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The Duck
(Preview)
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away. "The distressed woma...
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Hendo
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0
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798
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Irish Sausages
(Preview)
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.' He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money...
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Yendorane
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0
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714
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Blow Dryer Mishap:
(Preview)
A good lesson Bob's wife caught him blow-drying his pecker this morning and asked him what the hell he was doing? Apparently, "heating up your breakfast" was not the right answer
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Yendorane
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1
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753
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Important Medical Info!
(Preview)
MEDICAL UPDATE Remember this the next time you have major surgery and needa blood transfusion! This is good to know. MEDICAL ALERT Australian Medical Association researchers have found that patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken...
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gerard gue
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0
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736
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LION TAMER;
(Preview)
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a good looking, older retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you...
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justcruisin01
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0
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682
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GOOD ADVISE;
(Preview)
ALWAYS WONDERED !!!!!!! DO NOT wash your hair in the shower!! It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!! IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO RUNNING DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT. WARNING TO US ALL!!! Shampoo Warning! I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner! I use shampoo in th...
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justcruisin01
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0
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668
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THE BUTTOCKS;
(Preview)
The ButtocksA married couple was in a terrible accident where theMan's face was severely burned. The doctor told theHusband that they couldn't graft any skin from his bodyBecause he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donateSome of her own skin. However, the only skin on her bodyThat the doctor f...
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justcruisin01
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0
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758
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ARE YOU KATHLICK?
(Preview)
THREE LITTLE BOYS were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday school. So they we...
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justcruisin01
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0
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840
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A qQuandry
(Preview)
Please spare a thought for the man who told his wife he was going on a business trip to China on that Malaysian Airlines Flight No MH. 370, and now can't come out of his girlfriend's flat.
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aussie_paul
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0
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631
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THE ultimate guards stuff ups
(Preview)
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dING
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3
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770
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Wasing Machine
(Preview)
A bloke I know is walking behind his wife and says, "Baby, your arse is getting so fat, it's looking like a washing machine." The wife keeps quiet and keeps walking. Bedtime comes around, the man is asking for sex. The wife says: "I'm not starting the washing machine for such a small loa...
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jimbo
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0
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680
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Blonde Jokes
(Preview)
A ventriloquist is touring the outback and puts on a show in a small RSL club. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde in fourth row stands on her chair and shouts, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can...
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Hendo
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0
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832
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SERIOUS WARNING ABOUT BUYING ON eBay!!
(Preview)
WARNING ABOUT eBAY Be careful what you buy on eBay. If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully. A friend has just spent $95, plus postage, on a penis enlarger. The Bastards sent him a magnifying glass. The brief instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight."
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Gunsondeck
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0
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529
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Another Colonoscopy Joke...
(Preview)
'Colonoscopy' !! Being nervous, and embarrassed about my upcoming colonoscopy, on a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in Thailand . Where the beautiful nurses are allegedly more gentle and accommodating. As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nur...
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Vic41
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0
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613
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OUR ABC WORKING FOR US?????
(Preview)
In an online story about MH370 our faithful ABC referred to Malaysia's director general of information, Dato Haji Ibrahim Abdul Rahman, has defended his government's approach to disseminating information etc etc It then went on to say Mr Dato. Another well researched/edited article as Dato is a...
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Baz421
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5
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1185
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Western Queensland Girl....
(Preview)
I was in a pub in far Western Queensland last Saturday night, when this really brutally ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy." I replied "Have you got a pen?"She smiled and said "Yes." I replied, "Well you better get back...
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Vic41
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6
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778
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Feminist Intellectuals
(Preview)
How many feminist intellectuals does it take to change a light bulb? 1 to change the light bulb and many more to discuss the passive role of the socket!
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arthur
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0
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569
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Retirement
(Preview)
WhyI Like Retirement ! Question:How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question:When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question:How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question:What's the bigg...
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JRH
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2
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809
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Card Players
(Preview)
Three old men were sitting together in the nursing home playing cards. One said he was going up the stairs to have a bath. As the two other men were not far away they could hear him; "Was I getting into the bath?, or out of the bath?","Was I getting into the bath?, or out of the bath?",...
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arthur
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0
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648
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Confessional Box
(Preview)
CONFESSIONAL BOX A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Miller High Life on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on...
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Hurls
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0
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553
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