Just Joking

Vic41 · Vic41

A Scot was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone. He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Scottish baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, "Th...

graham (chickenman) · graham (chickenman)

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?" Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."

graham (chickenman) · graham (chickenman)

On a clear night the lone ranger and Tonto went to sleep under the stars in there swags. At 2 am Tonto said to the lone rager, arent those stars so bright and must be millions of them up there? Lone ranger replied, oh yer i was thinking the same thing, as it looks like i could tough a star as the so big and look so...

graham (chickenman) · graham (chickenman)

Paddy the Irishman was stopped at a rest area near the Sa and Nt border, he got up at 6 am, had a big strech a yawn then breeky and nature call , then a hour later he hit the road heading towards Alice spring. He wound up to 100 kmh in 30 secs then he realises he forgot his 4 wheel drive and van left in the rest area...

Hendo · Hendo

Little Johnny's 2nd-grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. "Johnny," she says, "what comes after 'O'?" Johnny says, "God, I'm coming!!"

rowdy · rowdy

Little johnny in class says to teacher "Hey miss do birds have spare parts". "No of course not Johnny,"said the teacher "what made you think birds would have spare parts anyway. "Well " said Johnny,"it's just that l heard dad telling uncle Frank he was go...

Vic41 · Vic41

Today I was beaten up in an elevator this morning by a woman... I was minding my own business when this lovely girl entered. As I was staring at her boobs, she said to me, "Would you please press 1..?" So I did...and the rest is history..... -- Edited by Vic41 on Tuesday 11th of March 201...

Peterpan · Peterpan

When I was 21, Dad finally told me where babies came from. He never explained to me how the stork new which house to go to. If you die before your time, how come you never get to go to your own funeral? This may be my last post regarding jokes/puns. My memory banks have been depleted and need to be repleni...

Cowboy7307 · Cowboy7307

How do you say Robert and Richard root rabbits with out any Rs in it ?

Hendo · Hendo

Moved it to I digress -- Edited by Hendo on Sunday 16th of March 2014 11:42:53 AM

learmo · learmo

-- Edited by learmo on Saturday 15th of March 2014 09:41:31 PM

learmo · learmo

I saw a car parked outside Woolies with a bumper sticker that said "I miss Alice Springs" So I smashed the window, let down the tyres, stole the radio, left a few empty VB cans on the back seat, with a note saying "Hope this helps" -- Edited by learmo on Saturday 15th of March 2014 09:...

learmo · learmo

The way we do it in Australia!!!!!!!! This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of VB beer cheap at the local supermarket. I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the n...

Hendo · Hendo

The teach told the class that she wanted them to use the word 'contagious' in a short story Looking around the class she spots little Johnny and thinks to herself, "here's my chance to show the little bugger up." "Johnny, give a me a short story with the word contagious in it"...

Vic41 · Vic41

Please accept my apologies if I repeat a joke that has already been on the forum, sometimes a search does not bring them up especially under a different title. Also some jokes I get I have had and seen before and are oldies but goodies, someone may not have seen them, so apologies to those who have seen t...

Hendo · Hendo

Teacher asked little Johnny, "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and then another 2 cats, how many cats would you have?" As quick as a flash Jonny replies " 7 , Miss." Teacher shakes her head and says "No, listen carefully... if I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and anothe...

Gunsondeck · Gunsondeck

One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course where we were living in Sarasota, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay; what's your name?" "Its Bob, and Im OK thanks," I replied. "Bob, fo...

tonyd · tonyd

Brilliant in its simplicity ..... A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men. B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women. C. In three generations, there will be no Greens.

Vic41 · Vic41

Sometimes....when you cry.... no one sees your tears. Sometimes....when you are in pain.... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes....when you are worried.... no one sees your stress. Sometimes....when you are happy.... no one sees your smile. But FART !! just ONE friggin' time..... And everybody not...

Vic41 · Vic41

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Scottish Baby...... (Preview) A Scot was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone. He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Scottish baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, "Th...	Vic41	4	857	09:27 AM Mar 20, 2014 by Vic41
	LITTLE JOHNNY HAS THE SOLUTION (Preview) The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?" Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."	graham (chickenman)	0	586	09:26 AM Mar 20, 2014 by graham (chickenman)
	The lone ranger and Tonto camping under the stars (Preview) On a clear night the lone ranger and Tonto went to sleep under the stars in there swags. At 2 am Tonto said to the lone rager, arent those stars so bright and must be millions of them up there? Lone ranger replied, oh yer i was thinking the same thing, as it looks like i could tough a star as the so big and look so...	graham (chickenman)	0	700	09:14 AM Mar 20, 2014 by graham (chickenman)
	The Irishman nomad in Australia. (Preview) Paddy the Irishman was stopped at a rest area near the Sa and Nt border, he got up at 6 am, had a big strech a yawn then breeky and nature call , then a hour later he hit the road heading towards Alice spring. He wound up to 100 kmh in 30 secs then he realises he forgot his 4 wheel drive and van left in the rest area...	graham (chickenman)	0	770	09:04 AM Mar 20, 2014 by graham (chickenman)
	Little Johnny (Preview) Little Johnny's 2nd-grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. "Johnny," she says, "what comes after 'O'?" Johnny says, "God, I'm coming!!"	Hendo	0	558	02:03 PM Mar 19, 2014 by Hendo
	spare parts (Preview) Little johnny in class says to teacher "Hey miss do birds have spare parts". "No of course not Johnny,"said the teacher "what made you think birds would have spare parts anyway. "Well " said Johnny,"it's just that l heard dad telling uncle Frank he was go...	rowdy	0	678	05:47 AM Mar 17, 2014 by rowdy
	Beaten Up By A Woman In An Elevator..... (Preview) Today I was beaten up in an elevator this morning by a woman... I was minding my own business when this lovely girl entered. As I was staring at her boobs, she said to me, "Would you please press 1..?" So I did...and the rest is history..... -- Edited by Vic41 on Tuesday 11th of March 201...	Vic41	2	819	03:16 AM Mar 17, 2014 by Vic41
	Another Joke. (Preview) When I was 21, Dad finally told me where babies came from. He never explained to me how the stork new which house to go to. If you die before your time, how come you never get to go to your own funeral? This may be my last post regarding jokes/puns. My memory banks have been depleted and need to be repleni...	Peterpan	1	815	10:07 PM Mar 16, 2014 by Vic41
	can you say (closed) (Preview) How do you say Robert and Richard root rabbits with out any Rs in it ?	Cowboy7307	16	1725	03:18 PM Mar 16, 2014 by revemike
	How old am I (Preview) Moved it to I digress -- Edited by Hendo on Sunday 16th of March 2014 11:42:53 AM	Hendo	0	566	11:24 AM Mar 16, 2014 by Hendo
	Faceless (Preview) -- Edited by learmo on Saturday 15th of March 2014 09:41:31 PM	learmo	0	690	09:36 PM Mar 15, 2014 by learmo
	Homesick (Preview) I saw a car parked outside Woolies with a bumper sticker that said "I miss Alice Springs" So I smashed the window, let down the tyres, stole the radio, left a few empty VB cans on the back seat, with a note saying "Hope this helps" -- Edited by learmo on Saturday 15th of March 2014 09:...	learmo	0	632	09:26 PM Mar 15, 2014 by learmo
	Good Barter (Preview) The way we do it in Australia!!!!!!!! This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of VB beer cheap at the local supermarket. I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the n...	learmo	0	632	09:21 PM Mar 15, 2014 by learmo
	More little Johnny (Preview) The teach told the class that she wanted them to use the word 'contagious' in a short story Looking around the class she spots little Johnny and thinks to herself, "here's my chance to show the little bugger up." "Johnny, give a me a short story with the word contagious in it"...	Hendo	5	949	09:02 PM Mar 15, 2014 by revemike
	Apologies For Repeat Or Old Jokes.... (Preview) Please accept my apologies if I repeat a joke that has already been on the forum, sometimes a search does not bring them up especially under a different title. Also some jokes I get I have had and seen before and are oldies but goodies, someone may not have seen them, so apologies to those who have seen t...	Vic41	14	1234	05:34 PM Mar 15, 2014 by Peterpan
	Logic (Preview) Teacher asked little Johnny, "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and then another 2 cats, how many cats would you have?" As quick as a flash Jonny replies " 7 , Miss." Teacher shakes her head and says "No, listen carefully... if I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and anothe...	Hendo	1	699	10:29 AM Mar 15, 2014 by Vic41
	My wife won't like it (Preview) One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course where we were living in Sarasota, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay; what's your name?" "Its Bob, and Im OK thanks," I replied. "Bob, fo...	Gunsondeck	0	809	06:53 PM Mar 14, 2014 by Gunsondeck
	Future of the Greens (Preview) Brilliant in its simplicity ..... A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men. B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women. C. In three generations, there will be no Greens.	tonyd	4	786	12:56 AM Mar 14, 2014 by tonyd
	Sometimes.... (Preview) Sometimes....when you cry.... no one sees your tears. Sometimes....when you are in pain.... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes....when you are worried.... no one sees your stress. Sometimes....when you are happy.... no one sees your smile. But FART !! just ONE friggin' time..... And everybody not...	Vic41	0	629	11:04 AM Mar 13, 2014 by Vic41
	Boys Favourite Animal (Preview) Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and...	Vic41	0	697	11:00 AM Mar 13, 2014 by Vic41
«First < 1 … 511 512 513 514 515 … 680 > Last» \| Page of 680 sorted by