Just Joking

ozi2 · ozi2

Mohammed the Pakistani was in Oz for a few months when he became very ill. He visited Dr after Dr but none could help him. Finally, he went to an arab Dr who said: take this bucket, go into the other room, crap into the bucket, pee on it and then put your head down over the bucket for 10 mins and breathe in the fu...

sucastja · sucastja

LOG ON: Adding wood to the campfire. LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the campfire. MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the campfire. DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute. HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies. KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys. WINDOW: What you shut when t...

Peterpan · Peterpan

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash....

oldrtvute · oldrtvute

ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an over...

Cruising Granny · Cruising Granny

ALRIGHT, who's the wise ass that sent this to me? WHOEVER SENT IT, send it to SOMEONE that COULD benefit from it, OKAY!

Peterpan · Peterpan

A little old lady was wandering through a town and was quite lost. She wanted to ask for directions so went to a house that was painted red. She knocked on the red door and it was answered by a man dressed in red slippers, a red dressing gown and red cap. She asked for directions to the nearest bus station. T...

_wombat_ · _wombat_

this may have been seen before Subject: 86-year old lady's letter to bank shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with whi...

jimbo · jimbo

The police recently busted a man selling tablets he said gave him eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fourth time he was caught for doing this. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856 and 1928..........

sucastja · sucastja

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

jimbo · jimbo

After an examination, the doctor said to his patient: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?" "In fact, I do." said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with...

Cruising Granny · Cruising Granny

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from loo...

jimbo · jimbo

A man on his Harley was riding along on a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said to him, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Lord, please build a bridge to Hawaii so I can r...

oldrtvute · oldrtvute

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impre...

oldrtvute · oldrtvute

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugl...

oldrtvute · oldrtvute

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his sho...

Cruising Granny · Cruising Granny

Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden, POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said...

Cruising Granny · Cruising Granny

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian" Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you need...

Peterpan · Peterpan

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed...

robell · robell

Two friends are fishing near a bridge. Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing. His mate turns to him and says, "Dave, that's on...

robell · robell

This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in a while. Someone out there must be "deadly" at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one!) PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DE...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	holistic medicine (Preview) Mohammed the Pakistani was in Oz for a few months when he became very ill. He visited Dr after Dr but none could help him. Finally, he went to an arab Dr who said: take this bucket, go into the other room, crap into the bucket, pee on it and then put your head down over the bucket for 10 mins and breathe in the fu...	ozi2	1	822	04:11 PM Jul 12, 2011 by jimbo
	A bit of Aussie Culture (Preview) LOG ON: Adding wood to the campfire. LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the campfire. MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the campfire. DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute. HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies. KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys. WINDOW: What you shut when t...	sucastja	3	1209	05:51 PM Jul 10, 2011 by jules47
	The Funeral (Preview) A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash....	Peterpan	1	728	05:16 PM Jul 7, 2011 by jules47
	ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND (Preview) ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an over...	oldrtvute	1	1142	06:24 PM Jul 6, 2011 by Cruising Granny
	Senior Signs (Preview) ALRIGHT, who's the wise ass that sent this to me? WHOEVER SENT IT, send it to SOMEONE that COULD benefit from it, OKAY!	Cruising Granny	16	1252	06:15 PM Jul 6, 2011 by Cruising Granny
	A Twisted Tale (Preview) A little old lady was wandering through a town and was quite lost. She wanted to ask for directions so went to a house that was painted red. She knocked on the red door and it was answered by a man dressed in red slippers, a red dressing gown and red cap. She asked for directions to the nearest bus station. T...	Peterpan	1	1017	01:29 PM Jul 6, 2011 by jimbo
	Letter to Bank Manager (Preview) this may have been seen before Subject: 86-year old lady's letter to bank shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with whi...	_wombat_	0	984	07:59 AM Jul 5, 2011 by _wombat_
	Will this bloke ever learn (Preview) The police recently busted a man selling tablets he said gave him eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fourth time he was caught for doing this. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856 and 1928..........	jimbo	1	884	07:21 PM Jul 4, 2011 by robell
	Gift for Mother in Law (Preview) One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"	sucastja	0	723	07:08 PM Jul 4, 2011 by sucastja
	Hot & Cold (Preview) After an examination, the doctor said to his patient: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?" "In fact, I do." said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with...	jimbo	1	943	09:34 PM Jul 3, 2011 by Cruising Granny
	PROOF That The World Is Nuts! (Preview) In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense!) ~~~~~~~~~ In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from loo...	Cruising Granny	0	1010	09:47 PM Jun 30, 2011 by Cruising Granny
	The Bridge (Preview) A man on his Harley was riding along on a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said to him, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Lord, please build a bridge to Hawaii so I can r...	jimbo	2	912	09:15 PM Jun 30, 2011 by Cruising Granny
	The 3rd Affair (Preview) A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impre...	oldrtvute	0	730	05:50 PM Jun 30, 2011 by oldrtvute
	The 2nd Affair (Preview) A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugl...	oldrtvute	0	715	05:48 PM Jun 30, 2011 by oldrtvute
	affair No1 (Preview) A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his sho...	oldrtvute	0	726	05:43 PM Jun 30, 2011 by oldrtvute
	Golf Balls & Buttercups (Preview) Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch. All of a sudden, POOF! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said...	Cruising Granny	2	1043	05:06 PM Jun 30, 2011 by robell
	PERFECT BRIAN (Preview) A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian" Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you need...	Cruising Granny	3	1045	04:58 PM Jun 30, 2011 by robell
	Quickies - some old, some new.... (Preview) A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed...	Peterpan	1	939	01:38 PM Jun 30, 2011 by Pam
	Respectful (Preview) Two friends are fishing near a bridge. Suddenly a Hearse and two Funeral Cars go over the bridge so one of the men stands up, takes off his cap and bows his head. When the cars have gone he puts his cap back on, sits back down and carries on fishing. His mate turns to him and says, "Dave, that's on...	robell	1	947	09:41 PM Jun 29, 2011 by Cruising Granny
	Amazing Anagrams (Preview) This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in a while. Someone out there must be "deadly" at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one!) PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER DE...	robell	2	923	07:40 PM Jun 29, 2011 by pricey43
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