & …
(Preview)
Twas the night before Christmas - old Santa was pissed. He cussed at the elves and threw down his list, Miserable brats, ungrateful jerks; Ive a good mind to scrap the whole damn works. I've busted my ass for damn near a year, Instead of "Thanks Santa" - what do I hear? My old lady bitches cos I w...
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Disco Duck
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1
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616
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mix up
(Preview)
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{mso-style-parent:"";
margin:0cm;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-font-fami...
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twobob
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1
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696
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Taxidermist
(Preview)
.hmmessage P {
PADDING-BOTTOM: 0px; MARGIN: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 0px; PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-TOP: 0px
}
BODY.hmmessage {
FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; FONT-SIZE: 10pt
}
A bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand and orders a shandy. All the Kiwis sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see...
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Firefly
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0
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796
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Senior Health Care Solution
(Preview)
If you're a senior citizen and the government says no healthcare for you, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your he...
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twobob
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1
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571
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EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50..............
(Preview)
EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50 Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side With a 5-kg potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find t...
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TRUE BLUE AUSIE
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1
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852
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Great Comeback
(Preview)
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it wou...
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Firefly
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0
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813
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