Just Joking

kiwijims · kiwijims

K.J.

rockylizard · rockylizard

The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight... "promise!"Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall start...

Vic41 · Vic41

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk' if you love Jesus' bumper sticker .. I was feeling particul...

Hurls · Hurls

THE Day P.E.Nis asked for a Raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that...

reglynn · reglynn

Sitting on the side of the highway, waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH. Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices th...

Vic41 · Vic41

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-weekvacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captainannounces: Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I havesome very bad news.Our engines have ceased functioning and we willattempt an emergency lan...

Vic41 · Vic41

Hi all, just a warning on the new 3D televisions. I bought one the other day and guess what! They are so vivid and real. I dozed off watching a realistic documentary on local thieves targeting tourists. When I woke up my wallet and thongs were gone...................... -- Edited by Vic41 on Fri...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, ea...

Hendo · Hendo

I went to a Thai Massage the other day, she worked on my back and down my legs then my neck, then my back again, her little hot hands sliding over my naked back! She asked me to roll over, and well things had swelled and it looked like a tent peg under the towel. She just smiled and looked me in the eye and asked...

Hendo · Hendo

A farmer in Yorkshire sees a man drinking from his stream, so he shouts , Ey up ****er, tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta frum theer stream, its full o hoss piss an cow ****e an it could KILL thee The man says: "Excuse me Sir, but I am a Muslim arrived from Pakistan , can you be speaking English to me cleare...

Yendorane · Yendorane

Husband says to wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived ... I think I'll wear gold tonight." Wife says, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change."

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

A pirate walked into a bar, and the publican said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine." "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," sa...

Vic41 · Vic41

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them. Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them. He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the pool balls. To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole. The bartende...

justcruisin01 · justcruisin01

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV. Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t'e hell do they do that?" "Do what?" asked Mick. "Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends. Day after day, week after week. No mat...

Hendo · Hendo

A guy picks up the most stunning blonde at a pub and to his delight she agrees to come back to his place at the end of the night. Just as he puts the key in the front door he turns to her and says, "I should warn you, I suffer from prem....... bugger too late!"

HOOK · HOOK

Female Hazardous Materials Data Sheet

Yendorane · Yendorane

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the sto...

Yendorane · Yendorane

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!! Glasgow co...

Vic41 · Vic41

Two Irish nuns were sitting at a traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy teenage drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. The Mother Superior turns to Sister Margaret, "I don't think they know who we are. Sh...

rosco532 · rosco532

As it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any one racial or ethnic minority, try this one: An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordan...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	How to fix those damn silent phone calls...... (Preview) K.J.	kiwijims	4	1014	03:38 PM Apr 22, 2014 by Deetric
	Clock for sale ? (Preview) The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight... "promise!"Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home.Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall start...	rockylizard	2	791	09:45 PM Apr 21, 2014 by Foz
	Honk For Jesus... (Preview) Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk' if you love Jesus' bumper sticker .. I was feeling particul...	Vic41	2	1024	04:41 PM Apr 21, 2014 by Vic41
	The Day (Preview) THE Day P.E.Nis asked for a Raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labour. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that...	Hurls	0	874	08:15 PM Apr 20, 2014 by Hurls
	5 old ladies (Preview) Sitting on the side of the highway, waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH. Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices th...	reglynn	1	995	10:28 AM Apr 20, 2014 by Ontos45
	Tax Story... (Preview) *Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-weekvacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captainannounces: Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I havesome very bad news.Our engines have ceased functioning and we willattempt an emergency lan...*	Vic41	0	766	12:03 PM Apr 19, 2014 by Vic41
	Warning About Watching 3D TV While Travelling.... (Preview) Hi all, just a warning on the new 3D televisions. I bought one the other day and guess what! They are so vivid and real. I dozed off watching a realistic documentary on local thieves targeting tourists. When I woke up my wallet and thongs were gone...................... -- Edited by Vic41 on Fri...	Vic41	0	651	03:16 PM Apr 18, 2014 by Vic41
	COLIN;; (Preview) A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Colin, the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, ea...	justcruisin01	0	758	05:18 PM Apr 17, 2014 by justcruisin01
	Thai Massage (Preview) I went to a Thai Massage the other day, she worked on my back and down my legs then my neck, then my back again, her little hot hands sliding over my naked back! She asked me to roll over, and well things had swelled and it looked like a tent peg under the towel. She just smiled and looked me in the eye and asked...	Hendo	4	963	11:54 AM Apr 17, 2014 by Kaid
	Another Incorrect (Preview) A farmer in Yorkshire sees a man drinking from his stream, so he shouts , Ey up **er, tha dunt wanna be drinkin watta frum theer stream, its full o hoss piss an cow **e an it could KILL thee The man says: "Excuse me Sir, but I am a Muslim arrived from Pakistan , can you be speaking English to me cleare...	Hendo	0	727	08:42 AM Apr 17, 2014 by Hendo
	Olympic condoms (Preview) Husband says to wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived ... I think I'll wear gold tonight." Wife says, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change."	Yendorane	0	638	07:54 AM Apr 17, 2014 by Yendorane
	THE PIRATE; (Preview) A pirate walked into a bar, and the publican said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine." "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," sa...	justcruisin01	1	787	10:55 PM Apr 16, 2014 by Gunsondeck
	Monkey Business... (Preview) A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them. Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them. He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the pool balls. To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole. The bartende...	Vic41	0	743	05:02 PM Apr 16, 2014 by Vic41
	TWO IRISHMEN; (Preview) Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV. Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t'e hell do they do that?" "Do what?" asked Mick. "Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends. Day after day, week after week. No mat...	justcruisin01	1	668	04:35 PM Apr 16, 2014 by dorian
	Too Late (Preview) A guy picks up the most stunning blonde at a pub and to his delight she agrees to come back to his place at the end of the night. Just as he puts the key in the front door he turns to her and says, "I should warn you, I suffer from prem....... bugger too late!"	Hendo	0	641	04:11 PM Apr 16, 2014 by Hendo
	Hazardous Materials (Preview) Female Hazardous Materials Data Sheet	HOOK	0	688	01:30 PM Apr 16, 2014 by HOOK
	Medical Problem Solved (Preview) A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the sto...	Yendorane	0	724	07:36 AM Apr 16, 2014 by Yendorane
	London Lawyer v Scottish Cop (Preview) A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!! Glasgow co...	Yendorane	0	763	07:49 AM Apr 15, 2014 by Yendorane
	Show Them Your Cross ! (Preview) Two Irish nuns were sitting at a traffic light in their car when a bunch of rowdy teenage drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us your tits, ye bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. The Mother Superior turns to Sister Margaret, "I don't think they know who we are. Sh...	Vic41	1	810	07:05 PM Apr 14, 2014 by Bryan
	Politically Correct Joke.......... (Preview) As it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any one racial or ethnic minority, try this one: An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordan...	rosco532	0	791	05:27 PM Apr 14, 2014 by rosco532
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