|
"A SCOTTISH WEDDING
(Preview)
"A SCOTTISH WEDDING" Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding. "Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ay've got everythin' organised ulriddy, the fluers, the Kirk,the mootor caurs, the recuption...
|
justcruisin01
|
0
|
872
|
|
|
|
|
STAY!
(Preview)
STAY!I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping centre and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my...
|
justcruisin01
|
0
|
912
|
|
|
|
|
FREE DRINKS!
(Preview)
Sitting in a bar a Scotsman says, "As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home.In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." "Well, Angus," said the English...
|
justcruisin01
|
0
|
948
|
|
|
|
|
Old people
(Preview)
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts. A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you were better loo...
|
jules47
|
0
|
1021
|
|
|
|
|
TICKETS;
(Preview)
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 120 km/h, sir.' The driver says, 'Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.' Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this ca...
|
justcruisin01
|
1
|
1093
|
|
|
|
|
GOLF;
(Preview)
> *Sue and her husband Frank went for counseling after 35 > years of marriage. > > When asked what the problem was, Sue went into a > passionate, painful > tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 35 > years they had > been married. > > She went on and on and on: n...
|
justcruisin01
|
0
|
992
|
|
|
|
|
Dumb Seniors
(Preview)
A Lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily. So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game. The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines an...
|
robell
|
1
|
1035
|
|
|
|
|
Catholic hospital
(Preview)
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 000 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nun...
|
jimbo
|
0
|
865
|
|
|
|
|
Jewish divorce
(Preview)
A Jewish daughter says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Joe." All he wants is sex, sex and more sex.. My vagina is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be the size of a nickel." Her mother says, "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman, you live in an 8 bedroom man...
|
jimbo
|
0
|
870
|
|
|
|
|
The way to inner peace...
(Preview)
Some doctor on TV yesterday said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started & hadn't finished, then I finished off a bottle of Vodka, a bodle of Baileys, a botle of wum, a pock of Prungles, 1/2 chesecke an a bocs a choc...
|
srp
|
1
|
930
|
|
|
|
|
How not to play golf
(Preview)
Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden, POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said...
|
robell
|
0
|
681
|
|
|
|
|
farm economics
(Preview)
George and Tim McGillivray saw an ad in the Daily Newspaper in Cohuna , Victoria . And bought a donkey for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, your donkey died last night" George a...
|
robell
|
1
|
1114
|
|
|
|
|
You are charged with beating your wife to death
(Preview)
A man is in court for murder and the judge says 'You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.' Then a voice at the back of the court says, 'you bastard.' Then the judge continues, 'you are also charged With beating Your daughter to death with a hammer.' Again the voice at the back of the cou...
|
Cowboy7307
|
0
|
1036
|
|
|
|
|
Blonde Cowgirl
(Preview)
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action.. as it gallops along at its steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for t...
|
robell
|
0
|
864
|
|
|
|
|
can men be agony aunts???
(Preview)
Dear Jim, I left home for work last week and after less than a mile my car stalled and wouldn't start again. I walked back home to find my husband in bed with the babysitter. They finally admitted they had been having an affair for the last 6 months and that they were in love. Can you help me please, I'm reall...
|
Cowboy7307
|
0
|
704
|
|
|
|
|
greenies
(Preview)
In the line at the supermarket, the cashier told the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bag because plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day." The clerk responded, "That's o...
|
robell
|
0
|
967
|
|
|
|
|
love story
(Preview)
Love Story I will seek and find you . . I shall take you to bed and have my way with you I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan. I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you. And, when I'm finis...
|
robell
|
0
|
908
|
|
|
|
|
MADE IN ENGLAND - SIZE: SMALL
(Preview)
The largest condom factory in the States burned down. President Obama was awakened at 4 am by the telephone."Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durexfactory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA...
|
oldrtvute
|
1
|
838
|
|
|
|
|
At last
(Preview)
A single glass of wine at night has been invented for Seniors . Some winemakers in th Hunter & Barossa grape areas got together to come up with a grape that is great for seniors at night Yes One glass of wine for a full uninterupted nights sleep , I kid you not , a wine for seniors . The Hunter & Baro...
|
Zoomtopz
|
1
|
1086
|
|
|
|
|
Tenjooberrymuds
(Preview)
I DID NOT THINK I WOULD GET WHAT TENJOOBERRYMUDS MEANT BUT BY THE TIME I READ THIS,I DO UNDER STAND WHAT IT MEANS..SEE IF YOU CAN TOO)! I was recently in Sydney and decided to learn Vietnamese, so I could understand the check-outs at McDonalds. My next move is to learn Indian, so I can understand my doctor...
|
robell
|
2
|
1246
|
|
|
