Just Joking

Vic41 · Vic41

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!" "Oh God no!" cri...

rockylizard · rockylizard

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.What do you get when you drop a piano on an Army base? A flat MajorQ: Why did the lamp go on a diet?A: Because it wanted to get light.Q: What do a violin and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

Yendorane · Yendorane

Ken and Edna Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, And every year Ken would say, 'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter' Edna always replied, 'I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks' One year Ken and Edna went to the fair, And Ken said, 'Edna...

Vic41 · Vic41

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You bas****s who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you bast****s who are getting on, get on now, 'cos...

kiwijims · kiwijims

A lawyer defending a man in New York accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles Your Honour.His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by h...

Vic41 · Vic41

Sound needed...Sales lady in Uganda https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10153854046550392 Watch till end and you will thoroughly enjoy. If you have lived in East Africa such as Kenya , Ethiopia , Somalia , etc you will relate to such episodes and do enjoy this presentation !!.

reglynn · reglynn

A class was given a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class. He picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the black...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

Conjoined twins walk into a pub in Sydney and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip, I'm John, he's Jim. Two VB's thanks" The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers....

kiwijims · kiwijims

A pharmacist walked into his own shop to find a man leaning against the wall. "What's wrong with him?", he asked his assistant. "He came in for cough syrup, but I could not find any, so I gave him an entire box of laxatives." "You idiot" said the chemist, "You cann...

kiwijims · kiwijims

K.J.

rockylizard · rockylizard

The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight... "promise!"Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall start...

Vic41 · Vic41

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk' if you love Jesus' bumper sticker .. I was feeling particul...

Hurls · Hurls

THE Day P.E.Nis asked for a Raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that...

reglynn · reglynn

Sitting on the side of the highway, waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH. Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices th...

Vic41 · Vic41

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-weekvacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captainannounces: Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I havesome very bad news.Our engines have ceased functioning and we willattempt an emergency lan...

Vic41 · Vic41

Hi all, just a warning on the new 3D televisions. I bought one the other day and guess what! They are so vivid and real. I dozed off watching a realistic documentary on local thieves targeting tourists. When I woke up my wallet and thongs were gone...................... -- Edited by Vic41 on Fri...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, ea...

Hendo · Hendo

I went to a Thai Massage the other day, she worked on my back and down my legs then my neck, then my back again, her little hot hands sliding over my naked back! She asked me to roll over, and well things had swelled and it looked like a tent peg under the towel. She just smiled and looked me in the eye and asked...

Hendo · Hendo

A farmer in Yorkshire sees a man drinking from his stream, so he shouts , Ey up ****er, tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta frum theer stream, its full o hoss piss an cow ****e an it could KILL thee The man says: "Excuse me Sir, but I am a Muslim arrived from Pakistan , can you be speaking English to me cleare...

Yendorane · Yendorane

Husband says to wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived ... I think I'll wear gold tonight." Wife says, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change."

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Golfer..... (Preview) A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. "The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!" "Oh God no!" cri...	Vic41	1	765	05:35 AM Apr 26, 2014 by Cowboy7307
	Time to groan perhaps ... (Preview) What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.What do you get when you drop a piano on an Army base? A flat MajorQ: Why did the lamp go on a diet?A: Because it wanted to get light.Q: What do a violin and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed.	rockylizard	1	984	04:55 PM Apr 25, 2014 by grahos
	Ken and Edna (Preview) Ken and Edna Ken and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, And every year Ken would say, 'Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter' Edna always replied, 'I know Ken, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks' One year Ken and Edna went to the fair, And Ken said, 'Edna...	Yendorane	2	1090	04:53 PM Apr 25, 2014 by grahos
	Train Controller.....(an oldie but a goodie). (Preview) A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of You bas**s who want off, get off now, 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you bast**s who are getting on, get on now, 'cos...	Vic41	0	826	09:25 PM Apr 24, 2014 by Vic41
	A good Lawyer (Preview) A lawyer defending a man in New York accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles Your Honour.His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by h...	kiwijims	1	876	09:12 PM Apr 24, 2014 by grahos
	Ugandan Sales Lady - Buy One - Get One Free.... (Preview) Sound needed...Sales lady in Uganda https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10153854046550392 Watch till end and you will thoroughly enjoy. If you have lived in East Africa such as Kenya , Ethiopia , Somalia , etc you will relate to such episodes and do enjoy this presentation !!.	Vic41	2	1257	09:10 PM Apr 24, 2014 by grahos
	Small white Dot (Preview) A class was given a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class. He picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the black...	reglynn	0	893	03:27 PM Apr 23, 2014 by reglynn
	John and Jim (Preview) Conjoined twins walk into a pub in Sydney and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip, I'm John, he's Jim. Two VB's thanks" The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers....	Gunsondeck	0	886	10:43 AM Apr 23, 2014 by Gunsondeck
	The Chemist's Assistant will fix You !!! (Preview) A pharmacist walked into his own shop to find a man leaning against the wall. "What's wrong with him?", he asked his assistant. "He came in for cough syrup, but I could not find any, so I gave him an entire box of laxatives." "You idiot" said the chemist, "You cann...	kiwijims	1	899	08:18 AM Apr 23, 2014 by george57
	How to fix those damn silent phone calls...... (Preview) K.J.	kiwijims	4	1091	03:38 PM Apr 22, 2014 by Deetric
	Clock for sale ? (Preview) The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight... "promise!"Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall start...	rockylizard	2	875	09:45 PM Apr 21, 2014 by Foz
	Honk For Jesus... (Preview) Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk' if you love Jesus' bumper sticker .. I was feeling particul...	Vic41	2	1118	04:41 PM Apr 21, 2014 by Vic41
	The Day (Preview) THE Day P.E.Nis asked for a Raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that...	Hurls	0	969	08:15 PM Apr 20, 2014 by Hurls
	5 old ladies (Preview) Sitting on the side of the highway, waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH. Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices th...	reglynn	1	1086	10:28 AM Apr 20, 2014 by Ontos45
	Tax Story... (Preview) *Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-weekvacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captainannounces: Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I havesome very bad news.Our engines have ceased functioning and we willattempt an emergency lan...*	Vic41	0	843	12:03 PM Apr 19, 2014 by Vic41
	Warning About Watching 3D TV While Travelling.... (Preview) Hi all, just a warning on the new 3D televisions. I bought one the other day and guess what! They are so vivid and real. I dozed off watching a realistic documentary on local thieves targeting tourists. When I woke up my wallet and thongs were gone...................... -- Edited by Vic41 on Fri...	Vic41	0	728	03:16 PM Apr 18, 2014 by Vic41
	COLIN;; (Preview) A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, ea...	justcruisin01	0	850	05:18 PM Apr 17, 2014 by justcruisin01
	Thai Massage (Preview) I went to a Thai Massage the other day, she worked on my back and down my legs then my neck, then my back again, her little hot hands sliding over my naked back! She asked me to roll over, and well things had swelled and it looked like a tent peg under the towel. She just smiled and looked me in the eye and asked...	Hendo	4	1070	11:54 AM Apr 17, 2014 by Kaid
	Another Incorrect (Preview) A farmer in Yorkshire sees a man drinking from his stream, so he shouts , Ey up **er, tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta frum theer stream, its full o hoss piss an cow **e an it could KILL thee The man says: "Excuse me Sir, but I am a Muslim arrived from Pakistan , can you be speaking English to me cleare...	Hendo	0	820	08:42 AM Apr 17, 2014 by Hendo
	Olympic condoms (Preview) Husband says to wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived ... I think I'll wear gold tonight." Wife says, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change."	Yendorane	0	729	07:54 AM Apr 17, 2014 by Yendorane
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