Just Joking

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I was in a pub in far Western Queensland last Saturday night, When this brutally ugly girl, built like a young heifer, came up to me, gave me a sly look, squeezed my arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy." I replied, "Have you got a pen?" She winked, smiled and giggled... &qu...

Collo · Collo

Talking about our long service leave coming up, I said to my wife "Before we head west, I think I'II get new back tyres" My wife looked at me with a confused/shocked look on her face and said "You want to get me baptised??"

Hey Jim · Hey Jim

Minister, The Rev. Hey Not M.A. B.D. Perhaps you have heard of me and my international campaign in the cause of temperanmer. Each year for the past fourteen years I have made a tour of Australia and New Zealand delivering a series of lectures on the evils of drinking. On those tours I have been accompa...

Hey Jim · Hey Jim

Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. You won't know the house when you get home - we have moved. About your father- he has a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing mach...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I remember the time, when I was considerably younger.......... I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home, having scraped up just enough money to take her to a fancy Restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu: Prawn ****ktail, Lobster Patron, and champagne. I asked her, "D...

dING · dING

An old station hand named Billy was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in the outback when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni? suit, Gucci? shoes, RayBan? sunglasses and YSL? tie, leaned out the window and asked the old man, "...

Hey Jim · Hey Jim

Lady goes to the doctor with the new baby. The doctor looks at the baby and says to the woman, this baby is under nurrished. Is the baby been feed. Of cause she says. The doctor says that he will have to examine her, can you strip down to the waist please. So the woman complys with his request. To his amazemen...

Hey Jim · Hey Jim

Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming Sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly stared to fly south. In a short time ice began to from on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on t...

Hey Jim · Hey Jim

Dear Madam, Our records show that you holding shares in the following Companies:- Metropolitan Water Co. LTD Metropolitan Gas Co. LTD Union can Company LTD British Perforated Tissue paper NL Due to uncertain conditions of the market at present. We would like to advise you to sit on your Union Can,...

rockylizard · rockylizard

A tourist stopped at a country store and noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the door. Inside, he saw a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "...

Woody n Sue · Woody n Sue

"Dear," asked a wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband....

Hey Jim · Hey Jim

Newly weds take off on their honeymoon for a week they will never forget. They made love every day, twice a day. The honeymoon over, they started their new life she as the homemaker, he the bread winner. On his first day back at work, he arrives home from work. The wife ask's what would you like for dinn...

rockylizard · rockylizard

TechnoGypsy · TechnoGypsy

Outsmarting the Doctor.... An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor Young, who was positive t...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

1. I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue : 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall' -Eleanor Roosevelt. 2. I was married by a Judge..I should have asked for a Jury. -Groucho Marx 3. My wife has a slight impediment in her spee...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

An oldie but worth repeating.... A German lorry driver in a pub in Newcastle is loud mouthing how lazy British Truck drivers are. He's bragging that he drives his load from Hamburg, goes through Holland, then Belgium and up to Newcastle and back to Hamburg in just 2 days. This old timer Geordie lis...

The Doo crew · The Doo crew

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of hisfather as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your haircut. Then we'll talk about the car."...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

No 10. Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth sir. No 9. Golfer: "Tell me honestly, do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes.....You miss the ball much closer now sir". No 8. G...

Karmics · Karmics

A man who, for years, drank too much, eventually had a confrontational discussion with his wife who said to him ?I?ve had enough of this. If you come home drunk one more time I?m leaving you?. A few days later he found himself the worse for drink (again) in his local pub. Retuning to the bar having visited...

Goldfinger · Goldfinger

I was shocked, confused, bewildered As I entered Heaven's Door, Not by the beauty of it all, Nor the lights of its décor. But it was the folks in Heaven who made me splutter and gasp-- The thieves, the liars, the sinners, The alcoholics and trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade Who swiped my lun...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	..and if you laugh at this you are not a nice person..I did...and I'm not...... (Preview) I was in a pub in far Western Queensland last Saturday night, When this brutally ugly girl, built like a young heifer, came up to me, gave me a sly look, squeezed my arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy." I replied, "Have you got a pen?" She winked, smiled and giggled... &qu...	Goldfinger	3	955	12:09 PM May 10, 2015 by Ondabeach
	Funny mishearing (Preview) Talking about our long service leave coming up, I said to my wife "Before we head west, I think I'II get new back tyres" My wife looked at me with a confused/shocked look on her face and said "You want to get me baptised??"	Collo	0	797	08:52 AM May 10, 2015 by Collo
	CHristian Revival Crusade Notice (Preview) Minister, The Rev. Hey Not M.A. B.D. Perhaps you have heard of me and my international campaign in the cause of temperanmer. Each year for the past fourteen years I have made a tour of Australia and New Zealand delivering a series of lectures on the evils of drinking. On those tours I have been accompa...	Hey Jim	0	1207	10:06 PM May 6, 2015 by Hey Jim
	A Private letter from an Irish Mother (Preview) Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. You won't know the house when you get home - we have moved. About your father- he has a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him - he cuts grass at the cemetery. There was a washing mach...	Hey Jim	0	698	09:30 PM May 6, 2015 by Hey Jim
	Ahhh, the sweet days of our youth!!...a tad P/Incorrect. (Preview) I remember the time, when I was considerably younger.......... I picked up a lovely date at her parent's home, having scraped up just enough money to take her to a fancy Restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu: Prawn ****ktail, Lobster Patron, and champagne. I asked her, "D...	Goldfinger	1	944	12:20 AM May 6, 2015 by Joe50
	the farmer (Preview) An old station hand named Billy was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in the outback when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni? suit, Gucci? shoes, RayBan? sunglasses and YSL? tie, leaned out the window and asked the old man, "...	dING	2	1045	11:42 PM May 5, 2015 by Myrlin
	Under nurrished Baby (Preview) Lady goes to the doctor with the new baby. The doctor looks at the baby and says to the woman, this baby is under nurrished. Is the baby been feed. Of cause she says. The doctor says that he will have to examine her, can you strip down to the waist please. So the woman complys with his request. To his amazemen...	Hey Jim	0	756	11:38 PM May 4, 2015 by Hey Jim
	IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY (Preview) Once upon a time, there was a nonconforming Sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly stared to fly south. In a short time ice began to from on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on t...	Hey Jim	0	953	11:09 PM May 4, 2015 by Hey Jim
	Private And Confidential Letter from our Stock Brokers (Preview) Dear Madam, Our records show that you holding shares in the following Companies:- Metropolitan Water Co. LTD Metropolitan Gas Co. LTD Union can Company LTD British Perforated Tissue paper NL Due to uncertain conditions of the market at present. We would like to advise you to sit on your Union Can,...	Hey Jim	0	683	10:47 PM May 4, 2015 by Hey Jim
	Dangerous Dog (Preview) A tourist stopped at a country store and noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the door. Inside, he saw a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "...	rockylizard	0	891	08:21 AM May 4, 2015 by rockylizard
	Will you remarry when I die (Preview) "Dear," asked a wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband....	Woody n Sue	2	916	11:06 PM May 3, 2015 by KFT
	Just Married (Preview) Newly weds take off on their honeymoon for a week they will never forget. They made love every day, twice a day. The honeymoon over, they started their new life she as the homemaker, he the bread winner. On his first day back at work, he arrives home from work. The wife ask's what would you like for dinn...	Hey Jim	0	827	10:46 PM May 3, 2015 by Hey Jim
	...... (Preview)	rockylizard	0	929	08:49 AM May 3, 2015 by rockylizard
	Outsmarting the Doctor.... (Preview) Outsmarting the Doctor.... An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000." Doctor Young, who was positive t...	TechnoGypsy	0	801	01:00 PM May 2, 2015 by TechnoGypsy
	Brilliant musings of some well-known people...... (Preview) 1. I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue : 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall' -Eleanor Roosevelt. 2. I was married by a Judge..I should have asked for a Jury. -Groucho Marx 3. My wife has a slight impediment in her spee...	Goldfinger	0	1233	09:43 PM Apr 30, 2015 by Goldfinger
	German HGV Driver.... (Preview) An oldie but worth repeating.... A German lorry driver in a pub in Newcastle is loud mouthing how lazy British Truck drivers are. He's bragging that he drives his load from Hamburg, goes through Holland, then Belgium and up to Newcastle and back to Hamburg in just 2 days. This old timer Geordie lis...	Goldfinger	0	705	09:05 PM Apr 30, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Teenager wants a car (Preview) A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of hisfather as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your haircut. Then we'll talk about the car."...	The Doo crew	0	675	11:41 AM Apr 30, 2015 by The Doo crew
	Ten Best Caddy Responses...some gems. (Preview) No 10. Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth sir. No 9. Golfer: "Tell me honestly, do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes.....You miss the ball much closer now sir". No 8. G...	Goldfinger	0	875	05:56 PM Apr 29, 2015 by Goldfinger
	Drunk again? (Preview) A man who, for years, drank too much, eventually had a confrontational discussion with his wife who said to him ?I?ve had enough of this. If you come home drunk one more time I?m leaving you?. A few days later he found himself the worse for drink (again) in his local pub. Retuning to the bar having visited...	Karmics	0	756	12:03 PM Apr 29, 2015 by Karmics
	A lovely thought provoking poem....... (Preview) I was shocked, confused, bewildered As I entered Heaven's Door, Not by the beauty of it all, Nor the lights of its décor. But it was the folks in Heaven who made me splutter and gasp-- The thieves, the liars, the sinners, The alcoholics and trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade Who swiped my lun...	Goldfinger	0	798	11:48 AM Apr 29, 2015 by Goldfinger
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