Just Joking

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Dave had proposed to Megan and been accepted. But, added Megan, before we get married I must tell you something dreadful about my past life.No, said Dave, I wont hear of it. You can tell me after were married.After they were married and had set off for their honeymoon in Byron Bay, Megan again brought u...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

1. Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just join a free camp Happy Hour, and by the time I eventually leave .....I look just fine!....... 2. How many days in a Grey Nomads' week? Six Saturdays and one Sunday. 3. What do Grey Nomads' do all week? Monday to Friday - Nothing...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

In Church on Sunday, I heard a sweet elderly lady, in the pew next to me, saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that I just had to share it with you: "Dear Lord", the past couple of years have been very tough for me. You have taken- My favourite actor - James Garner, My favourite actres...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A young lady started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell/handle condoms to the public... The owner was going away on holidays for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the Chemist shop on her own. She felt compelled to confide in him her worries abou...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Last week Ethel ,<sheesh I hope we don't have an Ethel here? forgive me if we do please>....anyways she checked into a Motel on her 70th Birthday as she was a tad lonely and reflective.. She thought, I'll call one of those "stud" men I see advertised in phone books and on late SBS for E...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

An elderly couple were in church one Sunday when halfway through the seR ice the wife penned a note to her husband " I just let off a silent fart what do you think I should do " to which he writes back " put a new battery in your hearing aid "

KFT · KFT

FIVE RIDDLES. THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM. RIDDLE 5 IS AMAZING IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS . 1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fi...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

1, I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older....Then it dawned on me They were cramming for their finals.. 2. My brother tell me he wants a real fun funeral, so the invite is going to say "Hawaiian themed" But he's only going to send that invite to...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

Valentines DayJust booked a table for Valentines Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; shes lousy at snooker... Low BatteryA man saved his girlfriends phone number on his mobile as Low Battery. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it into the char...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

Two old blokes, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year-old said, "Well I eat rye bread ever...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO LINE RYHME WITH THE 'MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE' AND THE 'LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE... 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife; Marrying you has screwed up my life. 2. I see your face when I am dreaming; That's why I always wake up sc...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, t...

Weevil · Weevil

50 Shades of Golf Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews...

aussie_paul · aussie_paul

What is his occupation?A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor.""That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?&...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

A Circus owner runs an advert for a 'Lion Tamer Wanted'...and two people turn up. One is a sexagenarian in his late 60's and the other is a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a killer body in her mid twenties... The Circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it, this is one ferocious lion, h...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

LIFE. This is perhaps the most profound observation I have heard in recent times: "Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free........ it's women who make it hard". Amen......

Snatchem · Snatchem

As we slowly move through (or into) retirement, we need to keep ourselves occupied with small projects.Like this guy! I know, I saw it right away too.... No safety glasses or hearing protection. And I caught something else that is really important: He has no gloves on...

Possum3 · Possum3

· Pasta was not eaten in Australia. · Curry was a surname. · A takeaway was a mathematical problem. · A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. · All potato chips were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not. · ...

Lesley F · Lesley F

-- Edited by Lesley F on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 10:27:55 PM -- Edited by Lesley F on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 10:31:34 PM

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	The dreadful secret.... (Preview) Dave had proposed to Megan and been accepted. But, added Megan, before we get married I must tell you something dreadful about my past life.No, said Dave, I wont hear of it. You can tell me after were married.After they were married and had set off for their honeymoon in Byron Bay, Megan again brought u...	aussie_paul	0	720	03:55 PM Mar 21, 2015 by aussie_paul
	...and a few more profound observations..... (Preview) 1. Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just join a free camp Happy Hour, and by the time I eventually leave .....I look just fine!....... 2. How many days in a Grey Nomads' week? Six Saturdays and one Sunday. 3. What do Grey Nomads' do all week? Monday to Friday - Nothing...	Goldfinger	1	1142	02:06 PM Mar 21, 2015 by spida
	Prayers... (Preview) In Church on Sunday, I heard a sweet elderly lady, in the pew next to me, saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that I just had to share it with you: "Dear Lord", the past couple of years have been very tough for me. You have taken- My favourite actor - James Garner, My favourite actres...	Goldfinger	0	745	09:42 PM Mar 19, 2015 by Goldfinger
	A young lady started working in the village Chemist Shop....... (Preview) A young lady started work in the village chemist shop. She was very shy about having to sell/handle condoms to the public... The owner was going away on holidays for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the Chemist shop on her own. She felt compelled to confide in him her worries abou...	Goldfinger	0	696	09:31 PM Mar 19, 2015 by Goldfinger
	She wants it hot......and she wants it NOW!..... (Preview) Last week Ethel ,<sheesh I hope we don't have an Ethel here? forgive me if we do please>....anyways she checked into a Motel on her 70th Birthday as she was a tad lonely and reflective.. She thought, I'll call one of those "stud" men I see advertised in phone books and on late SBS for E...	Goldfinger	0	1033	05:29 PM Mar 18, 2015 by Goldfinger
	A silent one (Preview) An elderly couple were in church one Sunday when halfway through the seR ice the wife penned a note to her husband " I just let off a silent fart what do you think I should do " to which he writes back " put a new battery in your hearing aid "	Woody n Sue	1	796	08:48 PM Mar 17, 2015 by Baggie
	Five really good Riddles-Love the last one (Preview) FIVE RIDDLES. THE ANSWERS ARE AT THE BOTTOM. RIDDLE 5 IS AMAZING IT SHARPENS THOSE GENES IN YOUR BRAIN AND STALLS ALZHEIMER'S FOR YEARS . 1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fi...	KFT	2	1039	03:10 PM Mar 15, 2015 by rockylizard
	...and a few more jokes for no reason..... (Preview) 1, I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older....Then it dawned on me They were cramming for their finals.. 2. My brother tell me he wants a real fun funeral, so the invite is going to say "Hawaiian themed" But he's only going to send that invite to...	Goldfinger	1	1410	12:30 AM Mar 15, 2015 by madaboutled
	Jokes.. (Preview) Valentines DayJust booked a table for Valentines Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; shes lousy at snooker... Low BatteryA man saved his girlfriends phone number on his mobile as Low Battery. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it into the char...	aussie_paul	1	1012	04:13 PM Mar 14, 2015 by grahos
	Rye Bread...Tip for our Doug?..? (Preview) Two old blokes, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year-old said, "Well I eat rye bread ever...	Goldfinger	0	1247	09:23 PM Mar 10, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Who said Poetry is boring?..... (Preview) THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO LINE RYHME WITH THE 'MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE' AND THE 'LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE... 1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife; Marrying you has screwed up my life. 2. I see your face when I am dreaming; That's why I always wake up sc...	Goldfinger	3	1282	04:52 PM Mar 9, 2015 by grahos
	Open carefully with an open mind (Preview)	Woody n Sue	3	1233	07:31 PM Mar 7, 2015 by Bruce and Bev
	No nookies now.... (Preview) I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, t...	aussie_paul	1	1097	07:27 PM Mar 7, 2015 by Bruce and Bev
	50 SHADES OF GOLF... (Preview) 50 Shades of Golf Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews...	Weevil	0	1012	07:12 PM Mar 6, 2015 by Weevil
	Fathers occupation.... (Preview) What is his occupation?A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor.""That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?&...	aussie_paul	0	1142	07:50 PM Mar 4, 2015 by aussie_paul
	Logical thinking Sexagenarian........ (Preview) A Circus owner runs an advert for a 'Lion Tamer Wanted'...and two people turn up. One is a sexagenarian in his late 60's and the other is a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a killer body in her mid twenties... The Circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it, this is one ferocious lion, h...	Goldfinger	0	784	12:27 PM Mar 4, 2015 by Goldfinger
	A very brief yet profound observation......on Life (Preview) LIFE. This is perhaps the most profound observation I have heard in recent times: "Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free........ it's women who make it hard". Amen......	Goldfinger	0	929	10:05 PM Mar 3, 2015 by Goldfinger
	First contribution (Preview) As we slowly move through (or into) retirement, we need to keep ourselves occupied with small projects.Like this guy! I know, I saw it right away too.... No safety glasses or hearing protection. And I caught something else that is really important: He has no gloves on...	Snatchem	0	1041	12:36 PM Mar 3, 2015 by Snatchem
	Eating in the 50's (Preview) · Pasta was not eaten in Australia. · Curry was a surname. · A takeaway was a mathematical problem. · A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower. · All potato chips were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not. · ...	Possum3	0	782	09:57 AM Mar 3, 2015 by Possum3
	Bill and Hiliary Clinton kitchen set (Preview) -- Edited by Lesley F on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 10:27:55 PM -- Edited by Lesley F on Wednesday 25th of February 2015 10:31:34 PM	Lesley F	3	1250	09:16 AM Mar 2, 2015 by Long Weekend
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