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Beaten Up By A Woman In An Elevator.....
(Preview)
Today I was beaten up in an elevator this morning by a woman... I was minding my own business when this lovely girl entered. As I was staring at her boobs, she said to me, "Would you please press 1..?" So I did...and the rest is history..... -- Edited by Vic41 on Tuesday 11th of March 201...
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Vic41
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2
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794
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Another Joke.
(Preview)
When I was 21, Dad finally told me where babies came from. He never explained to me how the stork new which house to go to. If you die before your time, how come you never get to go to your own funeral? This may be my last post regarding jokes/puns. My memory banks have been depleted and need to be repleni...
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Peterpan
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1
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792
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can you say
(closed)
(Preview)
How do you say Robert and Richard root rabbits with out any Rs in it ?
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Cowboy7307
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16
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1710
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How old am I
(Preview)
Moved it to I digress -- Edited by Hendo on Sunday 16th of March 2014 11:42:53 AM
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Hendo
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0
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551
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Faceless
(Preview)
-- Edited by learmo on Saturday 15th of March 2014 09:41:31 PM
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learmo
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0
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675
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Homesick
(Preview)
I saw a car parked outside Woolies with a bumper sticker that said "I miss Alice Springs" So I smashed the window, let down the tyres, stole the radio, left a few empty VB cans on the back seat, with a note saying "Hope this helps" -- Edited by learmo on Saturday 15th of March 2014 09:...
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learmo
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0
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604
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Good Barter
(Preview)
The way we do it in Australia!!!!!!!! This morning I was in luck and was able to buy two boxes of VB beer cheap at the local supermarket. I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home. I stopped at a service station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde in a short skirt was filling up her car at the n...
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learmo
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0
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615
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More little Johnny
(Preview)
The teach told the class that she wanted them to use the word 'contagious' in a short story Looking around the class she spots little Johnny and thinks to herself, "here's my chance to show the little bugger up." "Johnny, give a me a short story with the word contagious in it"...
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Hendo
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5
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871
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Apologies For Repeat Or Old Jokes....
(Preview)
Please accept my apologies if I repeat a joke that has already been on the forum, sometimes a search does not bring them up especially under a different title. Also some jokes I get I have had and seen before and are oldies but goodies, someone may not have seen them, so apologies to those who have seen t...
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Vic41
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14
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1210
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Logic
(Preview)
Teacher asked little Johnny, "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and then another 2 cats, how many cats would you have?" As quick as a flash Jonny replies " 7 , Miss." Teacher shakes her head and says "No, listen carefully... if I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and anothe...
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Hendo
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1
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676
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My wife won't like it
(Preview)
One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course where we were living in Sarasota, heard the noise and called out, Are you okay; what's your name?" "Its Bob, and Im OK thanks," I replied. "Bob, fo...
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Gunsondeck
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0
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794
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Future of the Greens
(Preview)
Brilliant in its simplicity ..... A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men. B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women. C. In three generations, there will be no Greens.
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tonyd
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4
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744
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Sometimes....
(Preview)
Sometimes....when you cry.... no one sees your tears. Sometimes....when you are in pain.... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes....when you are worried.... no one sees your stress. Sometimes....when you are happy.... no one sees your smile. But FART !! just ONE friggin' time..... And everybody not...
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Vic41
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0
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614
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Boys Favourite Animal
(Preview)
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and...
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Vic41
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0
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672
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Alter Boy Confession.....
(Preview)
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' ! 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' 'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later...
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Vic41
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0
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557
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I Have Questions...
(Preview)
Why is it so....?? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why is a per...
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Gunsondeck
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1
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726
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Seniors Theatre Seating.....
(Preview)
Theatre Seats for Seniors An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The old man didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "...
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Vic41
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2
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649
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Hot and Cold Seniors Sex
(Preview)
Hot and Cold Sex: After an examination, the doctor said to his patient: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?' 'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her t...
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Vic41
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2
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839
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Guidance...
(Preview)
This is probably the best Prayer for any "older" couple before bedtime..
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Gunsondeck
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9
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692
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Mick & Paddy - Rated XXX
(Preview)
Mick and Paddy have been invited to a party. They turn up, only to find out its a fancy dress party but the host tells them they cant come in unless they are dressed as an emotion. Whats an emotions? asks Mick. The host points to a lady dressed entirely in green. Shes come as Envy and that bloke over there dr...
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Hendo
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0
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672
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